You Might Be A Yankee If...

Ya think barbecue is a verb meanin' "to cook outside."
Ya think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY.
Ya don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
For breakfast, ya prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
Ya don't EVEN know what a moon pie is.
Ya aint NEVER had grain alcohol.
Ya ain't NEVER eaten okra.
Ya eat yer fried chicken with a knife and fork.
You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
Ya got no idea what a polecat is.
Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes right over yer head.
Ya don't see nuttin' wrong with puttin a sweater on a poodle.
Ya don't have bangs.
Ya'd rather vacation oer at Martha's Vineyard than at Six Flags.
Ya'd rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
Instead of referrin to two or more people as "y'all," ya call em "you guys," even if both of em are women.
Ya don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
Ya aint never planned yer summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
Ya think more money should go to important scientific research at yer university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
Ya don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
Ya dont EVEN know what WD-40 is.
The last time ya smiled was when ya kept someone from gettin on the on-ramp on the highway.
Ya don't have any hats in yer closet that advertise feed stores.
The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
Ya call yer binoculars opera glasses.
Ya cain't spit out the car winder without pulling oer to the side of the road an stoppin.
Ya would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
Ya don't know what applique is.
Ya don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Jim Bob, Bob Bob)
Ya don't have doilies, and ya shore as hell don't know how to make one.
Ya aint never been to a craft show.
Ya get freaked out when people on the bus talk to ya.
Ya cain't do your laundry without quarters.
Aint none of yer fur coats been homemade.