Two years ago, at this very moment, I was celebrating my marriage.  I was probably dancing with my new husband, happier than I had ever been.  I can't believe that two years have flown by already.  Sometimes, it has felt like we weren't going to make it.  Most times, I know I am lucky to have him.  While not perfect by a long shot, he is committed to me.  He truly makes me feel loved.  He actually tries his hardest to communicate with me... he even cooks dinner and helps around the house!

Now, it is 10:14 p.m.

Eight months ago, at this very moment, I had a newborn son.  A son that already I would die for or kill for.  The love I have for that little boy is indescribable and only understood by another mother.  Just the thought of him makes all my troubles seem to fade if even for a moment.  What did I do to deserve this amazing person in my life?  He is almost always happy.  He is an easy baby.  He is learning something new every single day now and I love watching him do this.  I love watching his face while he plays.  I love tickling him and hearing him laugh.  I love playing patty-cake and peek-a-boo with him.  There isn't a single thing I don't love about him.  This is a dream.  I am SO BLESSED.

Now, it is 10:17 p.m.

Today should be a happy day for me.  Instead, it's sucked in plain English.  I should be celebrating with my husband.  We should be watching our son crawl around and play with his toys and look up at us with that sweet angel face.  Instead, my husband started a second job because our financial situation is horrifying.  Instead, I did a lot of crying over a very painful personal situation.  Instead, I am sitting here, second guessing myself, trying to figure out the easiest way out of a horrible mess... I am 26-years-old, still practically a newlywed, with a gorgeous baby.  With all the other crap in my life, I can't sit down and enjoy my life.  I really do like my life.  It isn't perfect by a long shot but I like my life.  I have a good job with good people that truly care for me and my family.  I have a good husband that would do anything for me and our family.  I have the perfect baby.  But I am miserable.

Now, 10:22 p.m.

Thank God for my husband and my son. I know that I have to go on with my life.  My son needs me to do that for him at least.  I have to be strong and deal with everything before it consumes me.  I think it almost has but now I have to fight back and I am going to.  God, please help me to be strong enough to keep my resolve.  One day, one step, one thing at a time.  I pray that I don't lose sight of what is important.