My wonderful, beautiful Nana passed away March 7, 1998 at 3:30 in the morning. It was the most painful, heartbreaking experience of my life. I will miss her smile, her voice, her wisdom, her love, and her concern for all that were in her life... I will miss every little thing about her. She was - and is - the greatest woman I have ever known.

Nana was my mother's mother. My mom was the youngest of her six children. Her four youngest were all in diapers at one time. What happened was that when her two oldest children were around 9 and 7, she got pregnant again. She had twin boys in 1956 and then my aunt was born in 1958 and my mom was born in 1959 (only 7 days shy of my aunt's first birthday). I think this is remarkable because I am nervous about taking care of one baby...she took care of four!

When I was growing up, we spent every Saturday at my Nana's house. We would get there in the early afternoon and the adults would visit while the kids played. In the summer, we played in the yard. She had a swingset and a pool out there for us. We would also take trips to the beach and amusement parks together during the summer - we would meet at Nana's house early in the a.m. on a Saturday and go from there. In the winter, we would play down in the cellar. She had toxboxes full of toys and there was even a pinball machine down there at one time. Then we would always have dinner together. Everyone would take turns with dinner - one week my Nana would provide the food, the next week would be one of my aunts or uncles, then another one the following week. It took almost 2 months to get through everyone!

Holidays were the best because of my grandmother. We always had Easter and Thanksgiving dinner at Nana's house. We went trick-or-treating around her neighborhood. We always went there on Christmas too. Other holidays like the fourth of July, Memorial Day, and Labor Day brought cookouts in the back yard. We celebrated everyone's birthdays with cake and ice cream at Nana's house too.

My grandmother taught me to read when I was three. I would sleep over her house on Saturday nights and she would read the Berenstein Bears to me. Eventually I just started reading them back. She was constantly encouraging me to do well. Seeing her smile and hearing her say how proud she was of me when I showed her a good report card was a wonderful feeling. Even though I am not very good at arts and crafts types of things, she would spend hours trying to teach me how to paint and do ceramics and things like those. Now, my grandmother was not one to pick favorites among her children or grandchildren but I feel that I had a very special bond with her. She always knew just what to say or do to make me feel better. She taught me many things and I hope that someday I can be just half the woman she was.

My wedding bouquet will have silk Lily of the Valley flowers in it in memory of my grandmother. That was her favorite flower. And, I am dancing with my mom and my brothers to "Wind Beneath My Wings". Since my Nana's death, I cannot listen to that song without crying. But, I want to have her with me that day and I think that's a perfect way to do it. I also plan to start my wedding day visiting her grave.

I miss my Nana tremendously. I have never experienced heartbreak like this before. In fact, I never thought it was possible until I saw her take her last breath. And, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. However, I am extremely thankful for the 21 wonderful years I was blessed to have her in my life.

Her headstone reads - "In our hearts, we will never be separated" - and I feel that is very true. As much as I miss her physically being here, I know that she is always with me.

I love you Nana!

You can find pix of my Nana on my pix page. Click here to go to my pix page.

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