You're warned... I'm about to ramble... and it may be long....

I cannot believe that my son is six months old today. For so many years, I knew that what I wanted most in life was to be a mommy. When I found out I was pregnant, I could not have been any happier. Then, as my pregnancy progressed, I was already so in love my baby. I was amazed at how he grew inside of me. Even figuring out my pregnancy symptoms, like acne and food aversions, was joyful to me. I had been hoping for a girl, but the day I found out my baby was a boy was perfect. The ultrasound technician said "it looks like you're having a boy" and I cried with such happiness. I was going to have a little boy!

Then, when I realized I was in labor, I was nervous and excited. I would be meeting my son soon. Labor was NOTHING like I thought it would be. I was so afraid of the pain I would endure and so afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it. But I did. It was an awesome experience. One of the best in my life. I couldn't believe that I had my son in my arms. I was a mommy at last!

The past six months have flown by. People tell you to enjoy it because it goes very quickly. I just nodded my head and agreed but they are more right than you could ever imagine. The first month that my son was with us was rough. I was adjusting to being a mommy and Clayton was adjusting to his new world. We both did some crying and I swore I'd never do it again. I felt like a failure because this was something I wanted for SO long and now I had it and it wasn't working like I thought it should. But we came through that. We got to know each other and started functioning like a family. I wouldn't trade anything from that first month for any reason. It taught me SO much.

I am sitting here in amazement as I do so often. My son is lying on the floor beside me, gnawing the life out of a JC Penney coupon (don't worry... it's cardboard and I'm watching him!), in a completely different spot than I left him, and is so much his own person. I cannot believe that this whole other person grew inside of me. I cannot believe that I created him and he is such an awesome and unique person. He amazes me every day with the things he learns, the personality that shines out more every day, how much he is really like his father... there are so many things, everything really, that amazes me about him that I could go on forever.

He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is the best thing that I have ever done with my life. I have never known such love. My heart literally breaks with love at the mere thought of him. I would give my life to protect him and I would die if I ever lost him. I pray each and every day that I do right by him. I want to be a good mommy and raise him to be a good man.

Happy six months to my perfect, unbelievably amazing, gorgeous little boy.