This is based on my own personal experience, having attended one clinic. Many clinic’s policies for example towards anaesthesia for egg collection will vary, as will a lady’s reactions to the drugs. The experiences outlined below should be viewed in this light.
Motivation
I look back on this as a very difficult time. It was then that I first thought that if I waslucky enough to have a baby before I was 35, that I would look into egg donation. My motivation then was to help other women experiencing the same problems as I was.
Since the birth of my son, the pleasure he has given us, and the pride we both feel is, if anything, even greater than we had ever expected. Consequently I feel very strongly that where medical science can help, no one should have to miss out on these experiences due to lack of money, sperm or eggs. While I can’t do much about the money, and even less about the sperm, I can at least try to make some difference by offering to donate my eggs.
Treatment
Before my first donation I was quite apprehensive about the injection part of the treatment, however following a some training I have done all the injections myself using an auto injector. After the initial ones I no longer found them a daunting prospect. I have never had any significant side effects from any of the down regulation or stimulation drugs or HCG. I am aware this is not the case for all women undertaking this treatment
I have always had a General Anaesthetic for egg collection. Whereas I have always tended to suffer from nausea after a general anaesthetic, I have never felt ill after egg collection. I have had very little discomfort, and I usually feel totally recovered after 3 to 4 hours.
For me the hardest part of the donation process is nothing to do with the treatment, it is the practical side, of being at the clinic when I need to be there. Working full time with a young son it isn’t always easy to be able to arrange things so you can be available when required, and obviously for most of the process timing is critical and can be unpredictable.
Downside of Donation
I have a tendency to experience the cycle with the recipient couple in the sense that I share their feeling of expectation in the run up to the start of treatment. I think of them particularly as collection approaches, on the day of transfer and especially on the day they are due to get the results.
When you do get involved to this extent, the problem is when it fails. I do feel a very deep sense of disappointment both for myself and of course for the couple. These feelings were particularly strong for me, where on the two occasions pregnancies were achieved, but failed to continue past the first scan. Despite all assurances that my eggs were not at fault, the disappointment is no less for me even though I know that my part of the process was successful. I donate to help couples have children, not just to help ladies get pregnant.
At the end of the day, however, there are no long term implications for me in failure,which is why donation is so much easier than your own infertility treatment. The disappointment fades far quicker than it does for your own failed cycle.
Positive Aspects
Obviously though the greatest part of egg donation is to hear that your recipient’s pregnancy test was positive. Then to hear that at the scan a feotal heart was found., and that about 8 months later you have helped a couple become a member of the worlds biggest club, the parents club.
They can now spend money without worrying if they can afford the next treatment. They don’t avoid situations where the inevitable questions are asked about children, and Christmas is something to look forward to and not to dread. Knowing that you have had that kind of impact on the life of another couple is an incredible feeling. The initial news of a birth produces a feeling of elation and leaves you with a warm glow for a long while. However it doesn’t end there. When there has been a baby safely delivered from your donation, there is a constant payback. When my husband and I have one of those special moments with my son, I often think of the couple who have twins from my donation sharing that same experience in a couple of years time. It is so rewarding knowing that I have given them that chance.
On one occasion I was passed a card from a recipient. Her expression of thanks was very touching. Even my husband, not often affected by these things was obviously moved by her words. More than this though the card itself had obviously been chosen with great care,and it sums up for me the impact that a donor can have on the life of a recipient couple.
One reason I donate is that I have had my own experience of infertility. My husband and I tried for a baby for more than 5 years. Eventually it became apparent that our only viable option was Artificial Insemination with donor sperm After a year on the waiting list, 5 failed & 2 abandoned cycles, and on our last attempt before moving onto IVF I conceived. I now have a two year old son.
At the time of writing I will shortly start my fifth donation treatment cycle. In all my experience to date,
While I have found the treatment quite involved I have never found any part of it to be particularly unpleasant or painful.
The only real downside to egg donation for me is failure. Any hassles along the way become irrelevant when there is a pregnancy to celebrate.
One thing it is hard to explain to anyone who has not experienced infertility treatment is the fact that despite everything the cycle involves it is a very positive process. It is something usually keenly anticipated, a period of hope and expectation, and a welcome release from the seemingly endless waiting. Similarly for me, knowing this, I find the whole donation cycle a very positive experience. From the moment I know I have been matched with two couples, I get pleasure from the knowledge that whatever the final outcome, for the next 2 or 3 months they have the kind of hope they may not otherwise have had.
My only regret is that the footprints on her heart were not to be one of a child.
Issues Surrounding Egg Donation
Genetics
I have no problem with the issue of genetics with egg donation, because I see my part in the life of the child while essential is very small . The lady who receives my eggs, nurtures those embryos from 2 days after they leave my body, she feeds them, she enables them to grow into babies, and gives birth to them. With me they would never have become babies, it is she who gives them the chance for life. The couple then take on the 24 hrs a day responsibility for that child. I personally have no doubt who the ‘real’ parents are.
While I pass on through my eggs genetic traits, it is the parents who mould the child into the person they become. A donor may be gentle and caring, but place the child in an uncaring, hostile environment and I believe the child’s nature will be modified according to their experiences. The donor could have a university education, but if that child lacks parental support and encouragement they are unlikely to fulfil their full potential.
Some people have asked if I’m at all worried as to whether my eggs have gone to a ‘good home’. I have absolutely no worries about this whatsoever. For a couple to survive everything leading up to finding a donor (or as many donors as it takes to achieve a pregnancy) they have to be totally committed to having a child. For that reason I believe my eggs have a better chance of finding a stable and loving home than the average child born ‘naturally’.
Payment
I personally couldn’t accept payment for donating because I would feel I was profiting from the pain of the people I was trying to help.
Also if I were to be paid, then the cost of my fee would have to be borne by the couple seeking treatment. The result of this would be that such treatment would become even more out of reach for the average couple than it already is.
Hopefully if egg sharing spreads to more clinics the issues of whether donors are paid should become less relevant.
Anonymity Legislation
There is currently debate on whether or not children of sperm and egg donation should be able to trace their ‘genetic parents’. While I totally agree with the need for comprehensive medical information to be available on the donor I do not understand the perceived need for tracing the individual donor.
I can see no comparison between the situation where eggs or sperm are donated specifically to help an infertile couple and where a child is placed for adoption. Adoption leaves many unknowns for the child as to why certain events happened. With donation I believe it is clear cut, the donor wanted to help an infertile couple have a child.
I personally would not choose to meet the children born from my donation. In my mind now they are children I have helped another couple have. How I would feel if faced by teenagers who may bear a striking resemblance to me or my family I don’t know. However should the ‘powers that be’ deem that retrospectively this becomes my responsibility, I would have to accept it. Should I meet them it would be aim to try to reinforce the bond with their parents, by emphasising how special they must be to their parents given what they will have been through in order to conceive.
To sum up then, why have I donated and continued to donate? Quite simply because the prospect of helping a couple achieve their dream of having a child far outweighs anything that the treatment cycle involves. I consider myself to be very priveleged to be in a position to do it.
Elaine