Technology for Country Folk...

LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.

 LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.

 MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.

 DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.

MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.

 FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much
farwood.

 RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.

 HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.

PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.

 WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.

 SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.

 BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.

 CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.

MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.

 MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.

 DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.

 LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.

 KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.

 SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.

 MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.

MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.

 PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine

 ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all"

 RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya
paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.

 MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.

Ways to Tell a Redneck is Working at a
                             Computer...

* The mouse is referred to as a critter.
* The keyboard is camouflaged.
* There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
* The password is BUBBA.
* The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
* Outgoing faxes have beer stains on them.

* The printer goes real slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
* Extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
* Menus all have Budweiser and Old Milwaukee options.
* The monitor is up on blocks.
* Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
* Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
* Screen saver is Ned Beatty playing Dueling Banjos.
* The six front keys have rotted out.
* John Deere pocket protectors.