Septamber 15, 1999 ~ NAILED! ~ The Message has a very
interresting rendering of a Scripture in Phillippians 3:18,19: It says "Their
god is thier belly, belches are their praise, and all they can think about is their
appetites". I had thought of unhealthy eating as a sort of pet demon but not an
idol. Actually taste is the idol. The Children of Israel were willing to sell
themselves and their children back into cruel slavery for the taste of onions and meat.
Anyway, I'm not bowing to that idol anymore. I've lost 25 pounds so far and
am praying for grace to live a fasted lifestyle. I have no doubt that He is
answering as I am coming to know the truth and the truth is setting me free. The truth is
that anything we turn to, other than God, for comfort, joy, and compensation is an idol
and I will have no other gods before Him.
Phil 3:18 For many walk, of whom I have told you
often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ:
19 whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory
is in their shame-- who set their mind on earthly things. (NKJ)
August 18, 1999 ~ TRANSITION ~ Well, the new granddaughter is named Shiloh Shalom
Johnston, and she is very peaceful.
We refinished the hardwood floors in rich mahagony, we stained and sealed the deck in
redwood tone, put ceiling fans in all the upstairs rooms and who knows what else.
What can I say but "We are blessed!" As it stands, Don and I will keep the
house on a rent-to-own agreement and I am very happy about that.
JULY 26, 1999 ~ NEW GRANDDAUGHTER ~ About 12 something my daughter-in-law had a new
baby daughter. Don't know her name yet. We went to Clinton to get some
equipment for Tiger to finish the hardwood floors and Joy was in labor. The midwife
was there so we took Sarah and Jacob (their other children) shopping and then took them
home with us. About 3:00AM we received the call that the baby was here.
We are getting some Y2K practice I think. We are all staying in the basement
while the hardwood floors upstairs are being refinished. That includes 3 small
children, 2 older children and 4 adults. It's an adventure to say the least.
JULY 25, 1999 ~ LIFE LESSONS ~ So what have I learned from all this? I am
vulnerable to good listeners who make me feel good about myself. Caring too much is
a door to the enemy and the door had to be closed.
JULY 23, 1999 ~ LIFE GOES ON ~ Sometimes things happen the change our lives in big or
small ways. We wish they didn't but they did. My world is pretty much the same today as it
was last week with less one friend. I have many friends on many different levels but I
have only had two best friendships outside of family. One ended by betrayal and the other
by abandonment. Maybe I'll learn not do do that again, maybe not. I like to think that I
learn from my pain but sometimes I'm a very slow learner.
I have decided not to give myself to grief. Grief and self pity are twins. It's hard to
tell the difference and both involve a lot of confusion. Still, life goes on and there is
a lot of beauty in the world and in people when I look at it. This website brings me a lot
of joy especially when I get some feedback.
JULY 22, 1999 ~ CARING TOO MUCH ~ Waiting, day after day, for the sun to shine,
the smile of a friend. No human being should have this much power over my emotions,
especially since I'm surrounded by loved ones who love me, all the time. So I have
decided to end the relationship. I'm not into abandonment so I want to end it
quickly, deliberately, and begin the grieving process. I don't plan to grieve much,
at least not all at once. Then when I don't care so much we can see each other
across a room and remember the good times. I know this sounds melodramatic but it's
the plan and I'm playing by my rules.
I've been singing a rebellious song for weeks. Don't know why but it just keeps going
over and over in my mind. It goes something like this: "I don't care what you say
anymore this is my life. I don't need you to tell me when to come home. Go ahead with your
own life leave me alone." I think it has to do with the tyranny of the flesh.
JULY 19, 1999 ~ FRIENDSHIP ~ I no longer believe in friendship that implies
ownership of another person's affections. I do believe in kindred spirits and
redemptive relationships. When a relationship is no longer redemptive to anyone it
should be abandoned.
I still believe in family to some degree but all earthly things are temporary.
God is Love and Love is God and He comes to us in different people in various
situations. He is the only Friend that sticks closer than a brother. Of
course, we create our own realities that we can live with, but there is such a thing as
true truth that comes to us from God by revelation.
We are getting the house ready to sell and things are in continual disarray. We
pulled up all the carpet upstairs and are pulling out staples and nails in preparation for
the hardwood floors to be refinished. Guess this kind of thing will be going on
until we are ready to move. At least we are positioning ourselves for God to meet us
by daily family prayer.
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