Indian Quiz

Next time you get asked an annoying Indian question, answer it like
this...read on, it's funny! 

 Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
 A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery
 skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In
 fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see,
 once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
 
 Q. You're from India, aren't you?  I have read so much about the
 country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers,
 the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation? 
 [note: This one we were actually asked in August '93 by a real
 estate agent when house-hunting in Boston.]
 A. Absolutely.  In fact we used to have our own elephant in
 our house. But later, we started elephant-pooling with our neighbors,
 to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....
  
 Q. Does India have cars?
 A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to
 encourage ride-sharing schemes. 
 
 Q. Does India have TV?
 A. No.  We only have cable.
 
 Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
 A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.
 
 Q. How come you speak English so well?
 A. You see when the British were ruling India, they employed Indians
 as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English. So the
 British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their
 servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born
 speaking English.
 
 A variation to the above is a compliment ---
 "You speak very good English."
 Response: Thanks. So do you.

 Q. Are you a Hindi?
 A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
 
 Q. Do you speak Hindu?
 A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
 
 Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
 A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me
 go to school.
 
 Q. India is very hot, isn't it?
 A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is
 why tea is such a popular drink in India.
 
 Q. Are there any business companies in India?
 A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of
 self-sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own food.
 That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is a lot of
 hard work. 
 
 Q. Indians cannot eat beef, huh?
 A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian
 diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the
 population of the country, the government is trying to encourage
 everyone to eat human meat.
 
 Q. India is such a religious place.  Do you meditate regularly?
 A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it
 is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I
 meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is
 why things are so inefficient there. 
 
 Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they
 do that? 
 A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the botton of our feet to make it
 hard so that we can walk.

 Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
 A. I prefer it to coming naked.
 
 Q. How do you celebrate Thanksgiving day in India?
 A. By roasting an American....