Why I Boycotted The Senior Prom 
By Dawud Wharnsby Ali

As the school year winds down, many senior students of schools across the
nation will not just be commencing another summer of holidays to provide a
break during semesters. Many will be leaving their safe havens of senior
public school and taking their first step into the world of adulthood.
Attending fast paced, crowded colleges or universities, taking up
apprenticeships or full-time employment. Many may even move from family homes
in their pursuit of educational fulfillment or the ‘perfect’ job opportunity.
Many young people are preparing to move on to new lives in the world, with
new responsibilities, new environments, new peers and new aspirations.

One ritual that has become synonymous with coming of age has been the senior
prom. Closely preceding the graduation ceremonies of many high schools, or
following closely behind graduation events, the senior prom (also known as
the senior formal or the spring formal) is an opportunity for youth to
celebrate the entrance into the world of adulthood with a splash of color and 
formality. However, there is far more behind the social event than may be
initially noticed.

Formal. What is formal? Formal means to present one’s self to others in a way
which is ‘with form’, with shape, polite, inoffensive and dignified. We see
the example of a formal letter, it uses proper grammar and sentence structure
in order to be respectful, while simultaneously serving a purpose or getting
an important message across.

In our society, what is formal? Very little. On average, clothing, language,
behavior - all is very informal. Individuals who are formal (polite,
inoffensive, organized) in their daily dealings with people ore often looked
upon as square or boring. Yet we see that in certain situations, individuals
play with the concept of formality not truly to implement respectfulness and
order but because it becomes fashionable to do so. While behavior
surrounding a prom may seem, on the surface, like a fun opportunity to behave
formally it is actually a flowery version of Halloween.

On the occasion of the spring formal we see blossoming youth taking on the
formalities of what is perceived as ‘adult’. Fine dress, (most who attend the
senior prom rent expensive tuxedoes or purchase high quality suits or gowns
for the occasion) elaborate beautification (spending hours in front of a
mirror or at a hair salon in order to look just right) frivolous toys
(Stretch limousines line the streets outside of dance halls on the night of
the prom) all become synonymous with being an adult. In many ways, adults in
society should examine their own behavior for wrongly displaying these types
of objects as being ‘adult’ to younger people.

In our society we have a very misconstrued idea of what adulthood actually
is. It has always been my understanding that adulthood and maturity are not
based upon one’s ability to hold a cigarette in a certain way, tie a bow tie,
tease one’s hair or hang out of a limousine sunroof . Adulthood comes with
understanding of one’s place in the universe, it comes with the knowledge of
how to interact with our fellow human beings, it comes with the ability to
take responsibility for one’s own actions - whether good or bad.

It was 1990. I was seventeen years old and although the athletic types in my
all-male Catholic school saw me as a bit of a runt - small, cocky, seemingly
uninhibited, most of my peers and teachers were supportive friends who
enjoyed my company and with whom I, in turn, felt very comfortable. I had
become very active in my school and very visible because of my involvement in 
various school events, usually arts-related. It was my senior year.

Young, agile, fashionable (by some standards at least), busy with the
thoughts of what I would do with the rest of my life. Decisions that affect
the rest of our lives can often become clouded when we are blinded by fear of
what others will think of us - whether it be our parents, our friends or our
teachers.

Within me was a need to understand the adult world into which I was about to
embark. I felt foolish to think I was stepping into the adult world at such
an age - in many parts of the world and throughout history, seventeen is
within the realm of adulthood, as responsibility is established much earlier
in life, following puberty at the age of 12 or 13. There was a great
confusion in me to see my society putting such emphasis on acquiring wealth
and prestige over acquiring a feeling of spiritual worth and understanding of
true responsibility.

The concept of the senior prom frustrated me greatly. Many of my close
friends were also disgusted with the idea of wasting parent’s money or money
earned through weekend work, on a night of preening. To dress up and put
one’s self on display in a sort of inner-school fashion show seemed
degrading.

Across the street from our school was an all-girl Catholic school. Many
classes were shared between the two schools and it was not uncommon for
students from each school to cross the street and take up a seat as a
minority in a class of the opposite gender. Religion classes were almost
always co-ed in the senior grades, as well as many arts and sciences
classes.

It upset me to see some students behaving superior to others simply because
they had girlfriends or boyfriends and others did not. It upset me to see
friends quarrelling over who was taking who to the senior prom. It upset me
o see peers who normally behaved rudely in class or to their friends, making
big plans to put on a cummerbund in a pseudo attempt to be ‘adult’. On one
hand behaving romantic and polite, planning to buy a corsage for their date,
and on the other hand also planning to smuggle alcohol into the event then
rent a hotel room for an opportunity to dishonor their date.

I made a firm intention in my mind to boycott the senior prom for these and
other reasons. Adulthood, I felt, was not to come with irresponsibility and
excessive waste. It is not synonymous with loud music and dancing. Of course
there are those who do attend their senior prom with very pure intentions and
hopes to have a ferry tale evening, complete with non-alcoholic sparkling
drinks and an opportunity to celebrate the closure of an era in high
school with close friends. However, there are many other more meaningful ways
to prepare one’s self for the adult world than just dressing up for a night
and attending a gala party.

I recall hearing about the senior prom held at my school by peers who did
attend. I saw some photographs and some of those pictures are locked forever
in the pages of my school year-book. Images of people I once knew - huddled
together in tuxedos, singing like drunken barroom buddies. The bow ties are
crooked, the shirttails are out, the hair is ruffled. I pray that they
eventually did find adulthood, during the many years that have passed, since
those pictures were taken.

I was not a Muslim when I boycotted my senior prom; Allah brought Islam into
my life several years later. I was simply a young man who was tired of being
irresponsible. I was tired of witnessing irresponsibility. I was desperate
for a feeling of self-worth and fulfillment that I knew could not come from a
few hours of loud music, a dance with a beautiful girl and a smuggled bottle
of hard liquor. I would never suggest that I demonstrated angelic
behavior during my days of jahilliya. We all have baggage in our closets -
may Allah forgive us, but I did recognize what steps would lead a person to
contentment and made every effort to implement those steps.

After leaving high school I met several other non-Muslim individuals during
my travels who had also boycotted their own senior proms. We would sit and
laugh about how good it felt to buck the system and refrain from taking part
in activities that are based in total frivolity and irresponsibility.

Think of how much more meaningful it would be to spend an evening at a
retirement residence with an elderly person who has a million stories to tell
but no one to listen. Think of how much more there is to learn about life
from volunteering an evening in a hospital ward for children, brightening the
face of a child with a story or a song, than simply drinking punch in a dark
hall under a disco ball. Imagine the feeling of spending only one hour at a
soup kitchen, meeting the many men and women who sleep each night on the
street while others waste money on lavish cars and rental clothes.

Allah knows best.