The 12 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 1: We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.
Day 2: We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.
Day 3: We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies.
Day 4: We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we'd be celebrating Thanksgiving until April.
Day 5: We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of a naked turkey carcass.
Day 6: We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.
Day 7: We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.
Day 8: The word ''vegetarian'' keeps popping into our heads.
Day 9: We check our hair to make sure we're not beginning to sprout feathers.
Day 10: We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler.
Day 11: We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight.
Day 12: We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers. And everybody says Amen.

Q:Why can't turkeys learn good table manners?

A:Because they can't stop "gobblin'!"

'Twas the Night of Thanksgiving

Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned --- The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation......
The thought of a snack became infatuation.....
So I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground !!

I crashed through the ceiling.  Floating into the sky....
With a mouthfull of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I sored past the trees....................

HAPPY EATING TO ALL !!

PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE !!

How to Cook a Turkey

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey Hiccup!!
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

"The Turkey Shot Out of the Oven"

The turkey shot out of the oven
And rocketed into the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
And partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner
And burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
Completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows,
It totally coated the floor;
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
Where there'd never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance;
It smeared every saucer and bowl;
There wasn't a way I could stop it;
That turkey was out of control.

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
And thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I'd never again stuff a turkey
With popcorn that hadn't been popped!

Author unknown.

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