CYBER PRAYER
sent in by AUNTIE3285
Our Father, who art in "E-mail", "dot-com" be thy domain. Thy "E-mail" come, thy will be done on a U.S. Robotics 56Kbps Modem. Give us this day our daily Internet access and forgive us our anger as the remote server fails. And lead me from this obsolete 486 33MHz and deliver me to an Intel 300 MHz Pentium II processor with 64meg of RAM. For thine is the Internet, omnipotence and technology forever and ever. Amen.
REMEMBER WHEN...
sent in by MINER'S DAUGHTER
You thought "modem" was what you did to lawns.
You thought "downloading" was the result of too much bran.
You thought "the Internet" was a basketball league.
You thought "RAM" and "ROM" were twin Greek gods.
You thought the "World Wide Web" was from a spider on steroids.
You thought "satellite feed" was a farm product.
You thought "logon" and "logoff" were new options on "The Clapper".
You thought "Lotus 1-2-3" was a line dance.
You thought a "microprocessor" was a short typist.
You thought a "V-Chip" was snack food.
You thought "home page" was a message for a homeboy.
You thought "hard drive crash" was a car accident.
You thought "super VGA" was a comic book hero.
You thought "mouse pad" was where a rodent lived.
You thought "DOS prompt " was a German expression.
You thought "Quattro Pro" was a Spanish sports team.
TODDLER PROPERTY LAWS sent in by MOMMYLADY
If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my hand, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
If I think it's mine, it's mine.
If I. . .Oops! I'm sorry, I goofed! Instead of typing in the Toddler Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill Gates' primary Business Plan.....
THINGS TO PONDER
sent in by THEE & ME
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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