The holidays are just around the corner and I find myself facing another Thanksgiving and Christmas without my daughter Jennifer; my mom, my sister and my brother. I remember both the days before tragedy struck when I looked forward to the holidays with as much joy and wonder as a young child; and the days after my losses when the thought of the holidays struck my heart with cold, foreboding fear.

As Thanksgiving approaches this year, I am thankful filled with joy and wonder, and I am also filled with awe at the amazing power of my loving Father's grace and mercy. For it is because of that and the bountiful blessings He has brought into my life that my heart is filled with joy, wonder and a renewed sense of peace, love and hope. I am thankful for the many new friends I have made on the internet. Our paths have crossed, for the most part, because of the common bond we share called "grief". We have come together in search of a way out of the darkness and into the light; in search of hope and peace. And we have learned that most of us cannot make it alone, nor do we need to. Together we can heal. Together we can find peace and hope. And together we discover the day will come when we can laugh again and really mean it. The day will come when the darkness of our losses no longer mars all the beauty around us or the miracles left in the lives we must live each day. But most importantly, the day will come when the horrors of grief are dimmed by the wondrous memories of the loved ones who went on before us.

The time must come when we chose to live again. Because the harsh reality is there are only two choices. To live or to die. We may not die in the physical sense, but we can die emotionally and mentally. We can close our hearts and shut ourselves off from the world. But to do so is a grave injustice to the lives and memories of those we have lost and loved. By choosing to live, laugh, hope and love again, we risk further pain. But I believe it a risk worth taking. Jennifer would be terribly disappointed in me if I didn't take the risk.

From the depths of darkness and pain, we can become better than we ever were; more open, less judgmental, more loving, more compassionate and much more appreciative of the miracles and beauty around us. We can chose to reach out to touch others and in doing so, become whole again ourselves. If we touch just one person and help them in their journey through grief, then they too can touch someone as they heal. And a new circle is formed...a circle of love, friendship and support. One that continues to grow as each one touches another until we have made this world a better place. There is no final tribute to those we love.

This holiday, look beyond the pain. Reach out to someone else in need. Notice where they are in their suffering and realize how far you've come in your own. And know in your heart, you are taking another step in your own healing. Listen to the Christmas carols and imagine those being sung by the angels in heaven. Give a gift of your time, love and compassion and know it is a gift worth giving. Walk in the falling snow under the streetlights and see diamonds from the heavens. But most of all, take time to reflect on the birth of the Christ Child.

Long ago, God gave us the greatest gift of all. A Son born in a manger and crucified on a cross. And because of that most precious gift, we are not separated from our loved ones forever. And one day soon, we will hold them again in a world much better than this, and there it will be forever.

Wishing you a joyous, Christ filled holiday,

with love,

Judy
Grief Recovery Online - A Common Bond Beyond the Pain