Give permission to be angry. It's OK for you, or others, to
be angry. Anger is neither right nor wrong in itself. The
Bible says, "In your anger do not sin" (Eph. 4:26). The issue
is not the anger, it's how you choose to act on it.
Report feelings of anger. Anger needs to be calmly reported
to the one with whom you're angry. "John, it really makes me
angry when that happens." Talk about it right then, if you
can. Do it in private. Too often people choose to "stuff"
their anger, thinking they are keeping peace. In reality they
are doing harm to themselves (e.g. stomach aches, nausea,
ulcers). Venting your anger is equally as harmful if it is a
blowup at another person. Positive venting is using the
energy that anger produces in positive ways (e.g. weeding the
garden, vacuuming). If irritants are handled one at a time,
as they arise, anger can be defused. But when they are
allowed to build up, an explosion is inevitable.
Don't hurt anyone. Decide - with your mate or friend - that
when one of you becomes angry you will not hurt each other,
verbally or physically. Most people who are hurt physically
have first been verbally abused.
Ask for help. "Will you help me work through my anger?" This
request for help will open the lines of communication with
the person who has upset you.
Seek first to be understanding - then to be understood. Make
sure that you are hearing the other person correctly. You
might say, "I heard you say... Is that what you meant?"
Give in. Let the other person have his or her way. Say, "It's
really no big deal to me, and since you obviously have some
strong feelings about this, I think we should just go ahead
and do it your way." There is no contest, so you don't have
to feel defeated. It can often be the most loving thing you
can do.
Try the win/win theory. Try to find an agreeable solution in
which both people gain something. You need to adopt an
attitude that says, "Unless you win, I don't win either."
Agree to disagree. There are some subjects about which two
people can never agree. That's OK. Acknowledge that you will
never agree on the certain issue (e.g. where to set the
thermostat), and then decide not to disagree about it every
time it comes up.
omething has made you angry, and the whole world knows about it.
Is this really the way you want to deal with your anger? Anger
shuts down an open mind. When you get angry, you're through
solving problems. Research shows that 68% of problems are never
resolved because anger shuts down the problem-solving process.
The key is dealing with anger before it takes control.
onsider adopting these steps to processing anger:
