 by: Dennis Prager Condensed from Redbook (1989) |
 live in the land of Disney, Hollywood and year-round
sun. You may think people in such a glamorous, fun-filled place are happier than others. If so, you have some mistaken ideas
about the nature of happiness. Many intelligent people still equate happiness with fun. The truth is that fun and happiness have
little or nothing in common. Fun is what we experience during an act. Happiness is what we experience after an act.
It is a deeper, more abiding emotion. Going to an amusement park or ball game, watching a movie or television, are fun activities
that help us relax, temporarily forget our problems and maybe even laugh. But they do not bring happiness, because their positive
effects end when the fun ends.I have often thought that if Hollywood stars have a role to play, it is to teach us that happiness has nothing to do with fun. These rich, beautiful individuals have constant access to glamorous parties, fancy cars, expensive homes, everything that spells "happiness." But in memoir after memoir, celebrities reveal the unhappiness hidden beneath all their fun: depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, broken marriages, troubled children, profound loneliness. Yet people continue to believe that the next, more glamorous party, more expensive car, more luxurious vacation or fancier home will do what all the other parties, cars, vacations and homes have not been able to do. The way people cling to the belief that a fun-filled, pain-free life equals happiness actually diminishes their chances of ever attaining real happiness. If fun and pleasure are equated with happiness, then pain must be equated unhappiness. But, in fact, the opposite is true: More times than not, things that lead to happiness involve some pain. As a result, many people avoid the very endeavors that are the source of true happiness. They fear the pain inevitably brought by such things as marriage, raising children, professional achievement, religious commitment, civic or charitable work and self-improvement. Ask a bachelor why he resists marriage even though he finds dating to be less and less satisfying. If he's honest, he will tell you that he is afraid of making a commitment. For commitment is in fact quite painful. The single life is filled with fun, adventure, excitement. Marriage has such moments, but they are not its most distinguishing features. Similarly, couples who choose not to have children are deciding in favor of painless fun over painful happiness. They can dine out whenever they want, travel wherever they want and sleep as late as they want. couples with infant children are lucky to get a whole night's sleep or a three-day vacation. I don't know any parent who would choose the word fun to describe raising children. But couples who decide not to have children never experience the pleasure of hugging them or tucking them into bed at night. They never know the joys of watching a child grow up or of playing with a grandchild. Of course I enjoy doing fun things. I like to play racquetball, joke with kids (and anybody else), and I probably have too many hobbies. But these forms of fun do not contribute in any real way to my happiness. More difficult endeavors -- writing, raising children, creating a deep relationship with my wife, trying to do good in the world -- will bring me more happiness than can ever be found in fun, that least permanent of things. Understanding and accepting that true happiness has nothing to do with fun is one of the most liberating realizations we can ever come to. It liberates time: now we can devote more hours to activities that can genuinely increase our happiness. It liberates money: buying that new car or those fancy clothes that will do nothing to increase our happiness now seems pointless. And it liberates us from envy: we now understand that all those rich and glamorous people we were so sure are happy because they are always having so much fun actually may not be happy at all. The moment we understand that fun does not bring happiness, we begin to lead our lives differently. The effect can be, quite literally, life-transforming. |
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