My Story Update
July 11, 2001
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On May 14, 2001, I boarded a bus whose final destination would be Morehead City, NC. The bus ride was long and trying. My boyfriend and my baby accompanied me on this trip and if you have ever traveled far with a baby then you know they do not like the long ride anymore than you do. So we had our work cut out for us to entertain her and keep her quiet and content. Somehow we managed and arrived on time in North Carolina on May 16. My grandmother was there at the bus station to pick us up, however not our luggage, we found out that our luggage was left behind in San Antonio, Texas. I did a little catching up with my grandmother and then decided it was time to shower to at least get a new aroma going around me. (Two days on a bus is no fun.) Then it was time to go to sleep, the next day I saw my brother who is six years younger than me for the first time in 12 years. He was more excited than I was.
I went to his house on the 18th and stayed with him, which gave me a chance to ask him for forgiveness for what I did to him and to say that I was sorry. We had a hard time when we were younger growing up in the house that we did, but he told me he don't even think about it and did not remember until I called him. He forgives me and told me I should talk to my dad and my older brother to let them both know that I forgive them. So that night we drove up to my parents house, at which time I cornered my dad while he was alone and told him I wanted to let him know that I forgive him for what he did to me and I wanted us to be able to get along like a family. He said that it was alright, he don't talk about it and for me not to worry about it. Then he started to talk to me. He treated me like nothing happened between us, which I think made my mom happy.
I went back to my parents house on the 25th so that I could see my sister graduate from high school. I had to be there for that because we are the only two so far out of six that has graduated from high school, there are two more left at home in school. While there at my parents house my father seemed to be ok with me being there and my mom was happy, she almost had all of her kids back home with her. My sisters and brother were happy to see me too, however my baby brother who is 11 years younger than me did not know who I was. I left when he was still a baby so I understood but it did hurt a little.
On the 27th I boarded back on the bus to return home. I have a lighter heart and feel like such a heavy burden has been lifted from my shoulders since I have told everyone that I am sorry and forgive who I needed to forgive. I feel now that I can live my life the way it should be and not have to be bother about when people ask me about my family. I can tell the truth and feel good about it. Used to be that when I told people about my family, thoughts would enter my mind that I needed to do something, like I left someting undone, now I feel as everything has been completed.
I want to say to anyone who is thinking about going back to the town or place of the original abuse to do it. At first yes there will be some feelings of overwhelmingness but then you will start to feel good. Now you are a different person then what you were back then. If you feel strong enough about it then you could deal with any memories that come back when you are there, I had a lot of unknown memories come back when I was in NC, but I realized I am stronger than they are and I am not the helpless, scared child I was before. It would be a good idea to take someone with you who understands what you are doing and will be able to give you the support you need to do this. I am very glad that my boyfriend was with me and could give me the support and strength I needed to go through with all I wanted to accomplish there. I feel I can go back without any worries now and I will be welcomed.
I want to thank my family for being there for me, and for Felix for holding my hand through it all and letting me know that I could do this.