Our Story
We are writing this to let people know what it means to be a survivor of abuse and to live with the after effects of that abuse. We were abused from a very early age , phyiscally, emotionally, mentally and sexually, to survive we created separate parts of ourselves. These parts allowed us to appear normal to most people as well as allowing us to survive in abusive relationships, by letting us disappear, whenever we were threatened.

From day to day, the way we feel and interact is very much like acting upon a whim, a toss of the proverbial coin, a fragile instance in destiny's erratic urgings. One moment we are sane and fully aware, feeling okay, and the next we are floating disembodied upon the tidal despondency, seeking relief in any form that may present itself to us.

We always knew we were different, but didnt know why we felt this way. The body that belongs to this system is now 46 years old, and was only 24 months ago that we realised that we suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder or Disassociative Identity Disorder. We also suffer from Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder. This is like having to relive the whole event all over again , feeling the same emotions, smelling the same smells, experiencing the same phyiscal pain, actually being there phyiscally, seeing everything as it happened many years ago. It can happen at any time or at any place. We resort to self injury when we are unable to deal with the pain that surfaces at any given moment. We are trying to make ourselves feel safe, but is very hard when safe is an obscure adjective.

We started writing poetry when we 16 years old , but destroyed all of our written work along with our paintings, due to a self destructive nature within us. In February of 1998, we started writing poetry again. These poems have allowed us to express our deepest feelings and thoughts, ranging from the depths of despair through to the heights of love and hope. Being able to write is a way of helping us to confront and deal with issues relating to our abuse. Our poetry is on our Web Page.

We hope that other people who are suffering from similar effects of abuse may read our poems, and story and feel that there is some light at the end of the tunnel, that it does get better!!!! Please for those people who are the Significant Others of survivors , please dont give up on your partner. Keep telling them how much they are loved, and how really beautiful they are, and how none of it is their fault, that the shame belongs to the peolple that abused us.

Denial is a major part of being a survivor, sometimes we feel that we are not mpd , and that we were not abused, that we are just imaging it all, and that we are just attention seeking. Our alters [other parts of us] get angry when we try and deny our multiplicity. When we deny our alters existence, then we deny we are here at all.

Some things that have helped us through our journey of healing and recovery are our writing poetry, being able to talk to other survivors on IRC [which stands for Internet Relay Chat],that have similar feelings and experiences as us. There are several good support channels on IRC, several of these are listed on Resources for Survivors Through sharing our thoughts and feelings with other survivors, we have learnt that we are not alone in our struggle for survival.

Hopa's MPD System

Our system consists of several alters, or personalities aged between 3 years old and 46 years old, we have both male and female alters within us.  We would like to introduce you to some of our alters, as per following :-

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