The only thing I managed to get done online yesterday was to send Thanksgiving greetings to my friends and those who have signed my guestbook.
It's 9PM now, and this is the first chance I've had to sit down and actually make an entry here. Even now, I am subject to interruption. I'm trying to get the kids to bed after a long day. The girls are in the bathtub and my son is getting ready for bed. In a minute, I will pause to hear his prayers. There, I can now hope for a little peace.
Thanksgiving went quite well. We didn't do the green salad or okra, but, there was more than enough food without them. We also didn't have quite as many guests as expected.
My brother and sister-in-law decided to cook a turkey at home and my other brother has got the flu. (My flu is still hanging on. At least when I cough now, it's not as bad as it was on Wednesday when every coughing spell caused a massive headache and made my spine feel as though it were made of glass.)
My sister, Frances, brought over the man she intends to marry. He got to meet the whole family in one day. Quite intimidating, but, he was welcome and he seems nice enough. I'm glad she's happy with him.
When Frances was 18, she wanted a dozen kids. At 34, that doesn't seem likely to happen. But, she will have a start, because when she marries, she will become the step-mother of three. Fortunately, she gets along well with the kids and they are glad that she will be a part of their family.
They might bring the kids over here next Saturday. That way the new cousins would get to meet.
Frances came bearing gifts. Some clothes that needed a new home. I have quite a happy chore ahead as I decide which clothes I can wear now, which I can wear if I lose a few pounds, and which I will not ever wear. (There were several rompers--and I hate rompers.) Most of the clothes are summer clothes, so they can be packed away for a while.
Today was exhausting emotionally. We took John over to Freedom Park so that he could visit with his father for a while.
His dad always goes overboard with gifts every time they meet.
John will not be going to the Christmas party where his dad works this year. So Santa gave the present to John's dad for delivery. It was a police car that makes very loud noises. It has been designated an outdoor toy.
John and Bryan are fooling around with another gift right now and it will end up being confiscated for the night if they don't watch out. It is a small cassette/radio boombox. It's not that they are playing it loud. It's just that I can hear them removing and putting in tapes and talking. If they were smart, they'd just put it on a radio station and go to sleep. It's the talking that will get them in trouble.
Then his dad gave him videos. Jingle All the Way, Casper--a Spirited Beginning, Batman and Robin, Beauty and the Beast Christmas something or other, and Lost World. The kids watched half of Lost World and Batman and Robin while I slept through most of that. Then they watched Casper.
Like most single mothers, I like how happy my son is when he visits with his dad, and I'm happy that he loves all the gifts, but, I hate that it makes me feel inadequate because I can't afford to buy those things for my son.
I was glad that Johnny got to play with his dad, but, at the same time, I was uncomfortable. I kept wondering if John would get the idea that if he lived with his dad that he would have fun all the time. I keep wondering how strong the memories of how bad it was when he lived with his dad are after a year and a half away.
But, then I stop and think. John has had nightmares fairly often since the date of the visit was fixed. I'm fairly certain they were caused by anxiety over seeing his father. But, anxiety can be over good things as well as bad things. So, that's not really much of a barometer.
I also am uncomfortable with the fact that I try to get John to show off all the new things he has learned since the last visit. Some of it is that I'm trying to prove that I'm doing a good job at raising him, but, most of it is that I am trying to show that I am competent as a parent so that his dad won't get any ideas about trying to get custody because I am not doing a good job.
There is also something very sad about seeing someone you once loved enough to have a child with, and realizing that you are now almost total strangers. Sitting across a table with almost nothing to say to each other, you talk about the child and wonder how you were ever attracted to this person in the first place.
Then you stop and think that while sometimes you wish that the two of you had never met, you're glad in the long run. Because you look at the child the two of you produced and that child is something special.
for the border background.