Ok  here goes.....
My pregnancy with Zack was horrible.  I was sick with hyper emisis the entire time.  That is extreme morning sickness at all times.  It was so bad that I was hospitalized several times for dehydration.  The only good thing was that Zack was completely healthy the whole time.  I had about 5 ultrasounds.  The last was on March 23 1998.  It was a growth analysis ultrasoud so it was very detailed.  He was perfectly healthy.  Since I had been so sick I was under the care of 3 doctors.  (My obgyn, a high risk ob and another high risk ob at the hospital) They all agreed that all was fine with Zack.
On April 19, 1998, I was having slight cramps so I called the doctor on call.  He told me to lay on my left side for an hour and a half.  If I was still having cramps after that, I was to go ahead to the hospital.  After only twenty minutes my husband and I went to the hospital.  When we got there they couldn't find Zack's heartbeat.  The nurse then called for the ultrasound machine "stat."  I still wasn't worried.....Zack's heartbeat was usually harder to find than normal....he was breach.  She called for the ultrasound machine again and when it got there Zack's heart was not beating.  The doctor rushed me into the operating room for an emergency c-section.  I was petrified and completely in shock.  When Zack was delivered and the doctors finally got his heart to start beating, he was put on complete life support.  He was also having seizures for the first 8 hours of his life.  Once the doctors got the seizures to stop, they did several tests and determined that Zack was brain dead.  I had lost so much blood, I had to have a transfusion and was completely out of it for two whole days.  When I finally came around where I could understand what was being said to me and remember that it had been said, the doctor came in and told my husband and I that we needed to make the decision to take Zack off of the life support machines.  I was completely blown away.  I had been under the impression that Zack would come out of this at anytime.  I guess no one wanted to upset me more than I already was.  I didn't even get to hold Zack until he was almost 3 days old.  The first three times I got to see Zack, I had to be wheeled into the special care nursery in my bed.  They wouldn't even let me be in a wheelchair so I could see him more often.  Wednesday evening we had Zack baptized and Thursday morning we took him off of the life support machines. There was a nurse at the hospital "birdie". She was wonderful. Her shift ended at 7pm but she stayed until 11pm jsut to be with us.  We took turns holding him the entire time he was off of life support.  He stayed with us for 23 hours and then he said good-bye on April 24, 1998.  It seemed like such a short time to have him with us, but I wouldn't have traded those 5 days for the world. I wish it had gone completely different and i would have him in my arms today.  I replay that day over and over in my head. I also play the "what if's" all of the time.