From: Lew King 
 
           Signs on Church Property
 
"No God -- No Peace. Know God -- Know Peace."

"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"

"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."

"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"

An ad for St.Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding
stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that
reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red
letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own
message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church.
When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside
sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed."

"People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water
before you know how strong they are."

"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."

"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"

"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright."

"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."

"Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."

"How will you spend eternity -- Smoking or Non-smoking?"

"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives":

"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is
low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."

"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."

"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."

"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."

"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."

"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire
insurance soon."

"This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?"    

"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."

"In the dark? Follow the Son."

"Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."

"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."

"Come in and let us prepare you for your finals."

"Ask about our pray-as-you-go plan."

"No matter how much you nurse a grudge it won't get better."

"Pray up in advance."

"Patience is the ability to stand something--
   as long as it happens to the other fellow."

"I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me."

    Source: geocities.com/heartland/oaks/5346/Literature

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