Only in America.. can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance....
Only in America.. are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink....
Only in America.. do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.
Only in America.. do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and
a diet coke.
Only in America.. do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to
the counters.
Only in America.. do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America.. do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place.
Only in America.. do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
Only in America.. do we use the word "politics" to describe the process
so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking
creatures."
Only in America.. do they have drive-up ATM machines with lettering in
Braille.
Only in America.. can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box
and a draft dodger live in the White House.
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight
for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
We're the country that has more food to eat than
any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime
we have to make the down payment on a car that will take 5 years to pay
off.
We demand speed laws that will stop fast driving, then
won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.
We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National
Leagues but mumble through half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner".
We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer,
then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.
We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.
We whip an enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.
We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town
where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
We get upset we're spending over a billion dollars for education, but
spend three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we're
out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.
We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we
still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.
We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and
still have more divorces.
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