From: Gretchen Patti 
 
1. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous 
   and give the wrong answers.

2. What is a committee?  A group of the unwilling, picked from the 
   unfit, to do the unnecessary.

3. Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: 
   "Of all the radio stations in Chicago... we're one of them."

4. With every passing hour, our solar system comes forty-three 
   thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the
   constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who 
   continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress.

5. Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.

6. Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench 
   to pound in the correct screw.

7. Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had 
   years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, 
   make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

8. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
   because I hate plants.

9. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
   rearranging their prejudices.

10. Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of 
    tapes hurtling down the highway.

11. There's so much comedy on television.  Does that cause comedy in 
    the streets?

12. When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

13. Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your 
    triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion 
    Chinese couldn't care less.

14. Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

15. Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a
    mistake when you make it again.

16. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to 
    learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for 
    their apparent disinclination to do so.

17. Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between 
    two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the 
    imaginary rights of another.

18. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

19. "My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, 
    but then I realized that I had no character."
    -- Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaimed 
    "the Charles Barkley of figure skating"

20. "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
    Congress. But I repeat myself." -- Mark Twain

21. Calvin: "People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but 
    they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots 
    in the world."
    
22. On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor 
    Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." 
    Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest 
    grade the University will allow me to award."

23. "Don't worry about temptation -- as you grow older, it starts 
    avoiding you." -- Old Farmer's Almanac

24. Lt.: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
    Maj.: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the 
           air and scatter oneself over a wide area."

25. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone 
    wrong?"  Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more 
    than one night."

26. "Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog

    Source: geocities.com/heartland/oaks/5346/Literature

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