From: owner-mikeys-funnies@youthspecialties.com
Here are some suggested comebacks to unsolicited telephone sales calls:
"I'm sorry, but I'm really busy right now. Give me your home number and
I'll call you back later tonight."
In the middle of the caller's memorized sales pitch, interrupt with: "What
causes a hiccup?"
"Shhh. Wait a minute. I'm here robbing the house. Whoa! I think the owners
just got home. Can you hold?"
When someone asks whether a spouse is at home: "Yes, but I never allow
him/her to talk to strangers."
When someone asks how you are: "Well, I'm having an existential crisis at
the moment. Let me explain . . ."
"You want to sell me insurance? I've been trying to get insurance for
years, but nobody will sell me any!"
To a salesperson hawking a rug-cleaning service, whisper: "Do you get
goat's blood out? How about identifiable fibers and that DNA stuff?"
Another response to rug-cleaners or any person offering home services:
(Break into tears and say) "Is this some kind of joke? My house burned down
last night! We lost everything!"
To a phone company solicitor: "That sounds GREAT! Wait, can you hold for a
minute?" (Leave the phone off the hook until he/she hangs up.)
Use your touch-tone phone to annoy the caller by playing "Mary Had a Little
Lamb":
6-5-4-5
6-6-6
5-5-5
6-6-6.
6-5-4-5
6-6-6-6
5-5-6-5
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