Speech It Doesn't Count

This was one of my most effective speeches! It was the first time I had tried a humorous speech and I was surprised at how easy it turned out to be. It was a big hit with my club!

(Distribute the handout with 3 "rules" to the audience.)

Welcome to the Schubach Miracle Diet seminar. As new suckers ... I mean, customers ... I'm fully confident that you will quickly learn to apply the simple rules of the Schubach Miracle Diet - and it's overriding principle ...

It doesn't count!!

I'm also sure that the Schubach Miracle Diet will work for you, as it has worked for me and thousands of other happy dieters. How many of you have tried some of the myriad of other diet programs out there? Weight Watchers? Atkins? South Beach?

(Pause for response ... Most likely, several hands will go up!)

Thank you. The problem with all of those programs is that they require hard work ... sacrifice ... giving up the foods you love! Now, that's not a good thing!! The Schubach Miracle Diet is simple and doesn't require any sacrifice. No counting, no measuring, no forbidden foods.

In the interests of time, today's seminar will focus on only 3 of the rules of the Schubach Miracle Diet. Of course, my complete manual is on sale for the bargain price of just $500, after today's program!

(Show the audience the "manual." I used a plain blue folder, to represent this manual.)

Now, please look at your handouts and I'll discuss the 3 rules.

Here, I went over the 3 rules in some detail, with examples - mostly personal examples from my own life. I also included examples of how the "rules" can be combined for maximum effectiveness. When going through these, I frequently repeated the principle, It Doesn't Count - with emphasis. I didn't write out this portion of the speech, but I thought out, ahead of time, the kinds of examples I would use. Below is the general flow, including the complete wording of one of my examples (eating half a cake, one bit at a time).

The first rule is, "Food eaten from somebody else's plate does not count." For example, ... (Talk about sharing desserts in a restaurant, taking fries off somebody else's plate at a fast food restaurant, finishing food that small children leave, etc.)

The second rule is, "Food eaten in bites, nibbles and other small portions does not count." Recently, we had a party. My husband went to the store and bought a delicious cake, with sugary icing. It looked really good! Fortunately (or unfortunately), some of our guests brought dessert, so we didn't even open the box with the cake. The cake went into our freezer. Of course, I couldn't eat it, because it had a lot of calories! But, I knew that if I took just a "little piece," it wouldn't count. Over the next few days, I cut off many of these "little pieces" and they didn't count. And here's the good thing ... I see now that about half of the cake is gone, but because I ate it, a little bit at a time, it didn't count! ... (Give more examples, such as the previous one of sharing desserts in a restaurant - which is a combination of both rule 1 and rule 2.)

The third rule is, "Food eaten while standing does not count." (Point out that, food "only counts" if you sit down at a table and consciously eat it. Talk about eating over the sink, picking food off the buffet table at a party, etc.)

Now, please purchase your Schubach Miracle Diet manual (show it again) and watch those pounds fly off like magic! And remember the most important overall guideline of the world-renowned Schubach Miracle Diet.

It doesn't count!!