melissa's new page
(feel free to kill me)


i'm broken. i feel terrible. i feel like dying. irreversable damage to head and heart. i'm stupid. never trust anyone who tells you they love you. never trust anyone at all. when i said it was you or no one, i meant it was you or no one. and now it's not you, now it's just no one. nothing. god damn. you know you had no right. you know you're not playing fair. and i don't understand. and i don't understand why you won't let me in on what you were--you are--thinking.

don't get me wrong. if it was this easy for you to get rid of me after all this time, after all those...well, no matter. but if it was this easy, i don't want you. but god it hurts, it really does. i don't know what to do now. i can't forget even though i know it's what i should do. just tell me, why?

you promised me it wouldn't be like this. my god...we were supposed to be moving in together in less than two weeks. i think you owe me a reason.

you say you can't tell me that you hate me. you say you can't tell me that you don't love me anymore. so tell me, what can you say? i'm sure that you don't read what i write here anymore. and i'm sure it doesn't bother you that i'm dying right now. i'm sure you don't care.

so it all comes down to this. i guess you never did care. i guess you never did love me. let's face it--if you did it wouldn't have been so fucking easy. i don't know what to do. god damn me for letting me let you sneak your way into my mind. and god damn me for letting you make me love you. i don't know what to do.

well anyway, i don't think i'm going to write anymore. words just get you in trouble, words just make you hurt more. i'm throwing away my notebooks. i'm forgetting about this webpage. this is the last that i'll write, the last that i'll care. i don't know what to do now. i can't stay here. i can't need you, i can't think about you anymore. i don't know where to go. i don't know what to do. and no one will tell me, no one will help me.

i don't know. i'm lost. i'm broken. and i just really want to die.

and really, thank you for proving to me that i was always right before you. thank you for showing me that people do really care only about themselves. thank you for showing me that love isn't worth shit. thank you for reminding me to run when someone has the balls to use those words.

but damn me for still loving you anyway.





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