take the power back...

i'd jump
if the ground were lower
and i could win
the feeling of flight.

i don't know if i can describe my planet anymore. i wish i could. i wish i could tell you. i wish i could make you understand. i wish i could make you act with the right...the rights... i wish i could show you how to never let them steal your autonomy, your power, your soul... don't let them do it. don't ever snap... don't ever become their victim. don't ever become that girl that they think lives with a pain she can't handle. don't ever let them label you weak, and tattoo you with crazy. it's a means of dominance, and it means your submitting. resist.

i lived without my shoes. i lived without time in the room with my flat bed, hard against a white wall. glass doors, looking in every fifteen minutes. women without character, lips moving "we're here to help" over and over, like they know what help is. like they know who they are. staring at days through a television, weighted with the stock market, professional wrestling, and seventies sitcoms. don't let them lock you away. don't let them take everything. surrounded. don't let them take your identity.

and you swallow their pills with a smile. and you learn the game, and you crack the jokes you need to. you learn how to act passive. and you learn how to not say "fuck you" and you learn how to bite your lip and paste pieces of pre-cut fabric onto wooden shapes to make yourself sane again. and you hold in your rage until you burst. and then they give you more time behind their locked doors. and you cry. and you hate. and you become a worse person than you ever thought you could be.

and all you wanted was to sleep with the warmth of wood surrounding you, in a darkness that you don't have to fear. and all you wanted was to give up without compromising, without giving in. and all you wanted was to leave a world that defined itself with values you despised. a world that offered compition as its means of breathing. a world of loneliness and isolation. a world that offered disgrace and disgust to every last one of us that weren't willing to collapse against the weight of their hate, against the weight of their race of the better.

i don't know if i really wanted to die. i think i just didn't want to be a part of this anymore. i don't see anyone fighting and i don't have the means to rage war on my own. i'm lonely. i'm tired. i'm tired of breathing. i'm tired of an air growing warmer by the day, and weighted with chemicals the rich have the right to blow into our oxygen. i'm tired of the powerful being able to hold anyone down with a dollar bill. i'm tired of the ignorant. i'm tired of the wasted bliss. i'm tired of the stranglehold on dissent. i'm tired of the way we all have closed our minds to any perceptions against the norm. i didn't set this norm; i didn't ask for it. this isn't normal.

we connect. that's what we do. we connect. we create meaning through sharing. we create belonging through unity. we create and created and perpetuate ourselves by connecting with another human being. you tell me, how can we be defined by competing? you tell me, how can we live in a world that doesn't want anything more than to get ahead? you tell me, how can this be all we've come down to? you tell me, how is this progress?

am i alone? am i alone? am i alone? am i alone?

AM I ALONE?

they locked me up because i couldn't stand this earth i stand in anymore. they locked me up because the quantity of life matters more than the quality. they said i'm a "danger to myself or others". i'm a danger? can i even growl enough of my indignation at this concept to make myself satisfied? i'm a danger? the blood is in my throat. the blood is on their hands.

they're the danger. they're the danger of all of us becoming complaicent in this world we reside. they're the danger of trying to make us all the same. they're a danger to me. a danger to others. a danger to you.

am i alone? i lived in a box with a plastic mirror and a built-in nightlight. i listened to people that had become so alienated by the world and those that would pretend to love them they became weak. powerless as me, except no one had even taught them the words of aggression. no one had ever told them it's alright to resist. they wanted to die. they wanted to hide. they wanted to kill. and group meals won't solve that. a little game a trivia persuit won't make them whole again. and setting them in front of a soap opera certainly won't lead to empowerment or wellness or safety. this world has separated us all from each other. this world has made us rely on technology and the two dimensional images of television and computers and movie screens to make us real. this world has spent so much time and strength in erasing dissent among the powerless and discontent among those with the cash that we can't tell what are illusions anymore. and we end up lonely. and we end up weak. we forget that three dimensional images can shift. we forget that real people have compassion and can actually hear us if we remember how to scream.

and what can i tell you any more? i'm afraid of what they're doing to people behind closed doors, but moreover, i'm afraid of what they're doing to people right out in the open, above our sealed lips. we can't let them subvert us like this. we can't let them prevent self-determination of all people, regardless of our status. we can't do this anymore. we have to change what's normal. we have to create a peace and a union of spirits, a union of minds.

i'm tired of breathing. y'kNOW, i just am. i'm tired of being sad all the time. and i'm tired of being weak. but we have to change things. this is not safe. this is not what all existance can come down to.

fight the war.

am i alone?




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