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Grace in Marriage
Teaching by Willard Sessoms
Marriage has to have God's grace in order to function properly.
In Paul's epistles, there is not many verses on how a wife is to respond to her husband or how the husband is to respond to his wife. The verses in Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 are the most common.
(Ephesians 5:21-32 KJV) Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. {22} Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. {23} For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. {24} Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. {25} Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; {26} That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, {27} That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. {28} So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. {29} For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: {30} For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. {31} For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. {32} This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
What Is Marriage?
Verse 30, for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones; why does Paul say this? Why is talking of the church in this passage of marriage?
(Genesis 2:21-24 KJV) And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; {22} And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. {23} And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. {24} Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
First, Adam chose to do what God told him to do, name all the animals. However, something was missing for God to carry our His overall plan. Therefore, God made Adam a help meet (fit) for him to carry out God's plan and purpose. It is God's plan to make woman for man, but it is our choice to choose to marry. We can serve the Lord without being married.
Marriage has a purpose and plan. It is when two people are joined together and make them one flesh. How does God do this? Ephesians 5:32: "This is a great mystery." We do not know how it happens.
In marriage, a choice is made to make a commitment to each other to do what God wants you to do; the carrying out of this commitment is serving the Lord.
Many times, we have not problem submitting to the Lord but have a hard time submitting to one's husband.
(Ephesians 5:21 KJV) Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
But, it has to be a commitment from both the husband and wife. Marriage is based on love for each other and our relationship to Christ as head of the body. (Ephesians 5:23)
(Ephesians 5:23-24 KJV) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. {24} Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
As we read the text in Ephesians 5:23-24 we can understand the passage in Genesis 3:16.
(Genesis 3:16 KJV) Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Marriage is complete identification with one another, a unity. Often that unity is missing in the home, just as it is missing in the church.
Submit to One Another
How do we submit to each other? How do we operate as a man and wife if the church cannot even operate in oneness? Can we come together so that the wife will be able to say, "I submit to my husband because I am serving the Lord?"
How do we do this?
(Ephesians 5:18-21 KJV) And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; {19} Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; {20} Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; {21} Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
These verses are all one sentence. Before Paul tells you what to do, he tells you how to do it: be filled with the Spirit. Does this give you a clue as to how the marriage can be?
Be Filled With the Spirit
The two shall become one flesh is not literally true. What does it mean? You and I, as members of the Body of Christ, are one with Christ. This means:
- We have oneness of Spirit. In marriage, you cannot operate in the flesh. If you are operating in the flesh, you are not operating in grace. If you are operating in the flesh, you are under the law. If you operate in the Spirit it is done with the issue of grace.
- Ephesians 5:19, ...in your heart to the Lord. It is a spiritual thing.
- Submit to one another is to have oneness of mind and spirit.
Marriage is a spiritual thing, not just physical. The Spirit does not lead you, as a member of the Body of Christ, to keep the law. The Spirit of God today does not take the word and demand that you keep the law. Husbands, you shall not put your wife under a performance-based system. Marriage has to operate in grace.
(Galatians 5:18 KJV) But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
If we are led by the Spirit, we are not under the law. In marriage, if the husband is led by the Spirit, operating as God tells him to operate towards his wife, she should respond as the church responds to the Lord Jesus Christ
Marriage does not always work the way it should. The problem is always caused by not staying in the word of God and not staying spiritual. This needs to be done together by the husband and the wife.
Marriage is a commitment to operate in an oneness and unity to operate just as the church does to Christ. This also, deals with our relationships in our lives to the Lord. Marriage should be our way to follow Christ in Church today.
Many think the marriage ceremony is what makes us one in the sense that it brings us together, the two become one flesh. However, the ceremony is not the marriage. Marriage is what follows the ceremony; it is the relationship that follows. It is the commitment to carry out the vows for the rest of your life.
Became One
It is interesting how Paul talks about when we are saved we are free from something. When you are saved, you are baptized into Christ. This does not mean that you will automatically serve the Lord but now you have the opportunity to serve.
(Romans 7:4 KJV) Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.
The moment we become a member of the Body of Christ we are dead to the law and should operate in the system of grace.
Marriage is not becoming a member of the Body of Christ. Notice the verse says that ye should be married to another. You are a member of the Body of Christ: you have the opportunity to now be joined (married) to the risen Lord Jesus Christ and bring forth fruit unto God.
After you are saved, you can bring forth fruit IF you are married to another. One can be saved but not joined to Christ; many are joined to a religious system. We need to have an understanding of what Christ accomplished.
Notice that it says should be married to another. In our married life today we can begin to be joined together in Christ and it will bring forth fruit unto God. Two people who are not together cannot bring forth fruit unto God.
(Romans 6:4 KJV) Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
Both husband and wife need to have the commitment to be joined to Christ in order to bring forth fruit. It is by grace.
(Titus 2:11 KJV) For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,
Paul always tells husbands to love their wives but does not tell the wives this.
When operating in the Body of Christ, the wife should always be subject to her husband.
 
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