Ambassadors For Christ
Family Pages

Spirit Filled Parenting

An outline of Ephesians 6:4

by Thomas Bruscha

1. The goal of Parenting:
      "...BRING THEM UP..."

   From:	To:
   Dependent	Independent	(Self-Supported)
   Immature	Mature	(Self - Controlled)
   Irresponsible	Responsible	(Self-Disciplined)
   Carnal	Spiritual	(Holy Spirit Controlled)
   Children	Adults	(All of the Above)

2. How to Bring them up:
   1. "IN THE NURTURE ... OF THE LORD"
      "Nurture" means:
      1. To Feed - To Train by example.
         This is something that begins the day a child is born and never ends, day or night, for the rest of your life. A child is nurtured by your example - Proverbs 17:6
      2. To Teach - Educate through Instruction
         Deuteronomy 6:6,7 Gives us an idea of how consistent and how natural this teaching process ought to be.
         
         Proverbs 22:6 Implies that the training process must begin early.
         
         Isaiah 28:9,10 Tells us WHEN to start.
         
         Ephesians 6:1-3 Tells us WHERE to start. Let's begin where God begins. The number one responsibility that God requires of a child is for them to obey their parents in all things (Colossians 3:20).  Begin there!

         (The A-B-C's of Child Raising:)

         1. "CHILDREN OBEY YOUR PARENTS"- Ephesians 6:1
            This speaks of Action. They must learn obedience. This is the first step toward self-discipline. It begins with the parents and carries over to civil authorities and ultimately to God.
         2. "HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER" - Ephesians 6:2
            This speaks of Attitude. A child must learn to respect and honor authority. Proper actions with the wrong attitude is still rebellion. God is equally concerned with our attitude as He is with our actions. He knows that our heart will eventually determine our actions, especially in adulthood.
         3. "THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH THEE" - Ephesians 6:3
            This speaks of Consequences. Every action carries a result. A child must learn that wrong actions and attitudes result in negative consequences.
      3. To Discipline - Correct out of love
         After teaching a child the proper actions and attitude they are to have, and after the child is taught that their actions and attitudes have a negative or positive consequence upon their life; we learn from Ephesians 6:4 that discipline is a means of teaching and enforcing this truth, while we are warned that the wrong king of discipline will work against the child's development.
         
         "Fathers Provoke Not Your Children to Wrath"
         
         This speaks of the wrong kind of discipline. The passage is more concerned with warning against the wrong kinds of discipline than actually instructing us on proper discipline by first learning the wrong kinds of discipline. By comparing the statement above found in Ephesians 6:4 with it's parallel verse in Colossians 3:21 we learn that "TO PROVOKE TO WRATH" means; to cause a anguish (anger) to the point of discourage meant.
         
         While God's design for discipline is to encourage proper attitudes and actions; the wrong kind of discipline, administered at the wrong time, for the wrong reason, will actually discourage proper attitudes and actions.
         
         Three (3) forms of the wrong kind of discipline which can provoke a child to wrath and discouragement are:
         1. Unloving Discipline - This is discipline that is applied unlovingly. As when a parent may discipline a child to satisfy their own anger. (Hebrews 12:9,10).
            
            * Let us, as spiritual parents, administer discipline as God does, out of love and with the best interest of our child in mind. (Hebrews 12:6,11)
         2. Unjust Discipline -Not everything in life is fair and right but we can always count on God to do right and to someday make all things right (Genesis 18:25). without some sense of justice there would be no security in our lives and nothing but chaos in the world. As we trust us to do right.
            
            If we destroy that trust through unjust punishments we will destroy the very sense of right and wrong we are trying to establish in our children. There are three (3) ways we can unjustly discipline:
            1. Disciplining a child for an Incapable task.
               God never expects of us anything that He hasn't already equipped us to do. Such as becoming mature sons and daughters capable of living for Him without being under the law. God has first given us His Holy Spirit. (Galatians 3:23-26; 4:1-7)
               
               From this we learn not to expect maturity from an immature child; to treat our children as one who is under the law, giving them clear explicit commands. We need to remember that a child's body is still developing and so spilling milk and falling and tearing their pants is just part of growing up and not acts of rebellion.
               
               * As parents who are mature and ought to be spiritually controlled, we ought to administer discipline when needed in grace, out of love, angry about sin but not with the child. Our attitude  should be one of unmerited favor toward our children, but disciplining them for their sakes, and reassuring them of our love and full restoration after the discipline.
            2. Disciplining before teaching
               A person is not held responsible for laws that are not spelled out - Romans 5:13,14. (However God can judge men apart from the law because He knows their hearts - (Romans 2:14-16).
               
               * We however, as parents, must tell children up front what they can and cannot do.  Discipline must only follow the breaking of a clear command.
            3. Discipline that is too severe for the offence.
               All of God's laws (and man's laws) carry a penalty for each law broken which is equal in severity to the crime.
               
               * We must also be  careful to measure out a proper and fair discipline according to our child's offence.
         3. No Discipline - (Is the 3rd type of unjust discipline.) If discipline is "Loving Encouragement", than No discipline must be "Unloving Discouragement". There are three in which parents avoid discipline:
            1. By yelling instead of spanking.
               Let's make it clear, "yelling" is not a form of discipline, however it will eventually become very discouraging and even nerve racking.
            2. By a husband leaving all the disciplining up to the wife.
               If a man does not take his God given position and responsibility of being the head and ruler of his home, the "Figure Head" in the home will become confused in the minds of the children and will lead to even problems.
            3. Through ignorance or laziness.
               Most often discipline is avoided simply through ignorance or laziness. This is a form of child abuse or neglect. It is a failure to meet a children's needs. A child needs discipline because:
               1. We are all sinners by nature including your child. - see Proverbs 19:18-21; 22:15; 23:13,14.
               2. Discipline provides a child with the boundaries they need to know: What, When, Where, How Long, and How Far they can go.
               3. The worse thing that can happen to you child (or even to you) is to be left to themselves. - Proverbs 29:15,17
                  
                  This is one of the aspects of "Hell" - Genesis 4:11-14,16; Matthew 7:21-23; 25:41; 2 Thessalonians 1:9.
   2. "IN THE ADMONITION OF THE LORD"
       It seems that "Nurturing" is the primary means of parenting form a child's infancy through childhood; them from adolescence through adulthood the primary method of parenting becomes "Admonition."
      
      "Admonition" is verbal exhortation and warning; as seen in Acts 27:9 and 1 Corinthians 10:11.
      
      "Admonish" means: To enlighten, to teach, to warn, to protest, to advise, to exhort, to call attention to, to put in mind, to caution, to mildly rebuke or gently reprove.
      
      Simply put; To Admonish: is to convey wisdom! ColossIans 2:28 and 3:16.
      
      To exhort and warn a listening child to make them wise before they bring evil upon themselves. - Ecclesiastes 4:13; 12:1,8-12, 13,14.
      
      It is only reasonable that we turn to 2 Timothy 3:16 where we find God's perfect pattern for perfecting (maturing) the saints and find there the Divine plan for us to follow as parents seeking to admonish our children in the Lord. There we learn that:
      
      "ALL SCRIPTURE IS GIVEN BY INSPIRATION OF GOD AND IS PROFITABLE FOR:
      1. Doctrine - We must admonish our children with sound doctrine (teaching) from God's Word.
      2. Reproof - We must admonish, convicting them according to scripture, exposing sinful attitudes actions, warning them of the deceptions of sin.
      3. Correction - We must admonish them to straighten up and straighten out both their wrong thinking and their wrong deeds.
      4. Instruction in Righteousness ..." - We must warn them that all unrighteousness brings a just recompense of reward.
         
         "Instruct" here is the same Greek word translated "Chastening" in Hebrews 12:5 and "Nurture" in Ephesians 6:4. Therefore we learn from this that while the form of discipline may change as a person gets older, no one, ever avoids corrective discipline. A young child may receive a spanking. An older child may be rebuked and grounded. Yet, even an adult is disciplined, for they must pay for the consequences of their sins and all sin has its consequences! Teach and warn your teenagers about this fact!