REMEMBERING ERMA BOMBECK
No More Oatmeal Cookies
Ok. One of these days, you'll shout, "Why don't you kids grow up and act your age!" And they will. Or, "You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do......and don't slam the door!" And they won't.
You'll straighten up the kid's bedrooms near and tidy: bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you'll say outloud, "Now I want it to stay this way." And it will
You'll prepare perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you'll say."Now, there's a meal for company." And you'll eat it alone.
You'll say " I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence do you hear?" And you'll have it.
No more plastic table clothes stained with spaghetti. No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps. No more clothes pins under the sofa. No more playpens to arrange the room around
No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. No more dand on the sheets. No more iron-on patches, rubber bands for ponytails, tight boots or we knotted shoestrings.
Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No baby-sitter for New Year's Eve. Washing once a week. Seeing a steak that isn't ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.
No more PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o'clock at night. Having your own roll of scotch tape.
Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of tooth picks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility.
Only a voice crying, " Why don't you grow up?" and the silence echoing,
"I did."
You'll prepare perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you'll say."Now, there's a meal for company." And you'll eat it alone.
You'll say " I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence do you hear?" And you'll have it.
No more plastic table clothes stained with spaghetti. No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps. No more clothes pins under the sofa. No more playpens to arrange the room around
No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. No more dand on the sheets. No more iron-on patches, rubber bands for ponytails, tight boots or we knotted shoestrings.
Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No baby-sitter for New Year's Eve. Washing once a week. Seeing a steak that isn't ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.
No more PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o'clock at night. Having your own roll of scotch tape.
Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of tooth picks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility.
Only a voice crying, " Why don't you grow up?" and the silence echoing,
"I did."