CLASS ASSIGNMENT A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well honey.." said the slightly prudish parent "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations." HOME EARLY FROM SCHOOL Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question? Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?" THE CAPERPILLAR "Are caterpillars good to eat?" asked little Tommy at the dinner table. "No," said his father, "what makes you ask a question like that while we are eating?" "You had one on your lettuce salad, but it's gone now," replied Tommy. THE WEDDING Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said.... "So why is the groom wearing black?" GRANDMOTHERS COFFEE A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV-'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup! MISHIEVOUS LITTLE BOYS A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman. The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!" The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly,"Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?" At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home slamming himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?" The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!" LITTLE JOHNNY Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?" LABELS A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,"There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know that?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom.