Where do I begin? I started working on
this page about 6 months ago. I not
only did it for Richie, but for myself,
to release my feelings in a creative way,
and also for my aunt Sherry,
to try to help her share not only
her sons' story, but to hopefully help someone
else out there.

I remember the night clearly.
I was on AOL as always, chatting away
with the regular group of AWA's and
my dad was online and said something about
Richie being rushed to the hospital and something
about being burned. That was all they knew.
So i got offline and called them to see
if they knew more. They did not.
All they said was he was being rushed
to USCD Burn Center. So I hung up.
and went back online. Many thoughts running through
my head. At first just the simple thoughts,
maybe he burned himself cooking, you know the
hot water burns or something. And me being
in the depressed mind I have. my thoughts
started getting worse. Thinking about how some people
don't make it through burns and stuff.

My sister was online, and all of the
sudden I got an IM that said
"GET OFF LINE AND CALL ME NOW!!!"
I was instantly off and calling. She answere
the phone crying. Lisa had called and said
that he wasnt gunna make it through the
night. I think my heart fell out onto the floor.
We cried on the phone. Since my husband
was gone to the field I was all alone.
I decided to try and call his work.
After like an hour of waiting and alot
of "we dont know if we will be
able to find him" he called me back.
He had no clue what was going on.
He had just gotten a call and said there
was an emergancy at home. After talking to
him he did what he could and another
hour later he was home, and we were
on our way to San Diego. And for
the first time I was having positive thoughts.
Still not know what had happened, I was hoping
that Lisa was wrong or Tera had took
it wrong. He was gunna make it.
He couldnt die. We tried to think of
what could of happened..car accident, messing around
with his band maybe, making a video.
How could we have guessed what had happened?

We arrived in San Diego at 5 am.
We went to my dads house to see
what was going on. My dad had already
left for work, and everyone else was asleep.
I waited till I heard my sisters alarm go off,
and I went in her room. My first words,
after hugging her were, "so what happed?"
she says to me " You didnt hear?
he did it to himself. They found a note,
he commited suicide" In my mind all the
thoughts of harming myself i had ever though
came into my mind and I realized the
pain I could of been the one leaving.
My step mom Tina came in, and said
as far as she knew he was still alive,
because someone was suppose to call, but they
might not of wanted to wake anyone.
She left for work. Jr left for the hospital.
We both wanted to go, but I was not
taking the kids there, and I did not want to go
alone. Tera and I watched the news.
There he was being put into the ambulance
at wal-mart on a strecher. Strapped down covered
in white up to his neck, all you
could see was the top of his head.
we cried more. Tera but on a tape which
Richie had given to her of himself singing.
At 6:30 the phone rang. We looked at
each other as she answered it.
It was Priscilla. She asked if Tina was there.
She said "no, but Cathy is"
and she handed me the phone. Her exact words were
"Sweetie, he is gone. He went peacfully."
I dont remember what else was said and
then we hung up. And cried more.
Wondering all the WHYS.That one question which
will always be with us.

We decided not to tell Carissa our younger
sister, that it would be best for Tina
to tell her. So when Tina got home
and she was hugging Carissa I looked at
her and said "priscilla called" She knew what i ment.
She sat Carissa down and told her.

Those next few days are blurs.
I was at Sherry and Dans alot and
helped then in many ways.
I am so thankful I got to help them,
that is the part of me that deals
with sorrow, to be able to help someone.

MY LOVE~~~CATHY