I mean, maybe those dates will start flooding in now that I've posted that on the INTERNET (ha), but my main point is that I am prepared. You see, I'm 20 years old at the time I'm writing this. I'm pretty mature and not too painful to look at, and it's nearly impossible for me to date the wrong kind of female now.
The first reason is that I don't drink, so even though I know better than to date shallow girls, I don't end up in situations where I might accidentally hook up with one. In other words, this leaves me with several safeguards that encourage me to seek healthier relationships. I can still theoretically still go to bars, but you and I know the fun of going to a bar and sipping on a virgin daquiri all night. Plus, I do get carded often enough for it to be a pain in the ass. Unfortunately, nearly every girl within 5 years my age drinks, especially at my college, so I often get mucho frowns for the sober bit. But you can't think there's something wrong with college girls, because then you ask the question...
So maybe older women right? Well, in case you didn't know women supposedly mature faster than men, so women are often told to avoid younger men. Also, you have to play things on an individual basis, not by age. For instance, one of the last girls I dated was 4 and a half years my senior, and I did this on purpose... but when she found out how old I was in a casual conversation it was all over. All this time I had assumed she already knew or that she wouldn't care. So much for the age/maturity theory as far as I was concerned.
So all bitching aside, that's my set-up. At first I thought I was "not the dating type", maybe I should only try for serious relationships. But even though I'm very frank and down to Earth, I'm not a serious enough person to want a commitment out of everyone. So what to do when you're wacky and mature, right? Well, one thing every guy has to remember is that assholes get all the dates, but even though they get all the dates they are still referred to as assholes for a reason.
Also, I think all guys need to realize something. Listen up, okay? Almost every guy has the potential to be a nice guy, but the most irritating thing in the fucking world is guys who pull the "Hey, I'm a nice guy" thing. That's right my boys, when you are complaining on some girls shoulder, telling her how she should go for you, the nice guy, you are most likely looking like a big fucking loser. Women go for assholes for several reasons, but one of them is that assholes often have high self esteem (even if they are hateful bastards). So when you whine to a girl about how you're such a great guy, or remind her that women date assholes, she will probably just think you are a depressed dickhead and move as far away as possible. If you're such a swell guy, have a goddamn conversation with the lady instead.
For the answer obsessed, I'll throw you a few more reasons why women date assholes. Because they want to change them; if they can make this evil guy a good guy, that makes them a good person in their own deluded eyes. Because assholes have intiative; while you were at home watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer some guy at the Alumni Club is making out with the girl of your dreams because he bought her four Rolling Rocks and told her she was wearing a nice dress. You can't control the way women act though, so the only thing you can do is be yourself and keep throwing it on the line.
(If at this point you feel I have gone too far or have pranced about like the quite false expert then rest assured I have recieved no fruits for my labor and may very well be a crazy liar as far as YOU are concerned)
The reason I'm writing this is because, even though I have an incredibly unimpressive resume, I am very content with myself and my life. I think some people might benefit from knowing that finding "love", as they call it, is something you can't do with baggage or expectations. I mean you can, but I've done that, and those are some horror stories. I've wasted months upon months with girls because they were pretty and low maintenece. But man, those girls were a serious waste of my time. And, I'm sure I was a waste of their's.
So, for all you men out there who think you're somehow a nice guy, but you constantly find yourself bitter and alone, do yourself a favor: get your thumb out of your ass and put your heart where your mouth is, because when you stop being bitter, you stop caring if you're alone.
Please ignore how cheesy that last line was, and instead try to compare my personality to this picture:
Am I a stud or what?