Feather's Testimony
My Christian life starts from the time I was very young. My father was
in the Navy so with the family moving here and there I got to experience
lots of loss but a lot of gains too. My memory best starts in a Baptist
church in Rockville, Maryland. My father was a deacon and I was at the age of
starting to memorize the books of the Bible and different verses.
In the Spring of 1974, I had taken that "big" step to the front of the
church, accepting Jesus into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior.
I was later baptized on Good Friday of that year. I didn't admit it to
anyone but I knew, even at 8 years old, that I had made that choice then for the wrong reasons. I didn't want that plate of crackers or that yummy grape
juice to pass me again without me getting some.
Time went on, our family moved to Kansas City, Missouri after my Dad's
retirement from the Navy. He started school at the Midwest Baptist
Theological Seminary and I became a preacher's daughter. I was a
typical preacher's daughter. I caused my parents a lot of heartache
over the years. Time continued to move on.
As an adult and a recent graduate of high school, I split. I left my
family and I left the church. It wasn't long and I found myself pregnant and
unwed. Trying to do the right thing, I married the father of my baby
and we were together for three years. During the year we were separated
and then the following year that I dated off and on my next husband, the
terrible anger problem I had for years showed itself at its worse.
As a single mom, I had physically abused my oldest child, my only child
at the time. The state and social workers got involved, but with all
their toiling around and slow paperwork, when they finally decided to do
something to help my child and I, I had other children.
During this process, my oldest child was diagnosed with ADHD, only explaining part of my problem of being a good mom to him. My terrible, uncontrolled anger problem was definitely to blame for the rest. With four years of counseling,
anger management classes, three parenting classes and a four-year battle with
the courts, I lost my rights to be a part of my children's lives.
My current husband at the time, also lost his rights because we were
still married.
After the great loss of losing our three children we both
grieved in different ways. He grieved by drinking, which lead to memory
problems, anger and a violent behavior he had not shown before. Even though I
had been out of church and away from God for years I still turned to Him.
Using what I learned in all my counseling and remembering my Christian
lessons, I saw my life taking one of two turns. One was to withdraw, and grieve by not taking care of myself, or the other choice I had which was to wake up, take care of myself, and continue to become a better person. A person that I can be comfortable with and that my children will be glad to call Mom if
and when they decide to return to my life at the earliest age of eighteen.
After my second divorce in August 1997, I moved from Wichita, Kansas,
which is where all this loss had taken place, to east Tennessee where I have
always felt like it was home and my roots on my dad's side of the
family came from. The first year I was here I was getting into the same thing
I was trying to get away from in Wichita, loser jobs and loser
boyfriends.
I was still in factory work and had started visiting churches in
Johnson City, Tennessee. I ended up living in my car for a whole month. One
particular night toward the end of that month I had gone to a park to
kill some time before I called it a night. I was at the end of my rope and
had given up. Crying out to God why all this was happening to me and why
had He allowed me to lose all that I loved? Where did He want me to go from
there? Then, there she was. A young lady sitting alone on a picnic table
reading a book. I felt something telling me to talk to her (I think God was
whispering that in my ear and I heard and listened).
I went over there and she was just what I needed. I trusted a total
stranger with my story. She asked me to stick around and join her and
her friends for some hot dogs and smores. How could I have turned that
down? She knew I had no where to go and not really anything to eat. Her
friends showed up later. Her and her friends were a group of Christian
students from Milligan College in Johnson City, Tennessee getting together just
to fellowship and praise His name. I enjoyed a good meal and even dessert
with them. Then someone got out his guitar and started playing while the
others started singing Christian songs. I had not heard the songs before but
I knew it was an answer to my prayer.
I was invited to one of the girl's house for a sleepover. Me? I was a
total stranger, welcomed into their home. My life has continued to get
better. I found a loving church that welcomed me as is. After attending this
church for a couple months I joined them, but every time I saw someone get
baptized I felt empty and remembered back about the wrong reasons I had been
baptized the first time. After some counseling with the preacher, I went up
during an invitation song and honestly accepted Jesus into my heart. My
baptism was scheduled the following Sunday, May 16th, 1999. On that morning,
as I was getting ready for church, my brother called and told me my grandma
had passed away. Not letting the devil stop me, I still managed to go to
church that morning. As I was baptized, honestly this time, I really felt the
Holy Spirit fill me with a peace, a peace I had missed out on all these
years. I don't think I would have appreciated it as much as I have had I not
gone through all these trials (James 1:2-4).
A lady came to the church to teach sign language to those that wanted
to learn. It renewed a love I had for the language since I was a girl
attending a church that had a deaf ministry. I then felt the calling
to do God's work through a deaf ministry. It was like He was saying this is
what I want you to do but wait until I say it is time. My life continued to
improve but when I strayed I always got picked up again by His loving
arms.
In February, I joined a Christian chat room for single people 30 yrs
and older. After a couple months in the chat room I felt Him tell me it
was time. That is when I heard God change my name to feather in "HIS" wing
(Psalms 91:4). I am registered at college to start sign language
classes this fall (2001). I have continued to be blessed and learning more and
more each day of what the Word says God's will is for me.
In July 2001, sixteen of us from the chat room met in Memphis
Tennessee. We all laughed and some cried, and some swam, and we drew attention to ourselves at restaurants by throwing peanuts and inhaling the helium
from balloons and just sharing good fellowships with one another. So far
that trip to Memphis has been the best time of my new Christian life. The
weekend was filled with the spirit and praises of His name and
fellowship among brothers and sisters in Christ. Nothing can explain the bonds
that grew between those that were there except that God touched each and
everyone.
I cleared another personal hurdle in Memphis and now my walk is closer
to God. I ran into a situation in Memphis that challenged my emotions.
Instead of running or letting it control me and with the help of a
couple others, I was able to face them. I prayed that God help me learn to
control my emotions and hyperactivity instead of them controlling me. (Isaiah
43:18)
I have grown so much since becoming part of the family in that chat
room and although I have had my rough days I seem to get through them by HIS
grace and the uplifting family does for me in prayer.
This is the end of my testimony for now but I know that God will
continue to work in me and through me and later I will have more to add to this. I wish you all plenty of blessings and pray that you continue to enjoy or for you to receive an awesome blessing in your life so that you can know that wonderful feeling that comes with the touch of HIS grace and the feel
of HIS hand on your heart.
Amen, and God's peace to all.
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