Jimmy's encounter with our Beloved Mother
The Queen of Peace
(an excerpt of his up-coming book "The Secret Order of The Beloved Disciple")
First encounter in Belgrade: Maria, the Young Serbian Student
Second encounter in Medjugorje: The Woman on the Hill of Apparitions
. . . . . .
April 10th, 1999. - Brazde, a refugee camp on the border of Macedonia and Kosovo.
As I walked along the dirt road that separated two long rows of tents I felt a strange sensation, one that I was learning to instantly
recognize. It was her, Maria, and I could feel her presence somewhere nearby. My mind was suddenly overwhelmed, and yet I
couldn't be sure if my instincts were correct. The idea itself was completely satisfying, and it soothed a part of me that was
hurting for these people. But what if she really was there, I thought to myself? Perhaps she was the reason we soared through
every possible obstacle and arrived at the camp so easily. Maybe I was about to see her again, the Beloved that made my heart
sing.
I began walking faster and faster as if my legs alone could bring me straight to her side. My eyes darted back and forth, watching
for a sign, any faint image that would lead me to her. Once or twice I thought I saw her, and I ran to have a closer look. But each
time it turned out to be a young blonde Kosovo girl, and I went on searching.
"Maria, if you're here, please show yourself. I need you. I've always needed you. Show me what to do in this sad place. Show
me how to be truly helpful. Use me to touch these people and bring them some comfort. I can feel you as if you're right beside
me. If you are, if you're really here, then let me know somehow."
Just then I glanced toward one of the tents and saw an old woman crawling out on her hands and knees. Our eyes connected just
as she sat up, positioning herself next to a small baby sleeping on a pile of blankets. She smiled and motioned for me to come over
to her. Hesitantly I walked in her direction and stopped a few feet from her side.
"Are you looking for me?" she asked in English.
"I don't think so," I said to her. "I'm just walking"
"Are you looking for me?" she asked again.
There was a gleam in her eye that was familiar, and when I looked past the outer mask I could feel an unfathomable depth. It was her. It was not an old woman at all. It was Maria, the Beloved.
"Yes, I am looking for you. But how can you be"
"Remember what I said to you," she said. "When you first saw me in Belgrade, how did I appear?"
"As a student?"
"As an ordinary student, and you didn't recognize me. Then on the hill in Medjugorje I explained the essence of my whole
teaching. Do you remember what it was?"
"Yes. You said to find the Divine in everyone, in the ordinary."
"That's right," she said with a toothless smile. "Look past the appearance and see my face in everyone, at all times."
Suddenly the woman's eyes changed and she looked at me strangely. She began to speak to me, but not in English. Maria was
gone, and the old woman had returned. I held out a chocolate bar, then stood up to leave.
"Where are you going?" a middle aged man said as I passed him. "Walk with me for a moment."
I looked into his eyes and was utterly amazed. They were her eyes, the same glowing orbs of light I had seen many times before.
She was actually bouncing from one person to another, and in doing so was teaching me the most essential lesson of all.
"There is only one real gift you can give them," he said. "The food you bring will feed only their bodies, but if you are willing to look
deeper, past the masks and egos, then you will perceive the truth in them. That is when you will truly be of service, for that's
what they want most of all. Look at this body in front of you now. It is tired and rugged, exhausted from days and weeks of trying
to stay alive. You can give him one of your chocolate bars if you want, but it will not solve the real problem. But if you look to the
truth in him, the essence where I am right now, then a spark will come alive that has the power to transform his life. You can do
that simply by looking past all the ways he seems different and separate from you. Focus on the ways you are the same, and that
sameness will take you to the soul where all reality is one."
Once again the look was gone and the man stared at me strangely, as if he had just woken up from a dream. I smiled at him then
turned away, wondering where she went.
"Over here," I heard a voice say. I saw a small girl sitting alone next to a tent smiling at me. I walked over and sat down at her
side.
"Maria, is that you?"
"I'm whoever you want me to be," she said. "Even your definition of Maria is a limitation. You need to let go of even that and
embrace the formless reality that is just beyond all appearances. You think that Maria is different than Jimmy, or this little girl.
There is no Maria, and there is no Jimmy. There is only the Divine. There is only Light. The world is a game, but you can¡¯t enjoy
the game until you realize that. Even here, in this desperate place, you are challenged to look past everything and see the truth.
"Do you really want to be an Emissary of Light?" she continued. "Well this is how it happens: Let go of every idea of who you
think I am, who you think God is, and who you think you are. Let it all go, and see the world through the eyes of God, the eyes that
see everyone as the same, blanketed in holiness and grace. Then you will understand what it really means to be an Emissary. Then
you'll assume your own role as a Teacher of God."
"Maria, I understand what you¡¯re saying, but I'm still so far away. I still need your help to do these things."
"You don't need my help," a young woman said who walked up to my side. I stood up from the child and looked at her. "Look into
my eyes," she continued. "What do you see?"
"I see two eyes, brown"
"Look deeper, look past the physical eyes to the truth. Look at the Face behind the face, the Light behind all lights."
I felt my gaze soften and my focus deepen. Her eyes seemed to glow, and just for an instant I was no longer standing there next to
the tent, or in front of a young woman. I could see the Door of Eternity. It was the same Door Teacher showed me the last time I
ever saw him, the Door that leads to the real world. I was afraid of it then, but now it was calling me forward, pulling me in with
such power that I could not resist. The Light seemed to envelope me, and I felt the most fantastic sense of freedom and joy. I can
never describe what it was like, but in that moment everything made sense, and I understood everything.
"You're feeling Heaven," she said to me. "You don't need to die to feel the truth pulse through your veins. You just need to
release your fear, then enter the Door of Eternity through the person right in front of you. I am always there, God is always there.
You just need to be willing to look, and then you will see the only face there is to see; the face of the Divine."
"It's so simple, and so real," I was able to say. "How could I have missed this before?"
"Because you were afraid to look. Don't ever be afraid again, Jimmy. Everything is about to change, and you need to be ready
for those changes. How else can you complete your mission?"
"What is my mission?" I asked her.
"You will see," she said. "It's not over yet, in fact it has only just begun. I can never leave you, you only need to look into another's eyes and you will see me again. Keep moving forward, and tell everyone to keep moving toward the Light. Humanity stands at
the brink of reality itself. This is the time you¡¯ve been waiting for. This is the moment when you wake up to the truth. Thank God
for this chance, for you have journeyed a great distance to be here."
The young girl's face suddenly changed and I knew Maria was gone. But was she really? I smiled at her and she smiled back at
me. It was a real smile, not put on or condescending. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a chocolate bar, then held it out to
her.
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