Here are the eleven pages of notes provided to the RoastMaster prior to the roast.

Terry was born at St. Margaret’s Hospital in Surry Hills. FORTUNATELY, his mother Gladys couldn’t be with us tonight. If she was, I am sure she may have had a story or two to tell us about the birthday boy. But since she can’t be here it will fall upon you all to come to

the party.

However, to set the scene, Terry’s mother did communicate with us recently. Apparently she came to Terry as an apparition. Here is the story Terry told of the encounter.

I am sure that many of you have fond memories of some of Terry’s best moments over the years.

But to jog your memory, just in case you may have forgotten some of his famous GEMS, Terry’s FIRST WIFE, Mary Fogarty has a short slide-show of Terry over the years.

(Mary tells her GEM then takes us on a journey of reflection - from time to time she may throw in another gem or two – 40 slides will take about 20 minutes).

Well before I tun this over to you guys there are a few house rules you need to follow:

1. If you can’t think of something bad to say about the birthday boy - MAKE SOMETHING UP. From time to time people have confronted Terry with "Remember when you said ...." Invariably he replies: "I don’t remember saying that. Your making that up." The reality is the he is quite forgetful. This is your big chance to get back at the bugger.
2. You are allowed to report WHAT YOU BELIEVE HE WAS THINKING AT THE TIME. You may have noticed. Fogarty has this tendency to look oddily at people from time to time. You can bet your life that what he was really thinking was probably ten times worse then what you thought he was thinking.
3. You probably won’t need to embellish any story in the telling. But IF YOU WANT TO EMBELLISH YOUR STORY. THAT’S OK too. Fogo has never been known for telling the same story the same way twice.
4. We have applied for and received from the NSW Department of Intolerance, Abuse and Lechery as special waiver known as "A Semi-controlled Functions Permit." Inter alia this permits concedes that "as it is likely that during a Semi-controlled functions there will reminisces based on times and values that have changed and given that some of those reminisces may offend some of the people present some of the time it is a prerequisite of the evening that subsequent to the night a written transcript of the function must be provided to the authorised operator no later than seven days prior to the function being planned.

To open proceeding I proceeding I would now like to call on members of Terry’s immediate family to come forward and tell us some of their stories. I will then call on people from various stages of Terry’s life

There were five boys and two girls in Greg Fogarty’s family and two boys and five girls in Gladys O’Brien’s family. Greg married Gladys and begat Tony and Terry. Greg’s sister Olga Fogarty married Gladys brother Paddy O’Brien - they had seven children, Shirley Sly, Galdys’ baby sister had somewhere between 9 - 15 children. Most of the others had a few kids each. Except, three of Greg’s brothers are/were Christian brothers (Peter the baby is Secretary of the Christian Brothers in Rome). To our knowledge they have never sired any children, been summonsed for sexual abuse or married out of wedlock.

Terry went to school first at St. Peter Chanel Primary School in Berala then at Lidcombe Marist Brothers. He must have been an absolute angel at school because we couldn’t find anyone to come forward.

He has one recollection of those days. One afternoon after lunch when he was in 2^nd grade he was called out by Sister.

"Pull your pants down and bend over" she said as she took off her big brown belt. She then proceeded to give him ten good belts across the bum.

"I kissed her, ya stupid bitch. Get yourself a hearing aid why don’t ya".

At Lidcombe Marist Brothers Terry became a bit of a cult hero with his classmates when one day as he was about to be caned by Brother Leatus he turned to him and said "If you grab me by the balls when you go to cane me I will f..ng smack you in the mouth.’

In 1964, at Brother Laetus’ suggestion, Terry joined the Marist Brothers and entered their Juniorate at Mittagong. He later went into the Novitiate but left before taking the VOWS OF POVERTY, CHASTITY AND OBEDIENCE. It is reported that he was found out paying one of the sheep to lift its fleece for him and when confronted by the Novice Master told him to "bugger-off and find your own bloody animal". He was thrown out of the brothers. The official expulsion letter states "in light of your disregard for the needs of others, your unwillingness to share and your blatant refusal to accept the will of those in authority, we hereby suggest that your talents (poor as they are) may be better utilised in the pursuit of some other vocation – preferably not involving children."

"Most of them were queers. We had the likes of XX (now with 60 minutes) heading up the Marian Association. I couldn’t work out why a novice and a master would want to spend hours together in their cell ‘praying’

Innocent old me".

When he left, Rose Higgins (the mother of Terry’s friend Eddy Higgins) told him:

"I always told Eddy you were more likely to become a father before you became a brother"

We couldn’t get a monk to come tonight (unlike what they are used to). (One suspects that most of them have probably died already from syphilis).

Terry left the Marist Brothers and went to work for the NSW Department of Public Transport. He was responsible for handwriting the weekly school sports bus vouchers. After about 2 days into the job he asked the boss. "Why don’t we automate this process – then I could piss off and go surfing".

We understand they told him to piss off anyway.

So he joined the Berala CYO (Catholic Yobbos Organisation). Here he met and nearly married Denise Chandler. After much research we were finally able to contact Denise who agreed to come tonight. She is here amongst us now.

Mary have you worked out who she is yet ?

Terry was admitted to Sydney University in 1967. Evidently he had worked out a way to hack in the central computer system and falsified his leaving certificate results.

He failed 1^st year Psychology because he spent the time pulling the legs of the mice and currying them.

Finally he found his niche. Grovelling around as a Geographer.

Sharon Hillman

It was while he was at University that he met Mary. He was actually trying to jump Robyn McCurdie at the time but she wouldn’t have a bar of him. Neither would Mary at the time. In fact It is a well known fact that Fogarty was the only Arts Graduate of Sydney University during the seventies that never got a xxxk ! (Sorry, that was never gave a xxxk).

At the end of University he asked Mary to be his bride. They were married in the University Chapel and had their reception in Manning House. They drove in Terry’s dad’s HR Holden to the Coolangatta for their honeymoon

When they returned to Sydney, Terry went to Macquarie University. As he now states it, where he "Read for a Ph.D."

What this means is that he was chucked out of Macquarie. This was because he told a senior academic that he was "a faggot and wouldn’t know a juice-ball if he was sucking on one." This was after he had spent nearly four years and about twenty thousand dollars of Mary’s money climbing up poles all over Sydney and taking time lapse photos.

When Mary finally had the look at the film he had shot some ten years later she found:

1. in over 50% of the camera he had left the lens cap on
2. he had forgotten to put film in at least ten of them
3. the majority had been set up outside brothels and he had used a telephoto lens to take pictures of

In disgust she told him to get a real job or get out.

Instead he got a job a planner at the City Council.

Terry saw the ad and thought it had something to do with planning S&M Festivals.

He had just been turned down by Peter Wherritt for a job with Torque ("Probably because I didn’t wear a dress to the interview" reminisces FOG).

He went to the interview at Council wearing a long caftan and clogs.

Kerry Nash employed him because he figured anyone dressed like that was sure to get up the Mayor’s nose. As it turned out Fogarty was more likely to get up the Mayor’s arse. It is claimed it was his actions at the city council that saw the term "brown nose" enter the popular vocabulary.

Roy was prepared to give Terry a job back in 1978 at ICL. But there was an anti-corruption clause in Terry’s contract and the City Treasurer (Bill Wrongman ?) had found out that Fogarty had been accepting hospitality from ICL for years –and they had never invited him. So he made sure old Fog’s days at Council were numbered.

At this juncture Fogarty approached Mike Sage at NCR and told him. "Give me a job and I will give you the City of Sydney on a plate".

So Fogarty resigned from Council. He was given a City Plate as a farewell present.

Prior to his job interview at NCR he went cross-country ski-ing and broke his leg.

He showed up for his interview with Sage on a motor-bike.

"It was the only bloody thing I could drive. Here I was, leg in plaster, pair of shorts cause I couldn’t get me trousers on, pair of thongs and this bloody stupid plate stuck under me arm. I had to change gears by leaning down and clicking them with me finger. I near damn ran off the road twenty times."

"Well thats it" said Sage over a plate of Spanish fried prawns. "The jobs yours. When do we get the contract for the Council" ?

"Shame he broke that plate. We could have used it here tonight."

To tell us about Terry at NCR:

While at NCR and then AT&T there was usually plenty of time and money to allow Terry to bludger at Teacher’s Federation Dinners; Geography Society Dinners and the like.

"I tell you who irritate me the most in society, bloody teachers. When are you going to wake up to yourselves. Ya all the bloody same. Work, work, work. Get a real job, why don’t ya"

It was while working at NCR that Terry moved into Valerie Avenue, Chatswood West and came into contact with a completely different breed of people. North Shories and West Ward Folk.

We don’t expect these folks will have too much to roast him about.

We didn’t invite Julie or Helel Rolf (because we thought the nosie would be too much for them). Fortunately, when the Sullivans heard the roast was on they booked a trip to Queensland. But I am sure there are some street people who might like to chip in.

After he left AT&T Terry had a very specific vision of what he wanted to to. He thought he might retire to something involving the Internet and education.

Then along came Ron Watts, Brian Johns, Terry Cutler and Daniel Petre. Terry used to refer to them as "My well hung Board." He quite enjoyed hob-nobbing it with the University Vice-Chancellors and telling them at every opportunity he got:

"Ron Watts reckons you lot a a bunch of wasterils. Here you are with a 6 billion dollar budget and you waste it all. Here’s good ole Open Net with a miserly few millions and your’e jealous of us. It’s because were showing you buggers up. You lot don’t have any business acumen. Bloddy academic"s.

It wasn’t long before Honest Johnny moved in and Open Net soon became Closed Net.

It whilst he was at Open Net that Terry announced.

"I didn’t get elected" only to tell the a couple of days later "Now their saying I did"

Evidently the General Manager checked when Fogarty would be turning 50. Got onto the Local Government association and got them to put a conference on the Gold Coast.

Fortunately, there are some councilors who don’t take the opportunity to ‘go swill at the trough’ that have joined us tonight. However, we have not been able to work out why none of the Council officers accepted the invitation to attend ?

Terry is renowned for telling us about his family history.

He claims the Fogarty are descended from three Spanish kings who migrated to Ireland. We did some research and confirm that this is partly true, It appears that there were three Spanish kings. However, it also appears that rather than migrating to Ireland they were banished by their people because of the despicable habit of saying the wrong thing at the right time.

In Ireland, FOGO claims hereditary desendency from no less than 175 HIGH KINGS OF IRELAND. We did some further research. At that rate the average generation in Ireland was eleven years. This means that the average age these kings produced progeny was between the ages of 9 and thirteen. It also means that at least 25% of these kings would have either had to be married to one of their sisters or a number of kings in succeeding generations sired progeny from the same queen. Perhaps there are some of Fog’s relatives here to night who can shed some light on this amazing claim.

Fogarty’s first ancestor in Australia was in fact the convict Morgan Power who arrived on the Hell Ship Brittanica in 1798 (the bugger’s family has been here over 200 years). Morgan’s historical claim to fame is that when the Irish rebelled in 1799 at Vinegar Hill (near Penrith) Morgan dobbed his mates into to the british constablary who duly acted and squashed the rebellion. Some relative.

In fact over 50% of Fogarty’s original ancestors who came to Australia were convicts. Michael Fogarty his ggggggrandfather arrived as a convict aboard the in 1828. Michael was transported for the crime of "coining". Fogarty explained what the crime involved.

But not all of his relatives were convicts. The Honourable James Gormly, Terry’s father’s mother’s grandfather was the son a free settler. The Hon. James spent over 40 years in public service in NSW. First as an Alderman and Mayor of Wagga Wagga, then as the founder of the Country Party in the Lower House of the NSW Parliament and finally as a Member of the Legislative Assembly. We can only hope that Terry spends/does not spend the same time as a Councillour - can you imagine what he would look like aged 84 and still attending Council meetings on a Monday night.

PS: Which of his daughters did Terry suggest they bash on the head at birth ? _________________________