By Terry Fogarty
It's dinner at the club on Friday night
Just two hours, but all is sheer delight
The menu is bangers or chook
With chips for everyone
The next course then
Just is not served
Till erybody's done
Then the second course is served
Fruit salad, heaps of ice cream
I really should not eat it
I just must watch my beam
The dishes now the ladies gather
Some with laden tray
Others wash the dishes
And put them all away
Now it's all topped off with coffee
Or tea if that's your taste
Then Jim calls us all to order
Each one must take their place.
First he deals with birthdays
Anniversaries and the rest
To all that's ill and all that's well
Jim wishes them the best
Then Jim hands out the tickets
First the lucky door
Now he flogs the raffle
"A dollar! Maybe more ?"
We have never won the raffle
That remains a mystery
We have won the fruit
The eggs and bacon
But that is history
Now the Bingo cards are given out
We all get set to play
With one cent coins for markers
It's all hands to the fray
The first game, a triple whammy
Jim calls out the numbers
If your card is as good as mine
Join me in my slumbers
He starts the fourth game
Double whammy and a consolation
Two games, merged into one
A test of concentration
Now a special game
All must win a prize
Three more games and that is all
Time flys.
Now the time is passing
It's getting very late
Must get home to watch the footy
It starts at half past eight
Lock up, put out the lights
Wander to a car
Next time we meet, it's Saturday
See you at the bar.
When the leaves are turning yellow, and the ground is smelly too
It’s time to turn the tap off, say that will have to do,
It’s "Him" thas been complaining, said his gardens had enough,
"Too much water Greg", He said "I think it’s pretty rough".
"I’ll have to learn to swim" he said
There’s Terry with the hose and I’m still not out of bed.
Our friend, you know, he does not like the water,
He drank it once, and now he has a daughter.
"It’s OK Greg" he called "You can turn on the hose again"
"I thought I could hear Terry’s hose, when I looked it was only rain"
It only took a moment to pen this little poem
No one else cares, except the garden knome.
I didn’t use any swear words, it tends to spoil the metre
But inspiration comes from my younger brother, Peter
"Him" syas we waste the water, we could save it by the litre
The beef in this case, of course, is "Turn off the bloody meter".
This ode is probably about a neighbour, Col Roffe of Chatswood.
In my first poem, "Up the Club",
I did a winge, now comes the rub, "
I said, "We have never won the raffle, that remains a mystery",
Since then we have won it twice, now that is history.
The Autumn Carnival really proved to be a winner,
I di. not win at Bowls, but I did enjoy the Dinner,
The risk of libel is not coincidental,
An reference to people or goods is purely accidental,
Could the title Alice gave her stall, "Lucky Dip",
Be in fact no more than another Fraudian slip,
Z'he "Dip" title is really fine,
But "Lucky", well, the words not mine.
I got myself a bargain with an electric extension cord,
The lead cost a dollar fifty, it was all I could afford,
On one end was a three pin plug, but it had a missing socket,
To buy the missing part for the lead, I firstly had to hock it.
Terry also found a stteal, but it posed for him a riddle,
He took his time to think it out, then he worked a fiddle,
He bought a can opener to open his money box,
To pay for the can opener, clever fox.
Another year has almost passed, it's Cliristmas time again.
We'll be back for lunch at Concord and to sing an old refain.
Seven happy years it's been since I first discovered craft.
A chance to meet new friends, to work, to talk and laugh.
Unnamed angels, basket weaving
Displaying skills that leave me grieving.
Mavis does a mighty job plus sandwiches and shopping,
She has promised to take me swimming, with concrete shoes to dropin.
When Mavis does the shopping, she brings back quite a bundle,
But folks, you can take it from me,
Cement she will not trundle.
When betty sees me coming she throws her hands up in despair.
But she always is the first to say, "Greg, pull up a chair".
Silvia is always busy, threading the needles with thonging.
Gwen is working outside on the ledge, with her mallet she is donging.
If your choice is a biscuit, a coffee or tea,
Marge Dillon, I tell you, is the one you must see.
Among those who have helped me were Neville and Belle,
But we all have a memory of a friend we knew well.
There have been many people helping us, two are George and Hock.
They come along to help us, they are very precious stock.
A special thanks to Zelda and her daughter that we knew.
There are many others, names elude me,
But thanks to all the crew.
I would like the group to join me in a very special thank you,
To the workers on a Wednesday, for all the work they do.
To all who have given their time to help us so well in the past
We wish you a happy Christmas, with a hope
That our friendship will last.
P. S. I forgot the bus drivers and aIl of their fears,
I ask you to join me in three hearty cheers.
6.12. 94.
Where in the woods where Chatswood stands
Did settlers leave some trees ?
They'd come, all keen and industrious
To drive about the lands they'd seen.
Upon the ridge they laid the tracks
To S'ydney and to wealth
But bit by bit, tree by tree
They took our wealth by stealth.
Upon the scene did come a lass
A lover o f birds and land
Her husband Hayes, a dour old chap
Thought her kind of grand.
Day after day, week after week
Chat draws and peers and dreams
Of stands long gone, amid the trees
On King's Plains and her loved ravines.
When such time comes as to sell the land
Where upon Chatswood is seen
A name is sought to tell the world
All about Chattie's magical dream.
"Chat's Wood it'll be, that'll get them in "
Proclaims Hayes, wringing hands with glee
"They'll flock here in droves and who knows"
You might sell a painting or three .
"What do you mean ", the lass quietly asks
As she sets off to wander her woods
"I've named it for you and those trees where you go
Everyday down in Chattie's Woods" .
Copyright ® T.Fogarty,1996
It was the day of our craft club's
Christmas Dinner
With Willoughby Legion as the venue
The day is always a winner
Running just a little late
Glady and I caught the bus
We left Chatswood station right on time
And really without any fuss
As we entered Victoria Street
The traffic slowed to a crawl
It was stop and start all the way
Our spirits they seemed to fall
A utility stopped in the traffic
Dead centre and stopping both lanes
Soon all the horns began blaring
And nobody made any gains
The driver in the utility
Wound down his car window
"I'm sorry" he said "I've broken down
and now I need a tow"
From up high the bus driver replied
"Move over you mug, I'll be late"
"You'll have to go round I'm not moving"
Yelled the offender really irate
The bus driver inched his way forward
Not to cross the double white line
Cursing and muttering he crawled along
Calling the other driver a "swine"
One problem remained, his tail was not clear
Metal crunched as the vehicles met
As the bus gathered speed the driver growled
"I'll beat this character yet"
Incensed the driver now chased the bus
Forcing open the passenger door
Climbing aboard he berated the bussie
Then knocked him to the floor
Out of control the bus mounted the kerb
I rose to help, but fell on the deck
With everyone screaming the bus took a swerve
Then crashed into a bank for a check
With sirens blaring, squad cars converged
On the bank - to find - devastation
Within minutes more police and ambulance poured in
With sirens wailing for investigation
One squad immediately entered the bank
To hear staff describe the disturbance
Other officers gathered, the stunned and injured
Before loading up the ambulance
Other police assumed the mammoth task
Of restoring the traffic flow
As everything now was well in hand
The rest were told to go
After completing our statements, we're allowed to leave
So decided not to hang about
After waiting fifteen minutes for a bus
We're told they're proceeding by another route
We arrived late for the dinner
All stressed and shaken
Told the whole story
And the time it had taken
"Heavens" said Mavis
The whole thing sounds gory
You need gin and tonic
What a terrible story
"No", I replied
With a smile sardonic
I'll just settle
For the gin and tonic.
UP AT SIX, FEED FISH, BIRD AND SELF, NO FUSS,
SHOWER AND DRESS, I'LL MAKE THE EARLY BUS ,
ONE MORE CHORE BEFORE I GO, FRUIT PEEL IN THE COMPOST BIN,
I CANNOT USE THE PATH, THE PALMS WILL NOT LET ME WIN.
THERE' S A MIGHTY SPLASH, FRUIT PEELINGS IN THE SPA,
HANG ON A MINUTE, THAT'S NOT ALL, I'M THERE TOO, CLOTHES AND
ALL.
AS I HIT THE BOTTOM I'M THlNKING "WHAT A FALL"
I WAS OUT OF THE SPA BEFORE YOU COULD COUNT TO TEN.
THE AIR WAS BLUE, I WAS TOO, I'M GOING SHOPPING? WHEN?
I MAKE THE STAIRS IN RECORD TIME, WITH LANGUAGE VERY CRUDE.
OFF CAME MY CLOTHES, DUDS AND ALL, TILL I WAS STANDING NUDE.
WHY DID I SHOWER BEFORE, I NEED ANOTHER NOW, NO FUSS,
REDRESS, PEG OUT MY CLOTHES, I STILL MIGHT MAKE THE BUS.
AT THE BUS STOP I REMEMBER, MY JACKET FOR THE CLEANERS,
I GO BACK HOME AGAIN.
I RAM MY JACKET IN THE BAG AS I HEAD TOWARDS THE BUS,
THEN, DOWN CAME THE RAIN.