|
Lessons of Life
(as Taught by a Big Brother)*
There are people who
go their entire lives without ever having known a soul like
Tom’s. They are the
ones to be pitied.
Not only have we known Tom, we have
been loved by him. What
a gift of life!
There are so many lessons I have
taken from Tom; he taught simply by the way he lived.
After a long day of working hard
out on the farms, he’d come home, take a shower, and revel in a
bowl of vanilla ice cream. The
simple things in life really are the best.
He surprised us by coming home for
Christmas one year while in the Air Force after telling us he
wouldn’t be able to make it.
Often the best gift
you can give is the gift of your company; and it doesn’t hurt to
add a little good-natured deception and subterfuge to keep life
interesting.
He’d wrap a band around his
bell-bottom pants (in between the time they were first in style
and the time they came in style again), put on his big white bike
helmet and sunglasses, and hop on his bike to ride to school. Even if other people
don’t think you look cool doing it, it’s okay because doing
your own thing and what you know to be right is the coolest thing
you can do.
When going through a particularly
difficult time in my early college years, Tom once wrote me, “It
has to get worse before it can get better.” Rather than waiting for
the next bad moment in life, we need always to look forward to the
next good one.
He dated rarely but when he finally
met Nance, he wasted no time. Tom was wonderful before he met
Nancy but you could see that he truly came alive after he found
her. Know what you want, have confidence you will find it, don’t settle for
anything less, and you will never be disappointed.
He played
weekly games of Stratego with his friends and while he
later mourned when his good friend Tom died much too soon, he had
many cherished memories of their time together. Friendships
are important but they don’t just happen, they must be nurtured;
time spent with friends is time to be treasured.
He held a
different set of political opinions from Dad’s and he wasn’t
afraid to voice them but he did so quietly and calmly. It’s okay to disagree with people, even those you love, but
disagreement is handled most effectively when done with respect
for the other person.
Tom and
Nancy bought a house with a patio opening from the basement to the
backyard with an easy slope around the house to the street. Nancy told me later, as Tom was building his plane in the
basement, she now understood why he was so sure that was the right
house for them. Having
meaningful goals in life, planning each step to achieve them, and
working to make your dreams come true is a reward in itself.
He could
work a room better than any politician because he did it
naturally, seeming to not even realize he was doing it. He made
you feel what you were doing, whatever it was, was important and
interesting. In return, he soaked up your thoughts and experiences
and used them to better understand himself and life.
Stepping outside
yourself and into the lives of others allows you grow as you live
and learn vicariously; valuing people, their opinions and lives is
the best party-trick there is.
He took
me cross-country skiing once, out at the farms. He worked hard to cut a trail for me and I worked harder to
keep up with him even with the path he had laid.
And though it was cold, you didn’t feel it because you
were working so hard and the world was so peaceful, calm, and
beautiful. There is spirituality and comfort both in hard work and in nature.
Some of
us have never known a world without Tom. For his five siblings, he
has always been there, blazing the trail and smoothing the path so
that it would be easier for us to follow; and teaching life’s
lessons along the way. Now,
once again, he has taken the path before us. And while we may
still work harder to follow his path than he may have had to work
to cut it, we can find peace in the work and in knowing that we do
not need to be afraid of what is waiting around the next bend,
because wherever it leads us he will still be there first. As
Kevin said to me this morning, “he has simply traded in his
airplane for a different set of wings” and, wow, do his new
wings ever fly!
*and Learned
by a Loving Sister |