Here's Some Tummy Ticklers!



After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her  three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"

A young man was taking a verbal test to join the local police force.  The question asked, "If you were driving a police car, alone on a lonely road at night, and was being chased by a gang of crimainal driving sixty miles an hour, what would you do?" The young man answered without a second's thought: "Seventy!"

A doctor apologized for keeping an elderly woman waiting so long in his office. "That's all right," she said demurely. "I just thought you'd like to treat my illness while it was in its early stages!"

I walked into my six-year-old grandson's room to kiss him good-night and found it with wall-to-wall toys, books, and clothing. I asked him, "How can you live in such a mess?" He smiled knowingly and said, "I step like the song we sang in Sunday school this morning: "Softly and Tenderly."

A little boy was roughhousing with his dog.  His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Granger, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here!"

When asked what she wanted for her birthday, little Sarah said, "One of everything, please!"

A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time just before Easter.  The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you...

A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.  We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten th know you sooner!"

A woman took her Social Security check to the bank to cash it. although the check was plainly marked "Do not fold, staple, or mutilate," she had rumpled it considerably. The teller told her, "You should be more careful with your checks. The government doesn't like it when you muss them up." The woman replied, "Well then, we're even. I don't like some of the things the government does, either!"

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct.  But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

One day a space shuttle crashed to the ground in the yard of a pre-school. When he finally struggled out of the wreckage, the astronaut shouted, "I'm free!  I'm free!!!" At this point, one of the little children standing there shouted back, "Big deal, I'm four!"

A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town.  When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively. "I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied.  "I just prayed for more snow."

A mother told her young son to go to bed and be sure to say his prayers and ask God to make him a good boy. The boy's father, passing by the bedroom, overheard his son praying:  "And make me a good boy if You can; and if You can't, don't worry about it, 'cause I'm having fun the way I am."

A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone here know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied:  "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?"

A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother said, "Where did you get all that money.?  "At Sunday school," the boy replied nonchalantly.  "They have bowls of them back there in the church, Mama."

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE." He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Grandma, You wear the same size as our waterbed!"