Control! There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'." Last Words Three buddies die in a car crash and they are in the midst of an orientation to get into heaven. They are all asked the same question, "When you are in your casket, and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says, " I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a dedicated family man that made a difference in the lives of all the people I touched." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband, father and teacher and that I made a huge difference in the lives of children which will effect the future of the world." The last guy thinks a while then replies, "I would like to hear them say...LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!"