Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle.

Do files get embarassed when they get unzipped?

Don't you hate when life throws you a curveball and you forget to duck?

If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.

It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way.

Life is cheap, it's the accessories that kill you.

Assumption is the mother of all screw ups.

I'll listen to logic and reason when it comes out on a CD.

You're never to old to learn something stupid.

A Smith & Wesson always beats four aces.

Getting what they deserve doesn't satisfy many people.

Never eat anything at one sitting that you can't lift.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you do it again.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Hard work never killed anybody…but why take chances?

There are few problems that can't be solved with high explosives.

All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

I think animal testing is terrible; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegitarian.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Never go to a doctor whose plants have died.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Any man who has all the answers most likely misunderstood the questions.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

The sooner you fall behind the more time you have to catch up.

How beautiful it is to do nothing, then rest afterwards.

If you think nobody cares, miss a couple of payments.

Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.

What I need ia a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.

It's impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Never teach a pig to sing, you'll frustrate yourself and annoy the pig.

Life would be much easier if I had the source code.

Boycott shampoo, demand real poo.