THE VISIT
I've always had the Lord in my heart, but during some really painful and trying times, I selfishly wanted out of this world. Oblivion seemed my Heaven. I was hurting so bad that I really thought I wanted to die. I had two sons, though, so I realized that this was not an option for me. I really didn't think I could stand the hurt any longer. I can vividly remember being in bed drenched in tears of hurt and pain. I prayed to my Lord and said, "Lord, I can't live with this hurt. I beg you to help me, Lord. Please help me. I can't make it any longer."
Then, I felt a presence in the room. I lay perfecly quiet with wonder and apprehension. I knew something or someone was in the room with me. I wasn't really afraid, but was very curious as to the feelings I was having. Then, all at once, I felt such Peace and Love that I almost shouted for joy. I said, "Oh God, Thank you for being here with me. I feel your loving arms around me!" I didn't know how, but I knew Who. I knew that with Love like that for me, the Lord wouldn't let anything happen that I couldn't handle. I knew I had His help. Since that night, I have never felt alone again.
HEARTS for HEALING
On June 10, 1995, I lost my oldest son, Michael. He and his girlfriend Kathy, were killed in a two car accident. Losing a child is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Burying your own child is incomprehensible. We all have our own way of coping. My friends and family have induldged me, but I know they don't know what to think of me. I really don't think that they believe me when I share this with them.
I find hearts in the strangest places. Whenever I find one, I know it is from Michael. It is his way of saying, "Hi Mom, I'm fine, and you are too." I've found heart shaped-rocks, heart-shaped water drops, heart-shaped indentions in trees, heart-shaped clouds, heart-shaped paint chips, etc, etc. Mind you, I can be just living my life, not looking for one, then I am just bowled over when one "jumps" out at me. I've seen so many hearts and have shared so much of my wonder and joy with my friends that one of my friends, Sandra, gave me a crystal heart for Christmas. No one but my closest friends understood why the heart meant so much to me.
I teach a night class at the community college. One night, as I was driving home from class, I just happened to glance up at the sky. My mind was miles away, so I wasn't looking for anything in particular. What I saw, though, caused me to shout with joy, "Wow, Michael! You have really out done yourself this time!"
What I saw still gives me goose bumps. The sky was a beautiful shade of midnight blue. It was sparkling with stars all through the sky. But what made me catch my breath was the moon. It was a gorgeous, golden, full moon. That in itself would have been a picture to behold, but that wasn't all. The moon was circled with a fluffy, white cloud in the shape of a HEART! The golden moon was placed at the heart of the heart. It inspired me to paint a picture. I've tried and tried to capture the beauty I saw that night, but my abilites with the paint program limit me. I hope that the picture I painted with my words will give you the feeling of love that I felt that night. No, I am not alone, I'm far from alone.
If you have similar experiences to share, I'd love to hear from you. You can reach me at teacher@ipa.net.