Host: Eric Idle
Jackson: Terry Jones

Host: Last week the Royal Festival Hall saw the first performance of a new symphony by one of the world's leading modern composers, Arthur "Two sheds" Jackson. Mr. Jackson.
Jackson: Hello.
Host: May I just sidetrack for one moment. This -- what shall I call it -- nickname of yours... Jackson: Ah yes.
Host: "Two sheds". How did you come by it?
Jackson: Well, I don't use it myself, but some of my friends call me "Two sheds".
Host: And do you in fact have two sheds?
Jackson: No, I've only got one. I've had one for some time, but a few years ago I said I was thinking of getting another, and since then some people have called me "Two sheds".
Host: In spite of the fact that you only have one.
Jackson: Yes.
Host: And are you still intending to purchase this second shed?
Jackson (impatient): No!
Host: ...To bring you in line with your epithet?
Jackson: No.
Host: I see, I see. Well to return to your symphony.
Jackson: Ah yes.
Host: Did you write this symphony in the shed?
Jackson (surprised): No!
Host: Have you written any of your recent works in this shed of yours?
Jackson: No, no, not at all. It's just an ordinary garden shed.
Host: I see, I see. And you're thinking of buying this second shed to write in?
Jackson: No, no. Look. This shed business--it doesn't really matter. The sheds aren't important. A few friends call me Two sheds and that's all there is to it. I wish you'd ask me about the music. Everybody talks about the sheds. They've got it out of proportion--I'm a composer. I'm going to get rid of the shed. I'm fed up with it!
Host: Then you'll be Arthur 'No sheds' Jackson, eh?
Jackson: Look, forget about the sheds. They don't matter.
Host (sternly): Mr. Jackson, I think, with respect, we ought to return to the subject of your symphony.
Jackson: What?
Host: Apparently your symphony was written for tympani and organ....
(Picture of a shed appears on the screen behind them)
Jackson (turning around): What's that!?!?!???
Host (innocently): What's what?
Jackson: It's a shed!!...get it off!! get it off!!!
(Interviewer motions to picture, and it is replaced by a picture of Jackson himself)
Jackson (grudgingly): Alright....that's better...
Host: I understand that you used to be interested in train-spotting?
Jackson: What?
Host: I understand that, about thirty years ago, you were interested in train-spotting.
Jackson: Well what's that got to do with my bloody music?
John Cleese (entering): Are you having trouble with him?
Host: Yes, a little.
Jackson: Good lord! You're the man who interviewed Sir Edward Ross earlier.
Cleese: Exactly. Well we interviewers are more than a match for the likes of you, "Two sheds".
Host: Yes, make yourself scarce, "Two sheds". This studio isn't big enough for the three of us! [They throw him out]
Jackson: Here, what are you doing? Stop it! [Crash.]
Cleese: Get your own Arts programme, you fairy!
Host: Arthur "Two sheds" Jackson...Never mind, Timmy.
Cleese: Oh Mike, you're such a comfort.