So, what's the big news today? What's happening in this world that you should be aware of. Heck, read the newspaper sometime or head on over to Yahoo! to see what's going on. This news column from Chilly World will be dealing more with hippos eating catfish than it will be talking about Kosovo or Chinese Iron Chefs. Usually, I will be featuring one column each week, sometimes more or less.

Texas overtaken by giant hamsters
-Chilly World press-
On Tuesday, July 10, 2001, President Bauer declared all of the continental America under predetary disaster by giant hamsters. Two hours prior, a large, dark cloud was spotted over the Gulf Coast by a merry band of friars and reported to the National Association of Whoppers. To Texas's dismay, the cloud turned out to be over two billion extremely large hamsters - estimating at weighing over fifty pounds each. Within minutes, nearly every house and RV in the state had reported structural damage and food loss to these uncanny rodents. Within another half hour, no human was to be found, yet the animals were everywhere and seemed to be headed west toward California. Supposedly, all the people resorted to unknown family caves and caverns hidden deep below the surface and the black gold.
Ran Dather of Chilly World News, Inc. has much to say on this deep and theological issue: "One time, as a small boy, I had a gerbil. I was even then a democrat, as was my pet. Actually, it was a dog, but that's beside the point. My
dog. . . er. . . cat was not very ferocious but liked Third Day and Saviour Machine. It was still a democrat. It liked tuna and hamster food. By the way, did I ever mention that it was a republican. To be honest, it really wasn't. It was a democrat and voted for Kennedy every chance he got after 1963. Strange cat. Dumb if you ask me. Stupid. What an idiot! Who would ever want a pet like that?! Not me, nor my frying pan."
Frank Sinatra concludes this story with a heartfelt, yet somewhat unemotional line: "I should've stayed with Nancy. Too bad. I was a fool. Click here to see why."

(This story isn't exactly true. Hee hee.)