This was the first pic I did after coming back to Florida. A ten-day personal trail of mine that required me to return to New Jersey. My mother had died recently and I was to attend her funeral.
I don't really talk about it too much, and I know that I should. We were never really close in the past few years, but the loss still hurts for me. She was sick for some time, and hearing that she was gone was not much of a surprise by the severity of her ills but it was still a bitter pill to take in. It's been almost two months and I still have problems taking it all in.

Depressing opener, I know. :'-(

Ten days of trying to take it all in, the news. The realization. I was her pallbearer after the viewing. I wore a jacket I borrowed of a realative and a clip-on tie I haven't seen in years.

I came back to Florida, exhasuted, tired. The transistion between NJ and FL was just a blur to me now. And coming back, all I could think about was trying to get a grip on my life and get things back together. I kept telling myself that I'll come to work and some moron will say the wrong thing and I'll end up driving a screwdriver into his ear or something. (Not surprising, I did snap back at one supervisor. His "condolances" forced to reply in sharp retort, "Don't BS me right now.") Somehow, I managed to finish the shift and get back home. Came home to the revelation that I was beyond frayed. Spent the time staring at this bottle of unopened Ny-Quil. Mostly because it was the only thing with alcohol in it at the time. Thinking back, I've learned that human grief and anguish has no bounds and if I don't do something, I would something ill-advised and very costly.

I was lucky to talk to a friend on IM. Gave me something to do, some distraction that kept me somewhat in line. There nothing I could do; the spare time I had became a burden I started to loathe. We started to talk about the contriversy with Disney and it's sequels. It seems to be a constant debate amoung Disney fans everywhere. And for whatever reason, I had the idea of posting Melody with Cody, since they are in sequels. It was something. And I was more then grateful that I was finally able to do something.

I owe this pic a lot. And to the friends that stood by me during this rough time. It helped me. Sounds corny or even stupid, I know. But it gave me the time I needed to start getting my life back together and to rethink my priorities in life. I needed that, badly.

Mom, I love you and I miss you. :-(

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