When Am I Gonna Get Over You
Chapter Three of Music of the Heart
DISCLAIMER: We own nothing except our original story idea. The shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, Lazy Dave Productions, 20th Century Fox, et al. We are merely borrowing them for our story.
PAIRING: Various romantic pairings throughout the course of the story.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Season 5 of “Buffy” and season 2 of “Angel.” After that, the story spins off into our own little alternate universe.
SUMMARY: An A/U fic in which Buffy is dead and some unexpected people arrive in Sunnydale to help the Scooby Gang.
NOTE: We do not own any rights to the song, “When Am I Gonna Get Over You.” It belongs to Leann Rimes and we merely borrowed the lyrics for our story. Italics indicate song lyrics.
DISTRIBUTION: THC, anyone else, please ask us first.
Graham pulled the Explorer off the road at the next exit. The trio looked through the windows at what the small town had to offer. They were definitely out in the middle of practically nowhere. It seemed that there was only one place to eat and that was Mabel’s Restaurant.
He pulled into the parking lot and turned to look at his companions. “Shall we give Mabel a try?”
“Doesn’t look like there’s much of a choice,” Riley replied matter-of-factly.
“I’m not picky,” Cordelia chimed in. It was the first thing she’d said since Riley had awakened and caught her and Graham making out in the front seat.
“Mabel’s it is, then,” Graham agreed. He shut off the engine, then hopped out, quickly making his way around to the passenger side of the vehicle to open Cordelia’s door for her. He extended a hand out to her to help her down.
As she placed one hand in his and stepped out of the truck, she brought her other hand to her chest and affected a Southern accent. “Why, I’ll be! And here I thought that chivalry was most surely dead! You are proving me wrong, Mr. Miller.”
Graham broke into a huge smile that lit up his whole face. He was definitely falling for her; there was no doubt in his mind about that. He bent at the waist in a sweeping bow. “I’m at your service, ma’am.”
Riley just shook his head at the two of them as he climbed out of the back seat. Even though he himself was hurting, it was good to see two people happy and very obviously falling in love with each other. For as long as he’d known Graham, there had only been one other girl that his friend had been in love with, and it had ended badly.
Fortunately, Riley had been there to pick up the pieces and help Graham move on. He could only hope that Cordy wouldn’t end up hurting his best friend. Riley didn’t know if he currently possessed what it would take to help Graham through another broken heart.
The two of them were already strolling toward the entrance to the restaurant, hand in hand. Graham stopped to open the door for her. Riley brought up the rear, but had a chance to give his friend a knowing look before they followed Cordy inside. She was already standing at the hostess podium, getting them a table.
A woman who appeared to be old enough to be a great-grandmother to the three of them led them to a booth. She stopped in front of it and gestured. “This okay?”
“It’s fine,” Riley assured her as he slid along the vinyl seat. Graham and Cordelia sat on the opposite side of the table and the woman handed a menu to each of them, as she stated that a waitress would be with them shortly.
Cordelia and Graham seemed to be completely lost in each other, so Riley busied himself with studying the menu. “Hey, they have country fried steak,” he announced as a means of breaking the silence.
“That sounds good,” Graham replied, finally taking his eyes off of Cordelia to look across the table at his friend. He had one of the goofiest grins on his face and Riley had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.
“Well, *I* can’t eat that!” Cordelia exclaimed. “I’m going to have the chef salad with the oil and vinegar dressing on the side.”
Graham turned to look at her in astonishment. “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to eat?”
“I’ve got to watch my figure,” she informed him.
“Well, *I’m* watching your figure and I think it’s just fine…”
She playfully slapped him on the upper arm as she blushed. “Graham!”
“Cordelia!” He teased back as he started to tickle her.
“Stop, no, don’t tickle me! I need to go use the ladies room!”
“Convenient excuse,” Graham replied, but he slid out of the booth to let her out.
“Order my salad for me, please?”
“On one condition,” he told her with a mischievous twinkle in his blue eyes.
“What’s that?” She asked as she placed her hands on her hips.
“That you eat a hot fudge sundae afterward.”
“I’ll split a sundae with you, and that’s my final offer.” She said, turning on her heel to go find the restroom.
Graham shook his head as he slid back into the booth. “She’s impossible.”
“And you are loving every minute of it, I can tell.” Riley answered smiling at him.
“Yeah, I am.” Graham agreed.
The waitress came just then, interrupting any further conversation while she took their orders. The men both ordered the chicken fried steak with all the trimmings and placed Cordy’s order for her chef salad with the dressing on the side.
After she’d gone, Riley turned his attention back to his best friend. “Only one thing worries me, Gray.”
“What’s that, Rye?” He asked a bit warily. Graham thought he knew where this conversation was headed and he didn’t like it one bit.
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again, man. The last time you were in love, it nearly killed you.”
“I don’t want that either, Riley, but this time is different. Cordelia is different. I don’t think she’s even capable of the kinds of things that Elaine did to me. She seems really sweet.” He took a sip of his ice water and glanced in the direction of the restrooms.
“All I’m saying is…” Graham held up a hand, effectively cutting Riley off before he could finish.
“I appreciate your concern, Rye, really I do, but I’ll be okay. I promise.”
“All right, Gray. You know what’s best for you.”
The conversation ended on that note, for Cordelia was making her way back to the table. Graham stood up once more to allow her to get back in. He sat down next to her and reached for her hand under the table. She interlaced her fingers with his and smiled.
“Did you miss me?”
“Every second you were gone,” Graham replied.
Riley couldn’t help but feel like a third wheel as the couple flirted throughout lunch, but he had to admit it was nice seeing Gray relax again. Graham had been correct, Cordelia was very different from Miss Tennessee. She’d been a pampered, rich beauty queen, who decided whether someone was worthy of her attention, by the mere zeros in a person’s bank account. Graham had meet Elaine on Spring Break in Palm Springs, and his heart had been stolen the moment she’d agreed to let him buy her a drink.
Unfortunately, Graham had fallen in love, while Elaine had gone slumming for the type of boy daddy would hate on sight… a jarhead… a marine. Riley assumed either the sex had to have been amazing, or she was really pissing her father off, because she hung around for a while. Then one day as quickly as she’d blown into Graham’s life, Hurricane Elaine was gone, leaving Riley and Forrest to reconstruct Graham in her wake.
“Okay, who’s got the bill?” Graham asked, pulling Riley’s attention back to the present.
“I do. You filled the tank last time and got the coffee.” Riley said, throwing $25.00 on the table to cover the cost of lunch and a generous tip.
“My goodness, a man who tips well?” Cordelia purred, linking her arm through Riley’s.
“And you know what they say about a man who tips well?” she asked him as he held the door open for her.
“What, that he’s well endowed?” Graham laughed.
“No, that he’s a gentleman, you heathen.” Cordelia answered with a squeal as Graham swept her up into his arms.
“So, he’s a gentleman, and what’s that make me?” he asked against her ear.
“A sexy, handsome gentleman.” She smiled with her eyes twinkling.
“Whaddya say we dump him and run away to Vegas together?” He teased, setting her on her feet at the truck
“Oh no, I’m planning on marrying him, not you! You’re just gonna be my boy toy.” She giggled at seeing the look on his face.
“Yup, tied up in my bed, while I feed you grapes and wine.”
“Cordy, he’s definitely more of a pretzels and beer type of guy. Sorry to burst your bubble.” Riley said, snagging the keys. Seeing them so happy was causing his heart to ache even more than it had before. This should have been what he and Buffy had waiting in their future, instead of what lay ahead of him now. He wondered suddenly who’d paid for her tombstone and if fresh flowers were laid on her grave each morning. Taking a deep shaky breath, he opened the truck’s doors and climbed into the back seat, he suddenly didn’t feel like driving anymore. Truth was he didn’t feel like doing *any* thing any more.
In the less than 48 hours since Cordelia had joined their road trip cross-country, Riley’s whole world had crumbled. All he wanted was to curl up into a ball and die, but being under the watchful gaze of his best friend and his new sworn protector, it was impossible. All day between their flirting and touching, the pair took turns watching him and talking to him, but all he wanted to do was pull the blanket over his head and cry his heart out.
How could the world go on turning when she was gone? She was his sun and his moon, as well as his entire reason for being. Okay, so they’d been apart for over 6 months, but knowing she was in the world made what he was doing make sense.
You told me on the day that you left me
To take real good care of myself
But it's so hard to do if I can't have
You here to hold me when I want nobody else
When am I gonna get over you
And stop living in the past?
When am I gonna get over you?
When my poor heart beats its last
Sitting in the truck watching the world whiz by made him feel like he was losing his tenuous grip on it. As hard as he tried to focus on the landscape, his eyes were dragged to the blacktop rushing under their wheels. It would be so easy to open the door and throw himself under the wheels to end his pain. He even reached for the door handle, but his brain screamed at him to stop. Ending his own life would not bring Buffy back it screamed. Yeah, but the pain would stop, his heart screamed.
Soon you'll wake me and you'll
say I've been dreaming
I'll just have to wait ‘til then
Until my time here is done and
the angels come to take me
Then I'll be with you again
When am I gonna get over you
And stop living in the past?
When am I gonna get over you?
When my poor heart beats its last
“Rye?” Graham asked, pulling him from his inner battle.
“Yeah?” He answered, discreetly wiping a lone tear away. So his head had won this battle, this time.
“I don’t know about you, but I was thinking a shower and a good night’s sleep would be nice.” Graham said, pretending he hadn’t seen Riley wiping the tear away. In the last 24 hours, as much as his own life seemed to be looking up since Cordelia had walked up to the Explorer, Riley’s had been destroyed. Riley had tried to forget Buffy during the 6 months they’d been in Belize, but he’d failed.
Though they never spoken about her until recently, Graham knew her memory still haunted his friend. Buffy had been a very special person, one that wasn’t easily forgotten. There’d be moments in Belize, when a look would fall over Riley’s face, and Graham would lose him to the world of Buffy. A world where Riley’s blind love for Buffy was enough to sustain him. A world where happy times ruled and her touch burned his skin.
“Shower?” Cordelia’s ears perked up, as she sat fully upright in her seat.
“Yeah, and what about a steak dinner? Baked potato, mushrooms.” Graham smiled as he watched Riley’s tongue lick his bottom lip. Yes, he knew he had him with the promise of a warm shower and a steak dinner, if there was anything that Riley Finn was, it was predictable.
“I can do that. Cordy, hand me the map.” Riley said, sticking his hand between the seats for her to hand him the map. For a moment, the real Riley was back.
“So, are we looking for Motel 6 or Holiday Inn?” he asked as he unfolded the map.
“Holiday Inn.” Both Graham and Cordelia replied
“Or the equivalent.” Graham continued, nodding his head.
“Wait, I have no money.” Cordelia blurted out, remembering her current financial predicament.
“Our treat. Don’t worry. Three rooms, with queen-sized beds and all the hot water you can stand.” Riley replied, looking up at the rumpled beauty queen.
<><><><>
Almost 2 hours later Riley stood by himself in the center of his hotel room dropping his bag. He’d almost had to knock Graham on his ass to prove he’d be okay in a room on his own. Gray’s concern was to be understood, but at that moment Riley needed some space.
Looking at the queen-sized bed, he could almost hear it calling his name, but it was a warm shower that his body and nose craved. Washing the road off was the most important thing at that moment. How Cordelia managed to share the truck with him and Graham and their manly odor surprised him. With each passing minute in the confines of the truck, the two of them had become smellier and smellier.
They’d agreed to meet in the hotel lobby in two hours for dinner. The guy at the front desk had told them about this great place only 3 short blocks from the hotel. The food was great and the atmosphere was warm and friendly. Usually the place had bands playing from Thursday to Saturday, so they’d be in luck tonight.
Opening his black bag, he rooted around for clean clothes. First a shirt, then boxers.
“Where are those clean jeans, I know I have another pair in here some… there they are.” Riley grumbled as he dumped the contents onto the bed. Sorting through the stuff, he pulled out clean clothes for the morning and was preparing to the put the rest back into the bag, when his finger found a light blue button down shirt that *she’d* given him.
Riley held the shirt in his hands as he remembered the day she’d given it to him. Buffy had told him that she’d been shopping with Willow when she’d seen it, and it made her think of his beautiful blue eyes. That next morning when she’d joined him in the kitchen for breakfast, she was wrapped in it. How many times over the year that they had dated had she told him how handsome he’d looked in it? And how many other times had she worn it to breakfast?
Now, holding it in his hands, he rolled it up into a ball and threw it into the garbage can in the corner of the room. He could never wear the shirt again without thinking of her, and that was just too painful. Everything was too painful.
When am I gonna get over you
And stop living in the past?
When am I gonna get over you?
When my poor heart beats its last
Someday, I may love again but
you'll be with me even then
Quickly moving into the bathroom, he pulled his clothes off, leaving a trail to the shower. Reaching for the knobs, he turned the shower on, as he stepped out of his boxers and into the tub. Standing under the shower’s hot spray, he hoped the water would wash away her memory and the pain it left him in. Turning under the showerhead, the warm water coursed over his neck and shoulders, working out the knots in his upper body. Riley knew that since he’d fallen apart the other day, he’d gone out of his way to hold himself together, and if that meant holding himself in perfect attention, so be it. He could not afford to let himself go, cause if he did he doubted he’d ever stop.
And that’s when the first tear fell. A full minute later Riley sat huddled against the wall letting his grief overtake him. Unable to stop crying, he sobbed his heart out. He let go every single tear he’d held inside since he’d spoken the words out loud to Xander in his parents’ basement that day. He let go of every ounce of pain their relationship had cost him. Shaking uncontrollably, he pulled his knees up to his chest as Cordelia’s words repeated in his head and he pictured Buffy stepping off the scaffolding into the portal. The awful scene played over and over again in his head.
“Why? God, why!” he yelled, his voice echoing off the tiles.
“Hadn’t she given you enough already?” he asked, getting to his knees.
“Couldn’t you let her be happy? Once!” He yelled in anger.
When am I gonna get over you
And stop living in the past?
When am I gonna get over you?
When my poor heart beats its last
You told me on the day that you left me…
“Couldn’t you let us be happy?” He said, settling back on his heels as the now cold water hit his face. How long he sat like that shivering, he wasn’t sure, but slowly he pulled himself to his feet and stepped out of the tub. He was just reaching for a towel when he heard the pounding on the door.
“RILEY!” He could make out Graham’s voice over the pounding.
“Coming!” Riley called, wrapping the towel around his waist. He pulled the door open to find a very distraught looking Graham standing on the other side.
“Riley! Where the hell have you been? You’ve had Cordelia all upset. She’s been trying to reach you for over an hour!” Graham snapped, pushing his way into Riley’s room.
“In the tub. I feel asleep.” He lied, hoping Graham couldn’t see that he wasn’t telling the truth.
“Asleep?” Graham asked, eyeing him, trying to figure out if he was being honest or not.
“Yeah, I got relaxed and I dozed off. Tell her I’m sorry for upsetting the two of you.” Riley almost smiled at the look of worry on Gray’s face. The man was horrible at admitting his true feelings, so hiding behind Cordy’s concern was typical.
“I wasn’t concerned… okay I was.” Graham admitted, buckling under Riley’s gaze.
“I’m fine, really. I’m just exhausted.” Riley said, moving to the bed to reach for his boxers.
“Grief can do that to you.” Graham ventured slowly.
“I thought I was the psych major?” Riley said, dropping his towel and pulling on his boxers.
“You are. Rye, we’re just worried about you, that’s all.” Graham told him as he sat down in one of the chairs by the window.
“I know you are, but Gray, there’s nothing either of you can do for me. Believe me, I wish there were.” Riley sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed to face Graham.
“For the last day I’ve been trying to convince myself that Cordelia’s wrong and that Buffy’s back in Sunnydale, waiting for me.”
“I wish that were the case.” Graham said, looking Riley in the eye.
“So do I, but its not. Holding on to false hope…. I need to face reality.” Riley whispered, holding the shirt he’d planned to wear that night in a death grip.
“I’m sorry. I always liked Buffy, you know that, right?” The respect and sincerity that Riley heard behind Graham’s words almost made him want to cry again.
“Thanks, Gray.” Riley whispered again.
“Look, you get dressed, and I’ll go tell Cordy you’re okay.” Graham said, getting up off the chair and heading toward the door.
“And I’ll tell her that story about you falling asleep in the tub, if that’s the story you’re plannin’ on sticking to.” Graham ribbed as he opened the door.
“You’re an ass.” Riley laughed in spite of himself.
“You can’t hide anything from me, remember that.” Graham replied as he closed the door behind him.
<><><><>
Cordelia dialed the number by heart, waiting for the local operator to answer. She hated having to make long distant collect calls, but she hadn’t had much of a choice ever since Herb the producer had taken off with the box office intake from their last show, without a cent for the cast to split. Nope, she was more broke than she’d ever been in her life. When she’d finally run out of money, and her car died, she’d been beside herself. Sitting in that gas station parking lot, she tried to figure out how she’d ever be able face Angel and Wesley again. They’d warned her about Herb, but she’d refused to believe them. She was after all, Cordelia Chase and she was never wrong… well maybe this time she’d been wrong.
“Yes, a collect call to Sunnydale… Angel. Cordelia Chase.”
“Cordy?” She heard Angel’s voice as soon as he’d told the operator that he’d accept the charges.
“Hi, Angel.” She smiled hearing his familiar deep voice. How she wished she could wrap herself in it, taking away the guilt she felt about poor Riley.
“Sweetheart, are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine, Graham and Riley are taking good care of me. This is the nicest hotel I’ve slept in since I left LA.” She laughed, recalling some of the “finer” establishments Herb had booked then into.
“I hope you’re not sharing a room with…”
“Relax, Angel, they’ve both been perfect gentlemen. Actually, I’m not even sure Riley’s aware that Graham and I are with him half the time. He’s….” but she trailed off, unable to find the proper words to explain to Angel about his rival’s grief, without trivializing Angel’s.
“He’s that bad?” Angel asked, glad that Finn knew what it felt like to lose Buffy.
“Angel, it’s not funny. The poor guy’s a mess. He’s barely spoken to either of us since I spilled the news to him. I didn’t know…”
“Cordy, no one blames you, so stop blaming yourself.” Angel wished he could hug her to him and shield her from her self-doubts.
“I do. If I’d just kept my big mouth shut, but Graham agrees with you, too.” She sighed.
“Graham?”
“Riley’s friend. He’s a great guy, you’d like him.” She quickly omitted the part about liking Graham herself.
“I highly doubt that, he’s a friend of Finn’s after all.”
“You loved Buffy, and she loved him.” Cordelia reminded him.
“I’m trying to forget that part.” Angel almost snorted at his assistance’s ability to put everything into black and white for him.
“Well, you better get use to that.”
“So, what have you told him?”
“Nothing, other than what I already have.” She said, absently playing with the phone cord.
“Well, don’t till you get back. Let Willow and Dawn.” Angel volunteered. He knew Finn would have a hard time buying this, since he’d left the way he had. The poor guy would never know what would have happened if he’d looked down and seen her that night.
“I have no plans to. So, how are Wes and Gunn? Fred? I miss you all. I hope you realize that. But one thing I don’t want is to hear a single ‘It told you so’ from any of you.” She demanded good-naturedly.
“We’re all fine, and I promise if I have to cut our collective tongues off, nothing will be said.” He smiled into the receiver, grateful to hear the famous Cordelia Chase smile in her voice.
“I pity him, Cordy.” Angel said, drifting away again from the comfortable conversation of their own lives to Riley.
“He doesn’t want your pity, Angel. He doesn’t want anybody’s.” Cordelia said quickly. After spending a couple of days in Riley’s company, she knew he was a very proud man, and seeing pity in someone else’s eyes would be hard for him to stomach.
“But loving Buffy Summers is never easy Cordy, I of all people should know that. Losing her, is by far the most painful thing I’ve ever had to endure.” Angel said quietly.
“I’m sorry, Angel, I forgot.” Cordelia replied quickly.
“No need to apologize, Cordy, I was just stating a fact. So, when will you be back?”
“A day or so, according to Graham.”
“So, we’ll see you in Sunnydale then?”
“I’ll come straight home, Dad.” She teased.
“Good.”
“Bye, Angel.
“Safe trip, Cordelia.” And before he’d finished saying her name the line went dead, leaving him to whisper the words to thin air.
The story continues in "One More Day With You"
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