I Will Survive
Chapter Five of Music of the Heart
DISCLAIMER: We own nothing with the possible exception of our original story idea. “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel” and all of the collective characters belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, Lazy Dave Productions, et al.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Season 5, up to and including “The Gift.” From there, it spins off into our own alternative universe.
SUMMARY: An A/U fic in which Buffy is dead and some unexpected people arrive in Sunnydale to help out the Scooby Gang. This chapter introduces Faith into our story.
DISTRIBUTION: THC & Beau. Anyone else, ask and it shall be given.
AUTHORS’ NOTE: We own no rights to the song, “I Will Survive.” It belongs to the group, Wild Horses, and we merely borrowed the lyrics for this chapter.
Faith stood on the Summers’ front porch, waiting for someone to answer the door she’d just knocked on. It was odd, being back here in Sunnydale, the site of so many of her less than stellar moments. Even more odd was the fact that Buffy was dead.
The brunette had always viewed her ‘sister Slayer’ as somewhat invincible and never in a million years dreamed that she would die. Sure, she knew better than anyone that a slayer had a limited life span, but Buffy had never been your average Slayer. She had always had such a terrific support system in the form of a loving caring family, a wonderful Watcher, and of course, the Scooby Gang. Oh, and let’s not forget the scrumptious boyfriends. All things that Faith had never had.
Time marches ever steadily forward, though, and seasons change as well as circumstances. One by one, Buffy had begun to lose her touchstones. Angel had moved to Los Angeles, no longer able to be near his beloved golden girl without being able to have a real relationship with her. A new boyfriend, in the form of hunky military man Riley Finn, had taken the ensouled vampire’s place, but after awhile; he too had left the blonde Slayer.
Joyce Summers had died, suddenly, and quite unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm. Her death had been a huge blow to Buffy and one to which Faith couldn’t relate. The brunette didn’t even know if her own mother was still alive these days, nor did she really much care. She knew that Joyce and Buffy had had a very close and loving relationship, though.
In the end, Buffy had given her own life to save that of her little sister. She had made the ultimate sacrifice so that someone she loved could go on living. It was one of those tragic, yet heroic things that you read about in books. Faith admired the blonde for what she had done. She didn’t know, given the same circumstances, if she could be so noble and unselfish.
Buffy had been a much better person than Faith. At least in the eyes of everyone in Sunnydale. However, she was gone now. Dead and buried. And Faith was *the* Slayer. The one girl in all the world with the strength and skills to hunt the vampires. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Buffy’s death had not precipitated the calling of another girl. Due to the fluke that was set in motion the first time the blonde had died, there would be no new Slayer unless something happened to Faith. And that was something that the brunette refused to think about. She had already come close to dying once before, and it wasn’t anything she wanted to repeat any time soon.
She remembered when Angel had come to visit her in prison and had broken the news to her. She had sat there, too stunned to speak. Before she even had a chance to fully recover from her shock, the vampire dropped another bombshell on her. Due to the fact that she was now needed in Sunnydale, coupled with her exceedingly good behavior, he had managed to get her out of the rest of her jail sentence. She was going to be a free woman once more.
So, now, here she was, standing on the porch of the house where her nemesis had once lived. And wishing like hell that someone would hurry up and open the door. It was dark out. Standing on a porch in Sunnydale after the sun went down was like extending an open invitation to the creatures of the night. Faith was, of course, armed with a couple of stakes, but she still felt vulnerable just standing there.
The front door finally swung open. Angel smiled at her and ushered her inside.
“You made it,” the vampire replied. “How was your trip?”
“A bus ride is a bus ride, ya know? Nothin’ much to tell.” Faith answered as she glanced around the front room.
“Well, I’m glad you’re finally here. It will be nice having someone to watch my back on patrol.”
Due to some legal paperwork that had to be signed, Faith had stayed behind in LA while Angel had journeyed on ahead to Sunnydale.
“I was actually on my way out for a bit,” Angel informed her. “Willow, Tara, and Dawn are all here. Why don’t you go say ‘hello’ to them? I’ll be back in a little while, then we can patrol.”
“Sure,” Faith replied. What she really wanted to do was to beg Angel to take her with him, wherever he was going. The thought of facing people that she had hurt in the past was almost more than she could take at the moment. Face them she must though, if she was going to take up permanent residence in Sunnydale as the reigning Slayer, so she figured she might as well get it over with.
“They are all in the living room,” Angel said.
“Huh?” She asked, a bit startled.
“The girls, they are all in the living room.”
“Oh, yeah, okay.”
He looked at her with concern. “Is everything okay, Faith?”
“Yes and no,” she said. “It’s just a bit weird, ya know? Being back here and all.”
He placed a hand on her upper right arm and gently squeezed. “It’s all going to work out, you’ll see,” he reassured her. “You aren’t the same person you once were.”
“Yeah, well, you know that and I know that, but I figure I’m gonna have a hell of a time provin’ it to everyone else.”
Angel smiled. “You can do this, Faith. I believe in you.”
She nodded. “You’d better go run your errand. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine hangin’ here till ya get back.”
“I won’t be long,” he promised as he headed out the door.
Faith took a deep breath before heading in the direction of the living room. “Anybody home?” She called out.
“We’re in here,” a voice replied. Faith recognized it as Willow’s.
She got to the doorway of the living room and stopped to survey the scene. Willow, Dawn, and a blonde woman were all seated on the couch. Dawn was sitting in the middle and Willow had an arm wrapped around her shoulders. The blonde was holding one of the young girl’s hands. It looked like they had been comforting her.
“Angel let me in,” Faith said. “I hope that’s okay.”
Willow got up from the couch and approached her. “Oh, sure, it’s fine. We were expecting you.”
“Hi, Dawn,” Faith called out to the petite brunette.
“Hi,” Dawn replied rather sullenly.
“And you must be Tara,” Faith said.
The blonde rose to her feet and came over, hand extended in greeting. “Hello.”
“We met once before,” Faith replied. “Only, I wasn’t exactly myself at the time. I’m sorry for the rude things I said to you back then. You must have thought I was like Queen Bitch, or something.”
“It’s okay,” Tara said softly. “You were going through a bad time.” She stood next to Willow and reached for one of the red head’s hands.
Faith smiled, touched by the blonde’s kindness.
“Well, let me take you upstairs and show you where you can put your stuff,” Willow said, gesturing at the duffel bag hanging from one of Faith’s shoulders.
Dawn finally got up from the couch and walked over. “I don’t want her staying in Buffy’s room!”
The red head turned to face the teenager. “Dawnie, we talked about this, remember? Faith is going to be our guest for a few days, and there isn’t anywhere else for her to sleep here except Buffy’s old room.”
“I don’t want her here at all!” Dawn practically screamed. “She’s mean and she kills people and she did horrible stuff to Buffy! I can’t believe you’re going to let her stay here!”
“It’s cool,” Faith replied, trying not to let the hurt show on her face. “As soon as Angel gets back, I’ll ask him to front me some money for a motel room.”
I've done a lot of things
That I'm not to proud of
Took a lot turns
That turned out wrong
That's a worn out song
Day by day
Moment by moment
Taken my chances
Trustin' my heart
It wasn't to smart
Lonely
And as lost as I could be
Knowing it's up to me
“No,” Tara quietly replied. “This was all decided before you got here. You’re going to stay with us, and we’re glad to have you.”
“I don’t wanna be any trouble. I could just sleep down here on the couch.”
“That’s where Angel sleeps,” Dawn curtly answered.
“Oh, well, maybe if ya got a sleepin’ bag, I could put it on the floor down here.”
“Stop it, okay?” Willow interjected. “Faith, you will sleep in Buffy’s old room. We made the bed up for you and everything.” Turning to Dawn, she added, “I think you owe Faith an apology.”
Dawn crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. “No.”
“What did you just say?” Willow asked.
“I said no. I won’t apologize because I didn’t say anything that isn’t true. This is *my* house, but everyone seems to forget that. I guess because I’m not eighteen, I don’t have any rights, or a say in anything.”
“Dawnie, you know that isn’t true,” Tara replied, trying to be the mediator.
“You can’t make me apologize. Neither one of you is my mother, or even my sister. If you want to let her stay here, fine, but I’m going to Michelle’s.” She turned on her heel and stormed up the stairs before either Willow or Tara could stop her.
“I seem to make trouble wherever I go,” Faith said quietly.
Letting go of my bad habits
Hanging onto hope for better times
I'll be fine
Learning to sleep in the bed that I've made
Laying the blame, where it belonged
I've gotta be strong
“Give her time,” Willow replied. “She’s had it kind of rough, you know?”
“Yeah, losing her mom, then her big sis can’t have been easy.”
Tara reached for one of Faith’s hands and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Follow me. I’ll show you where to put your stuff.”
Faith nodded, once again grateful for the blonde and her non-judgmental attitude. She trailed behind her up the stairs to the room formerly occupied by Buffy.
“The sheets are clean,” Tara said. “The bathroom is next door to you.”
“Thanks,” Faith answered. “If you don’t mind, I’m just gonna unpack.”
“Sure, that’s fine. Willow and I will be downstairs if you need anything.” She backed out of the room and closed the door, giving Faith some privacy.
The brunette sat down on the edge of the bed. She leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. Tears began rolling down her face.
Tear drops
No one sees but me
I won't stop
Cause I'll always be me
I will survive
I will endure
When the going rough you can be sure
I'll tough it out
I won't give in
It' I'm knocked down I'll get up again
As long as I'm alive
I will survive
Suddenly, there was a knock on the bedroom door.
“Yeah?” She called out as she sat up and wiped her face with the back of one hand. “Who is it?”
“Faith, its Angel. May I come in?”
“If you’re ready to go patrollin’, I’ll meet ya downstairs in a few, okay?”
“I’d really like to come in,” he replied from the other side of the door.
She sighed as she got up off of the bed. Angel was just about as stubborn as they came, and she knew he wasn’t going to go away until she let him in. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.
“Come in,” she said, keeping her face averted from his gaze.
“I thought I heard you crying, Faith.”
“Well, ya must be hearin’ things,” she lied.
“No, I know what I heard. It was crying and it was coming from this room. Don’t lie to me, Faith, okay? We’re supposed to be past all of that. Now, what’s wrong?”
She walked over to one of the windows and stood with her back to him. Tears were forming in her eyes again and she struggled in vain to keep them from escaping. “It’s nothin’.”
I will survive
I will endure
When the goings rough you can be sure
I'll tough it out, I won't give in
If I'm knocked down I'll get up again
As long as my dreams alive
I will survive
Angel crossed over until he was standing behind her. He wrapped his arms around her slender waist and pulled her back against him. Resting his head on her chin, he said softly, “It’s Dawn, isn’t it?”
“How’d you know?”
“Just a lucky guess. She wasn’t too receptive to the idea of you staying here when we discussed it a couple of days ago. I’m sorry.”
She began to cry in earnest, her shoulders shaking from her sobs. Angel turned her around until she was facing him and he pulled her against his chest. She buried her face in his shirt. He stood there, holding her, and rubbing her back.
Finally, the tears stopped coming, and she looked up at him. “It’s never gonna be over, is it, Angel? I mean, I’m always gonna be payin’ for what I did, even though I served my time.”
“As you told me once, Faith, the path to redemption is a rocky road. It’s not an easy path to follow, or to stay on. And yes, no matter how much you’ve changed, there will probably always be those who refuse to see what you’ve become.”
“It’s not fair,” she said softly. “I paid for my crimes by servin’ my time.”
“I know, sweetheart, but that isn’t all there is to redemption. Like I told you downstairs earlier, I know you’ve changed and you know it, but you just have to give everyone else some time, especially Dawn.”
She rested her head against his chest once more, and for a few minutes, she simply enjoyed the comfort he was offering. At times, she didn’t know what she’d do without Angel. He was the one person who had been there for her during her time in prison. He had never failed to show up to see her on visitor’s day and he’d never arrived empty handed. He had always brought her some little something or another. Angel had also been the one who had encouraged her to make good use of her time in jail by studying for her GED.
He was the first person in a very long time that she’d found herself actually caring about. In time, she had realized that she loved him, but not in a romantic way. Faith loved Angel, but only as a friend. He was like the big brother she had never had.
Looking up at him, she asked, “How about we go find some demon ass to kick?”
Angel gave her one of his half-smiles. “I’m up for it.”
She smiled back at him. “Give me a few minutes to wash my face?”
He nodded as he released her. “I’ll wait for you downstairs.”
“Angel?”
He was standing in the doorway and turned to look at her.
“Thanks,” she replied simply. There was no need to say anything more, for she knew he understood.
“You’re welcome,” he answered, and then he was gone.
A few minutes later, Faith headed downstairs to find him. She heard voices coming from the dining room and headed that way.
“So, they’ll be here in a couple of days?” Angel asked.
“As far as I know,” Willow replied. “Cordelia said they were somewhere in Kansas.”
“I’d give them three more days, then.”
Faith entered the room. “I couldn’t help but overhearing. You expectin’ more company?”
Willow looked up at her. “Yes. Cordelia was heading back to California after doing some summer stock. She got stranded in the middle of nowhere and was rescued by Riley and his friend, Graham.”
Faith felt her heart leap in her chest and her mouth went dry. She swallowed hard before speaking. “Riley’s coming here? But just to drop Cordelia off, right?”
Angel wasn’t oblivious to the sudden rise in color in Faith’s cheeks. He wisely chose not to comment on it, though. It was something they could discuss later while patrolling.
“No, actually, we’re hoping he’ll decide to stay,” Willow replied. “Buffy wanted him to be Dawn’s legal guardian. We’ve been trying to find him since she died. We weren’t having much success, and then, lo and behold, Cordy runs into him on the road.”
“Does he know that B is dead?”
“He didn’t know, but Cordelia told him.” Angel answered. “She felt real bad about it, too, because he took the news really hard.”
“Poor Riley,” Faith said. She remembered how she had felt when Angel had given her the news of Buffy’s death. She could only imagine what someone who had once been in love with the blonde must have felt upon hearing the tragic news.
Angel pushed his chair back and got up from the table. “You ready to go?”
Faith nodded. “Yeah, let’s go make Sunnydale a safer place.” At least the adrenaline rush she usually got from fighting would give her an excuse for why her heart was racing.
An hour later, after having killed three vampires, the pair stopped in order to give Faith a chance to rest for a minute.
She was breathing a bit heavily from her recent exertions.
“Man, I seriously gotta get my sorry ass back into shape! I really let myself get soft in jail.”
“There’s a nice training room over at the Magic Box,” Angel replied. “I’m sure that Anya wouldn’t mind if you worked out over there.”
“Anya?” Faith asked.
“Oh, that’s right, you probably don’t know her. She’s Xander’s girlfriend. Used to be a vengeance demon, but lost her powers. Giles left her in charge of the magic shop when he went to England.”
“Okay, thanks for filling in the blanks. So, is Xander in love with her?”
“I think so,” Angel said. “They seem really happy when I see them together.”
“Well, good for them,” Faith replied. “It’s nice to have someone to love.”
“Is there someone that you’re in love with, Faith?”
She laughed. “Yeah, I had some guy writin’ me letters while I was in the joint. We’re gonna get married.”
“I didn’t ask the question in jest,” he informed her. “I saw your reaction back at the house when you found out that Riley was coming here. You have feelings for him, don’t you?”
“What? Now you’re talkin’ crazy. I don’t even know the guy.”
“You slept with him,” Angel replied tersely.
“Yeah, one time, when I was crazed and was in B’s body. Don’t get me wrong, Riley’s a real Viking in the sack, but I ain’t in love with the guy. I mean, how could I be?”
Angel approached her and placed one finger under her chin, tilting her head up so that he could look into her eyes. “I know you, Faith. You seem to keep forgetting that fact. I saw your reaction back at the house. Maybe you aren’t in love with Riley, but it’s clear to me that you have feelings for him.”
“Yeah, okay, maybe so. But, so what? It’s not like he’d give a girl like me the time of day.” She tried to look away, but Angel kept his finger under her chin.
“Be careful, Faith.”
“Of what?”
“Of getting involved with Riley. From what Cordelia says, he’s taking the news of Buffy’s death really hard. He doesn’t need any romantic entanglements right now, and neither do you. You’re still getting your life back on track.”
“I told ya, Angel, a guy like Riley ain’t gonna have the slightest interest in me.”
He leaned down a bit and kissed her forehead. “Don’t underestimate yourself, Faith.”
She shook her head. “No one sees me the way you do, Angel. I love you.”
“I love you too, Faith. How we go get something to eat, my treat?”
“Now you’re talkin’!” She looped her arm through his as they made their way out of the graveyard.
I will survive
I will endure
When the goings rough you can be sure
I'll tough it out
I won't give in
If I'm knocked down I'll get up again
As long as my dreams alive
I will survive
I will survive
I will survive
I will survive
To Be Continued
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