DISCLAIMER: All BtVS characters belong to the wonderfully talented mind of Joss Whedon. However I do own Riley's daughters and Sam the nanny.
COUPLING: Buffy/Riley
SUMMARY: A/U - Riley has left Buffy, and this is 10 years into the future.
FEEDBACK: Pretty pretty please! I really hate to beg, but will .
SPOILERS: All of Season 5, and my own little universe.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you to Anne-Marie who has been proofing this for me, I appreciate it. Also thank you everyone who has kindly sent me their feedback, it makes my day.
Riley sat opposite the Boston Light Lighthouse watching the December waters crash against the little island's coastline. Since moving to Boston 6 years ago with a pregnant Claire and 2 year old Jordan this had become his favourite place to sit and think. After the births of both Hope and Tristan he had sat here dreaming of their futures. When they'd first opened up the company he would sit here obsessing over whether or not they would succeed. After a trying mission he'd find himself sitting on a bench replaying it in his head. And it was here, two years ago, on a bitterly cold day in January that Graham found him. Somehow he'd managed to find his way here after he'd had them pull Claire's life support plug. He'd been frozen and incoherent in his grief.
Now, as the last rays of daylight were slipping from the sky his thoughts drifted to another woman, and his son. He'd been totally out of line in the way he'd spoken to Buffy. My God, Evan was her son too. Reaching up he wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. . Having only met his son a few hours ago, Riley knew that Evan already owned a part of his heart. The minute his eyes fell on the blonde haired boy his heart seemed to sing, he'd fallen in love with him, just as he had, when he'd held each of his daughters for the first time. It never failed to amaze him, how he could fall in love with his children at first sight. Riley's emotions were in such turmoil, for as happy as he was at meeting his son, he was devastated at the thought of losing him so soon. His son was dying, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. How could his heart take another loss like this?
"Haven't I lost enough in my life God!" He yelled up at the roof of the Landrover. Why did it always seem that God was out to get him? He'd tried to continue to find comfort in the religion he'd grown up with, and believe in God, but the worse things got, the harder it became to believe in him.
"I've done everything you've ever asked of me. I've been a good Catholic. I’ve fought your battles here on earth. My girls have been raised in the Catholic Church just like I promised. Why are you doing this to me!"
Gripping the steering wheel with both hands he shook it with anger. Who had he pissed off in his life, that he'd deserved this pain?
"Is it you Forrest? Are you sitting up there laughing at my pain? Or maybe it’s you Maggie? Was I that big a disappointment to you?"
There was only one other person it could have been and he was terrified that she could do something like this to him. She'd been his life until she'd died two years ago. He'd always known that she knew about Buffy. In the early days of their friendship he'd talk about her, and curse himself for leaving Buffy behind. Claire, ever the good friend, would listen and give him a shoulder to cry on, but somewhere along the way they had become a couple. Suddenly Buffy was a topic that was off limits between them and so he kept his pain to himself.
" Is it you Claire? Are you angry because of Buffy? If that's the case then why punish my son! Punish me!!!" He was in agony as he screamed.
"WHY!!"
As his tears over took him again he rested his head against the steering wheel. Praying to God for a miracle, an answer, anything to spare his son the pain. He wasn't sure how long he'd sat like that until he heard someone knocking on the passenger side window. Looking up he saw Graham standing there. Riley hit the lock switch and heard the Landrover unlock its doors. Graham opened up the passenger door and climbed in next to him. They sat in silence for a while, just staring out at the lighthouse before Riley finally broke the silence.
"Are you just going to sit there, or are you going to say something."
"Nope. Thought I'd let you do that," Graham responded not taking his eyes off the lighthouse across the harbour.
"You're an ass, you know that?"
"Yup. Is that all you have to say?" Graham asked, still not looking at Riley.
"Well. What are you doing here!"
"Thought you might like to talk. Make sure that you were okay. Buffy was worried."
"Hell after what I accused her of, I'm surprised she'd be concerned about my welfare at all."
"She is Riley. She loves you, can't you see that?"
"Why? I've only ever hurt her."
"Funny. She says the same thing about you. She understands that you're hurting right now. It's not easy to accept everything that's happened to you in the last couple of days. Damn, I'd have gone a lot further than Boston Harbour if I'd been in your shoes."
"No you wouldn't," Riley smirked, knowing that Graham would never have gotten himself into the mess that Riley currently had himself in.
"Buffy's worried about you. Let me call her and tell her your safe. Okay?"
Riley just shrugged his shoulders and looked out the driver's side window, trying not to listen to Graham's conversation.
"Hey Willow. Yeah I found him… Yeah he's safe… Tell her he didn't do anything stupid… Don't let her go to the hotel, she needs to talk to Riley."
Riley heard Graham mention Buffy's moving to a hotel and grabbed the phone from Graham.
"Willow. What's this about moving to a hotel?"
"She said it might be easier on you and the kids if we stayed at the Hilton like we originally planned."
"No! Put her on the phone please."
Riley waited for Willow to tell Buffy that he wanted to speak with her. Over the covered receiver she could hear them arguing and finally Buffy's voice.
"Are you okay Riley?"
"I’m fine. Just sorry for the things I said to you. I know you would never do this to hurt me, but I had to strike out at someone. And once again I ran out on you. I couldn't think in there, it felt like the walls were closing in on me so I drove around for awhile before I found myself down here at the Harbour. For the last hour I've been sitting here cursing God, Forrest, Maggie, even Claire. "
"It's okay. You should come home."
"I will if you stay. We need to talk this through, make some decisions about Evan's future."
"Okay, we'll stay," she told him, happy inside that he'd asked them to stay.
"Buff, does he know?" Riley traced the steering wheel with his finger as he waited for the answer.
"He knows. Dr. Fields and I told him together."
Riley sat in silence for a moment, thinking about his little boy. He should have been there the day they'd told Evan he was dying. Hell, he should have been a part of his son's life all along! How could he look Evan in the face again without falling apart?
<Shit! How do I tell the girls? >
Graham watched Riley's face change and the tears start again. Riley dropped the phone and Graham reached for it.
"Buffy. I think we may still be a while. I can't bring him home this way, it'll upset the girls."
"Oh yeah," she sighed, once again forgetting about his daughters in this whole equation. Buffy's little world only included her, Riley and Evan. She kept forgetting to include Jordan, Hope and Tristan. The girls had just lost their mother, and here she was introducing them to their dying brother. All she'd been concerned about was getting them tested for a marrow match. Now she had to think how this would affect them.
"I'm going to take him for a drink. We'll be home around 7:00 or so. Can you and Willow handle the girls? Maybe order a pizza or something? Tristan should be coming home in the next little while but don't worry she won't make strange. She's a great kid."
"Not a problem. Take care of him for me, Graham."
"I always do, Buffy."
"Thanks man," Riley said, as he saw Graham end the call and place the phone back in his coat pocket.
"It was just a call," Graham said, shrugging his shoulders.
"No. I meant, thanks for being here for me. It always seems to be you picking up the pieces. It must be a pain in the ass being my best friend."
"Yeah it is a pain in the ass being your friend, but not for the reasons you think," Graham joked.
"Ha!"
"Look Riley, you've been there for me, when no one else was. I thank God every day that you came back into my life. You and those girls are the only family I have, and I will do anything in this world for you and for them. Do you understand me?"
Riley simply nodded his head, afraid to speak. Graham was like a brother to him, and hearing him say how he felt about him and the girls out loud brought tears to his eyes again.
"God, you are a big cry baby," Graham cracked
"You should talk," Riley smiled, watching Graham wipe away his own tears.
________________________________________________________________________
Buffy sat holding the phone long after Graham had hung up. She was worried about Riley and his daughters. How would they handle this? Once again Buffy Summers was being self-centred, only concerned about herself and the needs of her son. She ached for Riley as she re-lived their moments in the library, as the news sank in, as his anger exploded around the library. She wanted to protect and comfort him from the pain she'd already been dealing with. His whole life had changed again in two days thanks to Hurricane Buffy.
"Is he okay?" Willow asked, taking the phone out of Buffy's hand and putting it back in the cradle.
"Yeah, he just has a lot to deal with. I knew it would be difficult for him, but I didn't expect all this," Buffy said meekly.
"We didn't know, but if you had, would it have made any difference? We still need to find out if they’re a match for Evan," Willow could only imagine the pain Buffy and Riley were both in, but they had to keep in mind that Evan's days were numbered. They'd already struck out with the donor network so the Finns were his final shot at life.
"You're right, but I would have handled it different," she wailed.
"How?"
"I don't know? But I would have."
"Let's go back and watch a movie with the kids. I think they have "A Christmas Story", I know it's one of your favourites," Willow said, trying to tempt Buffy out of her dark mood.
"I think I need to cook. I think spaghetti may be in order," Buffy sniffed.
"Sounds like a good cure to me but I think I'll go watch the movie with the kids," Willow said, pulling Buffy to her feet.
"Have you found the kitchen yet?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah, and wait till you see it! It's a gourmet's dream! You should have fun in there. Come on I'll show you the way."
________________________________________________________________________
Buffy had been in the kitchen pulling ingredient from the fridge when she heard the front door slam open and a little voice yell.
"Daddy! I'm home!"
Buffy stuck her head out around the corner of the kitchen doorway and saw the little head of blonde curls bent over struggling to pull her boots off. Buffy giggled a little as she watched the child’s frustration mount at the tight boot. Okay, granted she hadn't taken her mittens off but Buffy didn’t think that she had thought of that yet.
"Daddy!" The little girl yelled in frustration.
"Would you like some help, Tristan?" Buffy asked, stepping out into the hallway. As the little girl looked up Buffy's heart was gone. Here was the most beautiful angel she'd seen in her life. No wonder she was Graham's favourite.
"Who are you?" Tristan said, offering her booted foot to Buffy.
"My name's Buffy. I'm a friend of your daddy's," Buffy told her as she squatted next to the child to tug the offending zipper down and pull the boot off.
"That's a funny name," laughed the little girl.
"Yeah, it really is," Buffy smiled back at the little girl, as she took the second boot in her hand.
"What were you doing in our kitchen?" Tristan asked.
"You don't miss a thing do you? I was planning on cooking us some spaghetti for dinner. What do you think?"
<Please let this little girl like me. >
"You're pretty," Tristan said, now on her feet standing eye to eye with a squatting Buffy.
"Thank you."
"Are you an Angel?" Tristan asked, in awe.
"No, I'm just like you," Buffy smiled into the beautiful little face.
"Cool!" Tristan exclaimed finally pulling her mittens off.
"Could you help me?" She asked again, giving Buffy an innocent smile.
"Sure but only if you'll help me cook dinner?
"Like I help Mrs. Drake cook dinner? I get to sit on her counter and watch."
"Well, I think I'll need more help than that. I'll need someone to reach in the bottom cupboards and tell me where everything is. Can you do that?" Buffy asked, unzipping Tristan's jacket.
"Oh! I can do that. I'll be the best helper ever," she said excitedly, jumping up and down as Buffy pulled her jacket off.
"Well then to the kitchen my little helper!" Buffy said, with a flourish and a sweeping bow.