RATING: PG
COUPLING: Buffy/Riley
SUMMARY: A/U - Riley has left Buffy, and this is 10 years into the future.
DISCLAIMER: All BtVS characters belong to the wonderfully talented
mind of Joss Whedon. However I do own Riley's daughters and Sam the
nanny.
FEEDBACK: Pretty pretty please! I really hate to beg, but will .
SPOILERS: All of Season 5, and my own little universe.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Ladies and Gentlemen I would love you to give a warm round of applause to my wonderful Beta Reader Anne Marie who makes each one of these stories better. Thanks to all the other wonderful authors who make me want to write, Ace, Amy, Chelle, Ginger, Moe, Sam, Andra, Jesmin, and the list could go on and on!!! Thanks so much everyone who's given me feedback, it's so appreciated! Chris you’re the best!!
The adult members of the household were sitting around the kitchen table, finishing their wine and coffee and discussing their new plans for the holiday. Each seemed to have a glow on his or her face as they thought of the upcoming few weeks, after all, spending the holidays with someone you loved was what Christmas was all about!
"Mom and Giles, Dawn, Xander, Anya and Mason, Cordelia and Angel, and Wesley have all agreed to come. I haven’t been able to get hold of Spike yet, but I doubt that he’ll come. Lindsay says someone has to stay behind to oversee the office and the associates, so he and Darla won’t becoming," Buffy said to the others, consulting her notes.
"Is Lindsey okay with you staying away from the office so long?" Willow asked as she traced the veins on the inside of Graham’s wrist.
"He’ll have to be. I’m staying here with my son and his father and that’s all there is to it. I had a conversation with Jordan that made me sit up and think about the time I have left with him. She made me realise that these may be my last days with my son and I want his every wish to come true this Christmas."
What Buffy had failed to tell them when she gave them the good news, was Lindsey's reaction to Buffy and Evan’s new plans. He'd flatly refused to even consider flying to Boston to spend the holidays in Riley's company. His anger had been so raw on the phone that it frightened Buffy and she was very worried that her being with Riley could cost her one of her best friends. Apparently Hope wasn't the only one who was displeased at the thought of her and Riley together. Shaking her head, Buffy glanced up at Willow as the other woman asked her a question.
"What did she say?"
"Who?" Buffy asked distractedly
"Jordan!" Willow said, eyeing Buffy carefully for signs of senility.
"Oh! Sorry, Will. She just wanted to know what would happen if we didn’t find a donor for Evan but I’ve always believed that Evan would be okay, you know? Right from the start. I felt that," Buffy took a deep breath before going on. "I knew death could be the possible outcome and I tried to be as realistic about his chances as I could but I tried not to dwell on the fact that Evan might die. Then one day I developed this unshakeable belief that he’d survive. I guess I just couldn’t deal with the thought of his death. Giles asked me one day if I was prepared, if none of this worked and we lost him. To this day, I still cringe when I think about what I said to him."
Fresh tears welled up in Buffy’s eyes and she tried desperately not to cry again. It felt like that was all she’d done since she’d arrived here.
"So what changed it? What made you think about losing the fight?" Graham asked reaching out to hold her hand in his. As he asked this Graham looked up at Riley. He was holding Buffy close to him and Graham could see her pain reflected in his eyes. Graham wondered what he would do if it were his child dying and the only chance he had left at surviving was a test that had an uncertain outcome. Helplessness was not something Graham did very well and neither Buff nor Riley was good at it either.
"When Evan was first diagnosed we used to go to the hospital for his Chemo treatments and he made friends with this little girl named Katalin. Hope reminds me of her. Katalin died a couple of months ago and it just sort of rattled me. I didn’t want to think about it but every night I have this dream."
"Dream?" Riley asked cautiously, hoping it wasn’t one of those prophetic dreams she used to have as the Slayer.
"It was Evan’s funeral and it would terrify me to the point that I wouldn’t
let myself fall asleep. The doctor had to prescribe tranquillisers for me. It
was so real! So I would do whatever I could to avoid thinking of it," Buffy
told them, her brow wrinkling. "Coming here though, it’s been in my face
every time I turn around and today with Jordan’s question I realised that if
an 8 year old was prepared to ask these questions, why wasn’t I?"
"I’m sorry she upset you," Riley said softly, hugging her tightly and blinking back his own tears.
"She didn’t actually. She just made me think. You know she offered to come live with me if Evan died? She doesn’t want me to be alone, and she wants a mother. So she thought that would make the perfect solution to our problem!" Buffy had to smile a little as she thought of her conversation with Jordan. She was such a sweet little girl, so much like her father.
"That’s so sweet and yet so sad at the same time," Willow sniffed, swiping at her own tears.
"Not as sweet as Evan asking me to marry Buffy after he’s dead," Riley sighed, wondering if his two oldest children had conspired on this.
"Oh Riley! I’m so sorry that he put you into that position! That was completely unfair!" Buffy gasped, shocked by her son’s request. What had made Evan think that Riley would want to marry her once all this was over? Right now, they had each other and they were still in love but watching a child die could put a strain on any good relationship and theirs was still on unsteady ground.
"There’s no reason to be sorry, Buffy. He’s just concerned about what will happen to you after he’s gone. To be honest, I’ve been thinking about the same thing myself. What will happen if we do lose him? What will we do?" Riley said, as Buffy rested her head against his shoulder. Buffy just shrugged her shoulders sadly because she couldn’t answer his questions.
"You know, sitting here discussing the possibility of losing him will not get Christmas planned. With everyone coming, we’ll have to see if we can rent hotel rooms close by," Buffy said, looking to Willow for help in changing the subject.
"Yes and we’ll have to get Xander or Cordy to pick up all the gifts we’ve bought already and have them brought here," Willow said, taking Buffy’s cue.
" Once we know when everyone can fly out, we'll have Fred fly out to get them, and don’t worry about hotels, we have plenty of room. The pool house is empty so we can put Xander and Anya out there. It’s private and has plenty of room for three. Your mom and Giles can have Willow’s room, since Willow’s not using it," Riley said as he looked pointedly at the couple sitting across the table from him and smirked. "Sam's going home to England for the holidays, it’s my gift to her, so we can put Dawn in her room and Angel and Cordelia can have the old chauffeur's room over the garage. It connects to the kitchen by a tunnel so it’s vamp friendly."
Riley was looking remarkably pleased with himself as he counted off the newcomers on his fingers.
"So what are we going to do with your parents, two brothers and their families, Smart guy?" Buffy smirked up at him.
"And you forgot Wesley," Willow piped up.
"Okay let’s try this again. Willow and I will stay at the penthouse with Cordelia, Angel and Wesley. There’s no reason to freak your parents out having Angel under the same roof as them. Buffy don’t give me that look! You never know. He could slip into game face and it could cause a huge scene. I’m just trying to protect them from the truth is all," Graham said calmly. He didn’t know Angel and had no reason to make any other judgements about him.
"Riley’s Mom and Dad can have my room, your brother Kevin, Chris and the boys can have the servant’s rooms behind the kitchen. Xander and clan can still bunk down in the pool house and Dawn will be in Sam’s room. Who knows? If Marc plays his cards right, he could be bunking down with Dawn by the end of the holiday!"
Graham smirked as Buffy sputtered at the idea of her little sister bunking down with anyone, even Riley’s brother.
"I’m just joking Buff," Graham laughed.
"Okay, so we only have to find Marc a room and we’re set."
"How ‘bout the library?" Willow suggested.
"No way! He’ll be reading all my files. Do you have any more room at the penthouse?" Riley asked.
"I guess he can stay there, but he has to understand that I’m a one woman man these days. No more prowling the bars," Graham warned.
"He can take Wes," Willow offered, smiling at her boyfriend.
"Okay, deal. Now I just have to tell my parents about Evan," Riley
said.
"You still haven't told them? I thought you and Buffy were planning on calling them the other night?" Graham exclaimed, noticing how nervous Riley seemed about having to tell his parents. Although the Finns where a very Catholic family and that whole sex-before- marriage thing probably would have caused problems years ago, Buffy and Riley were adults now. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Graham knew, however, that Riley had a very close with his parents and he was afraid that this revelation might very well jeopardise it.
"No. We were going to call them, but after the scare with Willow, it sort of got forgotten about," Riley said, looking more like his 9 year old son than the grown man he was. Graham always marvelled at how parents could change confident adults into little kids. It was times like these Graham was glad he was an orphan!
"Sounds to me like you used that as an excuse not to call," Graham said truthfully, not mincing words with Riley. If there was one thing that their friendship was, it was honest. Neither man held anything back from the other and maybe that's why they had managed to run such a successful business. Sure there were days when the two didn't speaking, but those days were very few and even farther between.
"Riley?" Buffy asked, looking up at him in disbelief.
"Look, as much as I know my parent's are going to love you and Evan, I'm going to catch major shit on this one. First of all there's the not being responsible thing. They'll say I should have known about Evan blah, blah, blah. Second, they’re going to fry my ass over getting you pregnant when we were both so young and then leaving you. Finally, I’m going to be trouble for waiting until now to tell them."
"You didn't know," Buffy said, rubbing his arm.
"I know that and you know that, but parents…" Riley just shook his head and wondered how they were going to take the news.
"C’mon now, your parents are pretty cool, Rye. It'll just take them a few minutes to grasp the whole story. When they realise that you’re not the 23 year old you were back then, well, they'll calm down," Graham said, swirling his wine around in the wineglass.
"Ah yes, but can you imagine my mother, when she realises that her first grandchild has been kept from her? I might as well starting looking for a cemetery plot now," he sighed as he got up from the table to answer the buzzer for the front gate intercom system.
"Maybe that's them now. You know, ears burning and everything," Willow giggled.
"Better not be," Riley huffed, shooting Willow a sour look.
"Hello?"
"Will it be that bad for him, Gray?" Buffy asked quietly as she watched Riley on the phone.
"I don't know. When Claire was pregnant they were so excited at the prospect of his having children, but things were different by then..."
Feeling someone pinch him, Graham turned to look at Willow and he remembered that it was possible Riley hadn't told Buffy the whole truth about his and Claire's wedding. Graham shut up immediately. It wasn’t his place to tell Buffy that Claire had been pregnant before they got married and that it was the reason that there was a wedding at all. Riley had chosen not tell his parents about that, preferring to let them think that Jordan was a little premature.
"Special delivery for Willow Rosenberg," Riley said looking at Willow. "Your agent must really want you to look at this script."
"Well, he did sound a little anxious about me seeing it right away. That’s just typical Roger though. You'd think sometimes that I'm his only client!"
Riley left the room to answer the door and a few moments later returned with a long flower box in his hands.
"No script, just this," he said, handing Willow the box.
Looking at the box, Graham glanced at his watched and noticed it was after 8:00 p.m. What flower shopped delivered that late?
Willow took the card off the box assuming it was from Roger, a get well gesture, but as she pulled the card out and saw the note, she started to shake uncontrollably. Dropping the card as though it had bite her, her hands flew to her mouth and she turned frightened eyes to Graham.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Graham asked, his voice thick with concern. He bent to pick up the card that had fallen to the floor.
"Willow,
Glad to hear about your accident, I’m just sorry I didn't cause it.
Watch your back Red! I'm getting closer.
And remember, I warned you about what could happen if you left me.
X"
Ripping the lid off the box Graham saw a dozen dead roses lying in the tissue. Roaring, he threw the box against the wall.
< How could that bastard have found her here? >
Buffy watched both Willow and Graham's reactions and felt lost. The terrified looks on both their faces made her heart grow cold and seeing them two clinging to each other was too frightening for words.
"Who are they from?" She asked, afraid of the answer she might be given. Riley took the card from Graham's grip and read it before passing it to Buffy. Watching Riley's face quickly pale, she reached for the card and read the message. Seeing the threat written in black and white shocked her to the bone. She'd seen the other threats but this one seemed more real somehow, more determined. He'd tracked her down half way across the country, which meant he was more than serious.
"How did he know you were here?" Buffy suddenly asked.
"What?" Graham blinked pulling his face out of Willow's neck.
"I asked how did he know you were here Will?" Buffy looked at them all and then down at the dead roses strewn around the kitchen floor.
"I'm… I 'm not sure? The only people I told were Roger, Emeila my housekeeper and…" Willow shook so hard her teeth were chattering against each other. She was grateful that Graham was holding her so tight because she had a feeling that the floor would be rising to meet her if he wasn’t. She needed to tell them everything and that included whom she had talked to. She looked sideways at Graham before continuing,
"Russell. And of course the gang."
Willow glanced up at Graham's already upset face again. She was afraid that he would be angry with her, but all she saw was his fear of losing her. Snuggling closer to him for comfort, she felt his arms tighten around her.
"You told Russell where you were? Why?" Buffy asked curious as to her friend's logic.
"He called about the movie and told him I was in Boston, that's it. He didn't have the address or Riley's name, so please, don't even think it's him," she warned Buffy.
"Okay. So you've told no one else?" Riley asked, moving towards the phone.
"What are you doing?" Graham demanded as Riley reached for the phone but Riley waved him off as he dialled a number and waited for someone to pick up on the other end.
"King, it's Riley. Activate the full security plan for the house here. I want two cars on each of the gates, front and back. Nobody and I mean nobody gets in unless they’re on my list. Is that clear? I want this place secured lock, stock and barrel. If you need anything, call me."
With that Riley broke the connection. Dialling again, he waited for someone to answer.
"Bridget, is Tom home?" Riley asked as he heard the person on the other end of the phone say hello.
"Rye, good thinking. I think we need the police on this one," Graham said to Willow as he tried to calm her by rubbing her back.
"Tom. It's Riley. Look we need your department’s help and it needs to be done very quietly. I have a high profile friend staying with me and she’s just received a serious death threat. We need this dealt with immediately," Riley stopped talking for a minute and listened to the other man.
"It' Willow Rosenberg." Silence again.
"Yes the actress. We've just had a dozen dead roses delivered here with a death threat. I'm not sure, but the man that delivered the flowers could be part of this. It's the second threat made against her in days."
Willow's head bobbed up when she heard Riley give the police officer this information and she looked questioningly at him then at Buffy and Graham.
"What’s he talking about?" She asked. No one was forthcoming with an answer.
"Okay Tom, I'll see you in a bit," Riley hung up the phone and stalked out of the kitchen.
"Where's Riley gone, and what did he mean, the second attempt?" Willow asked again as her eyes darted wildly back and forth between her friends.
"He probably went to check and see if the system’s been activated and then to check on the kids. Anytime something like this happens he has to check on the kids. It calms him down."
"I'll go find him," Buffy said, fleeing the room in search of Riley. Could he have been right, could the stalker have been here tonight? The thought freaked her out. She found him in the den with the kids. Tristan was cuddled up on his lap and he was hugging her. What exactly had Graham meant when he said ‘anytime something like this happens’? Had someone threatened Riley’s family before? Buffy moved into the room and sat down on the couch next to Riley.
"Mom are you gonna watch this with us?" Evan asked, looking up at her from his place on the floor.
"For a bit honey. Dad and I thought that maybe we'd just hang out with you guys for awhile. Is that okay?" She smiled at her son and Jordan. The kids were so unaware of the darkness that existed in the world that she could understand Riley's need to be with them and to protect them if only for a little while.
"Sure. Is everything all right?"
"Sure, Ev. Graham and Willow just need to talk alone that's all," Riley said as he reached over and squeezed Buffy's hand. He hoped he was telling the truth.
__________________________________________________
In the kitchen Graham sat on the kitchen floor with Willow tucked safely into his arms as she cried her eyes out. The brash, sexy woman who'd pulled him into the tub with her this morning was gone and in her place remained a terrified little girl who needed his protection. What hadn't she told him about the previous threats? Was there a hint in this one that only she could pick up? He needed to tell her about her home being broken into but he was afraid it would push her over the edge right now. He knew she needed to know but every time he'd tried to bring it up, she'd cried harder and clung to him for dear life.
Riley's comment about the stalker possibly being the one who delivered the flowers scared him to death. What would have happened if Willow had been the one to open the door? Would he have just killed her instead of making his delivery? The thought sickened him as he rocked her, trying to calm her and as well as himself. It wouldn't do for her to see him fall apart and losing her would definitely do that to him.
"Willow, honey. Your safe here, I have you," he whispered over and over as he held her and wiped away her tears. Graham wasn't sure whom he was trying to convince with his words. He wondered if he could keep her safe. It scared him to think of how close that psycho had gotten to them tonight and Graham knew he couldn’t let his guard down until this creep was caught.
"No one’s safe," Willow said, looking up into his eyes. Graham shuddered at the look he saw there. It was pure terror and it sent a sent a shivers down his spine.
"No… Will, your safe here. Riley's activated the security system and nobody can get past this thing, not even an ant, without us knowing. I should know, I designed it," he assured her.
"You don't get it! He's going to kill me!" Willow shook her head and muttered, "All those years spent on the Hellmouth and some psycho human with an obsession is going to kill me. He warned me about trying to run away you know."
Graham had to strain to hear her words as she was whispering now.
"No one's going to hurt you! No one, I swear!" Graham said forcefully as he took her beautiful face between both his hands. He was so angry that someone would try to hurt his Willow that it was causing his chest to tighten and he could feel his own tears of anger prickling at the back of his eyes.
"He's… always… there. It’s like he's…like he's watching me."
Graham was glad when Willow buried her head back into his chest. He didn't know how much more of this he could take. This guy, this nut, had done what he'd wanted to do. Willow was terrified.
"Baby, as long as you're in my arms, there's nothing I won't do to protect you. Do you understand me? I will never, ever let anyone harm a hair on your head," Graham said, pulling her head back up so their foreheads rested against each other and they were eye to eye.
"You can't protect me all the time, Graham. You can’t be there every minute," she hiccuped.
"Try me," he answered and then smiled at her.
__________________________________________________________________
After the police had investigated the scene and took away the offending flowers and card, Buffy and Graham put a still shocked Willow to bed while Riley sat in the den studying the LAPD police file on Willow's stalker. He was glad that Sam had been home tonight to put the kids to bed for them because he was feeling as low was humanly possible right now and he didn’t feel like explaining it to the children. He'd been the one to let that maniac in and he was deeply upset by it. What would have happened if he'd pushed his way into the house? There was no way he could have protected Buffy, Willow and the kids. He would have been lying on the floor in a pool of blood as surely as they would have been. The sound of the phone pulled him from his maudlin thoughts and he moved to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Riley? I just got your message. What's happening there?" Xander almost yelled down the phone line, startling Riley.
"Xander. Thanks for getting back to me so quick. Things are not of the good here."
"Are Willow and Buffy okay? How's Evan?" Xander asked quickly.
"They’re all fine. A little shaken up, but fine."
"What are you talking about? Hold on a minute will ya, Riley? Angel, he hasn't told me yet!"
The impatience and irritation in Xander’s voice was clear through the telephone connection as he spoke to the souled vampire who was in the room with him and hovering over his shoulder as he spoke to Riley.
"Xander, the stalker knows Willow's here," Riley said slowly so the other man could hear him.
"The stalker knows where she is?" Xander asked in disbelief and then sighed in annoyance. "Hold on a minute Riley. Do you mind if we put you on hands free? Angel and Wesley want to hear this too."
"Yeah sure, it would make sharing information easier," Riley said. He wasn’t entirely sure he was comfortable with the idea but he realised it was in Willow's best interests to have her friends know what was going on. Riley heard the line click and knew that the call had been converted to hands free.
"Hello Riley," said a voice he hadn't heard in over 10 years. Surprisingly he felt no anger towards this man anymore and even though he knew Angel would always hold a place in both Buffy's and Evan's hearts he no longer felt the jealousy that had once nearly torn him apart.
"Hey Angel. It’s nice to talk to you again. I hear that your agency is doing well," Riley said easily.
"So you've heard?" Angel asked, startled that Riley was aware of his
firm’s success.
"My contacts tell me you're doing good things out there. Congratulations," Riley said to answer Angel’s question.
"We're doing okay, but we aren’t even in the same league as your company," Angel said modestly. "We’re still a mom-and-pop operation compared to you."
"Different client base, that's all."
"Hey! Can we get back to the Willow thing?" Xander snapped, obviously worried about his best friend and tired of the small talk.
"Tonight we had a package delivered here for Willow," Riley began, "I opened the door and was handed a rose box and card. The funny thing about this is the time, it was past 8:00 p.m. Pretty late for a flower delivery, I'd say."
"I'm with you on that," Angel agreed.
"Anyway, Willow opens the card and it's from her friendly stalker. Seems he knows she's staying here at my place. Said he was glad to hear about her accident, just sorry he didn't cause it and that he was getting closer."
"He's a sick bastard," Angel hissed, wishing he could protect his friend.
"That' not all. The flowers? A dozen dead roses. Our boy had time to plan this," Riley said, voicing his thoughts aloud for the first time.
"Who ever this is knew she was coming here with Buffy. It has to be someone who knows her schedule or at least has access to it."
"Well between her personal trainer, assistant, agent, his assistant, the studio execs on the Casablanca deal, her house keeper, cook and pool boy, it could be any number of people," Xander sighed.
"So what your telling me Xander, is that half of Hollywood knew where she was heading?" Riley asked, irritated that half of LA knew her whereabouts.
"Just about," Wesley sighed, making his presence known for the first time.
"Great!"
"Look, Riley she's a very public person. Certain people feel they own her. She's a business! I'm not saying I agree with it, but she is. People depend on her, so she had to make excuses. She had to cancel a Leno appearance this week," Xander explained.
"So what we need to know find out is how many of these people she talked to are still in town or have connections in Boston," Riley said, thinking out loud.
"We'll get right on it. Just make sure you and Graham keep Willow safe," Angel said, wishing he were there to make sure they did it right.
"Don’t you worry Angel, she won't be out of our sight. Buffy and Graham are with her right now. She's pretty shaken up. Is there anything else from the LAPD? I'm reading the case file, and it seems that our boy's been busy with this for a few years now."
"Yeah busy little beaver," Wesley said sarcastically as he thought of all the notes that her stalker had slipped her all over the years.
"Nothing new. Kate said she'd keep me informed if anything came up in the crime scene report. Entry was clean, no fingerprints, and they can't trace the blood. I'd say from the smell it was pig’s blood," Angel said, hoping his recognition of the pig’s blood wouldn't freak out the ex-commando.
"So all we can do is keep our eyes open," Riley sighed, feeling completely useless.
"Pretty much. Oh, good luck tomorrow with the marrow tests. All our prayers and thought will be with you tomorrow. Give Evan a hug for me and Riley… thank you for this," Angel added before Riley could hang up.
"Angel, he’s my son. There's no reason to thank me. I just wish I hadn't been so stubborn all those years ago."
"Hey, are you forgetting that I loved her once too? Sometimes the only way to forget her and save yourself is to walk away and never look back."
Riley could hear the regret and sadness in the vampire’s voice and he suddenly had a burning desire to talk to Angel about this in greater detail, but knew now wasn’t the time.
"Riley!"
"Yeah Xander?"
"Call afterwards, will you? It's hell being so far away from them when this is happening."
"I'll have Buffy call. Don't worry Xander. I have a good feeling about this."
"Good bye, Riley. We'll call if we find something out," Angel said and hoped that it wouldn't be too late for Willow by then.
"Talk to you later, and thanks for your concern. I know Willow and Graham would thank you as well."
Hearing the phone disconnect on the other end, Riley hung up. He shook his head and sighed over this latest turn of events. From the sound of it, Willow's whereabouts were public knowledge. She'd need to be a lot more careful from now on.
"Who was that?" Graham's voice startled Riley and he jumped.
"Xander and Angel," Riley said, turning around to look at Graham. "You look like hell."
"Thanks, I must be almost as pretty as you are."
Riley ignored the comment and looked at Graham long and hard. In the last couple of hours he'd aged 10 years and his whole body seemed battered and defeated.
"You okay? And don't bullshit me, Gray." Riley asked as he crossed the room to stand in front of his best friend.
"No I'm not okay! This bastard's getting closer and closer, and it's scaring the hell out of me, Rye. I've just found her again, I can't lose her now! She's so scared that Buffy had to pry her arms from around my neck once she fell to sleep. I hated leaving her, but we need to talk."
"I know. I'm sorry about tonight. I should have used the monitor, checked for a license plate or something. It's my fault he got away. Hell, I even tipped the son of a bitch!" Riley’s frustration and anger at himself erupted. He felt so responsible for this!
"I know it's not your fault, Rye. I know that you would never put any of the people you love in danger, including Willow."
"Thanks and I do love her, you know. I never meant to…" Riley’s voice trailed off as he sat down heavily on the couch.
"Is Buffy with her?" he asked after a few moments.
"Yeah. Steve's sedatives worked wonders, she went out like a light. I just hope she doesn't have any nightmares. I can't protect her from those," Graham sighed rubbing the back of his neck as he sat down next to Riley.
"She in your room?"
Graham just nodded his head wishing the pain behind his right eye would disappear. His stress headaches always started this way. Holding Willow for so long hadn't allowed him to pace off his stress tonight.
"Graham, I have the place wired for sound right now. The place is sealed as tight as a drum, so try to relax. Angel has nothing new but will let us know when he does and he's also checking into the whereabouts of everyone who knew Willow was going to be in Boston. He'll also check to see if they have any roots to Boston. Until then, there's nothing we can do."
"Maybe it would be best if I took Willow back to my place. What with the bone marrow tests tomorrow, the last thing you and Buffy need to deal with is this," Graham said shaking his head and wondering how he was going to get through this latest disaster.
"Don't worry about it. It's keeping my mind off tomorrow. Besides this place is more secure than your building. She's safer here and Buffy would kill you, if you tried to take her, and I have enough on my plate right now. I don’t need to be planning your funeral too," Riley said, smiling at his old friend.
"Yeah it would be my funeral, wouldn't it? Now that you mention it, you should see how she's doing the mother lioness thing up stairs. It’s kind of scary! Reminds me of you and the girls."
"Hey! I have never acted like a female lion!" Riley's head snapped up to look at his friend.
"No, not much," Graham said sarcastically. It would be interesting to see Riley’s reaction when his daughters began dating.
"Ha! Ha! You're so funny."
"So are you down here all alone because of you feel guilty about the attempt on Willow or because you're nervous about tomorrow?" Graham asked, sensing Riley's nervousness.
"Tomorrow," he said simply as he stood and moved towards the fireplace.
"Rye, it'll be okay. I have a good feeling about this."
"You sure?"
"Look, you’re his father and Jordy's almost a spitting image of him. One of you will be a match, I'm sure of it," Graham said, coming to stand directly behind Riley..
"From your lips to God's ears," Riley sighed, hoping Graham was right. Turning around Graham noticed the huge, dark circles under his best friend’s eyes.
"Look, we've got it wired tomorrow. Willow and I will stay with Tristan and Hope. Buffy will be with Jordan and we're gonna find the biggest, nastiest nurse to keep an eye on you. Nothing can go wrong," Graham assured him, putting his hand on Riley's shoulder and wishing that he could throw his arms around his friend and hug him like Buffy and Willow did. Why was it so hard for men to do that?
"Knock on wood."
"Maybe we should both crash. Tomorrow promises to be a busy day."
"You're probably right. I just hope we all survive it."
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Riley had just started to drift off to sleep when he heard a knock on his
door. Struggling to sit up in bed, he told the person to enter figuring it was
one of the kids. He was more than a little surprised to see Buffy’s petite
silhouette in the doorway.
"Were you asleep Riley? I didn’t want to disturb you, but I couldn't
sleep. Could we talk?" Buffy asked, standing in the doorway, clad only in
her silk nightshirt. The nightshirt came to just above her knees and the light
coming from behind her revealed how thin the silk was. Riley noticed that there
were buttons down the front and he wondered how easily those buttons would slide
out of their buttonholes.
From the doorway, Buffy's eyes immediately went to Riley’s naked chest. She knew he must have something on under the covers as he'd told her once that one of the girls usually ended up sleeping with him. Tonight she was glad he was alone because tonight she needed him all to herself.
"Sure. Come on in Buffy. Do you want to move into the sitting area?"
"No, this will be fine," she said as she climbed up on the end of his king-size bed and curled up there.
"Why don’t you join me up here? It's a lot warmer," he said, throwing the sheets back to invite her into his bed. As much as Riley was throwing the invitation out, he knew that her visit wasn’t about sex. She just needed the comfort that only he could offer her. Buffy was Evan's mother and he was his father and only they could truly share in the apprehension that thoughts of tomorrow brought.
Buffy climbed up the bed and slipped under the covers, careful to keep her distance from him. Right now it would be so easy to ask him to make love to her, but she needed to have a clear head for tomorrow. She didn’t want it clouded with images of Riley making love to her or the look on his face as he came inside her. Even though she knew she should be alone in her own bed asleep, a voice kept calling her down the hall to him. She knew if anyone could help her tonight, it was the man lying next to her.
"Thanks. I just didn’t want to be alone," she smiled nervously at him, trying to resist the urge she had to look under the covers to see if he did have something on.
"Are you going to lie all the way over there, or are you going to come over here?" He asked her, patting the pillow beside his own head. Buffy bit her lips and contemplated the situation for a moment before scooting across the mattress to join him. Laying her head on his pillow, she felt him pull her up against him so his arms held her close.
"Oh, that feels so good," she sighed peacefully, resting her head on his shoulder.
"What does?" He asked perplexed. He hadn't really done anything yet.
"Lying her in your arms. Do you know how many nights I would lie awake, wishing your arms were around me? I always felt safe here," she said softly as she trailed her fingers up his arms.
"I'm glad they can be of service," he smiled, looking into her hazel eyes, suddenly forgetting where they were, or even about anything beyond this bed.
"I'm going to say something Riley, and I don’t want you take it the wrong way okay? Tonight isn't about us making love together. It’s about us just being together. I need you tonight, and I thought that with everything you've been through in the last couple days maybe you'd like to fall asleep in someone's arms for a change," she said, biting her bottom lip.
Riley just stared at her and didn’t say anything so she continued,
"I saw the look on your face this morning when it was mentioned that Willow and Graham were sleeping together last night. I saw the look of longing on your face. You miss not having anyone to cuddle with, don't you?" She asked him as her hand finally found it's way to the whiskered skin of his face.
"I miss feeling the way Claire and I would spoon together, and she'd hold my hand in hers. No matter how bad the nightmares got, I always knew she was there."
Riley's hand had found it's way to the back of Buffy's neck and was soon caressing the tension out of her neck.
"Nightmares?" She asked concerned about the types of nightmares that this demon hunter would have that would keep him awake.
"All the time," he whispered, looking across the pillow at her. Could he tell her about his nightmares? Would they frighten her as they had him?
"What about?" She prompted.
"You," was his whispered reply.
"Me?" Buffy suddenly found herself whispering as well. Riley nodded and was silent for a few moments.
"Dying," he finally whispered, his eyes closed.
Buffy could see the pain that these dreams had obviously brought him and her heart ached for him. Like so many other times, she wished she could take it away for him.
"But I'm not dead Riley. I'm right here in your arms," she whispered softly into his ear.
"I use to see you alone and scared while you were dying and you'd be calling my name and then I'd flash to Claire and I on our wedding day or something. I know it was the guilt I felt for leaving you to fight Sunnydale alone and my fear of a world without you in it," he said, holding her tighter still. He was suddenly afraid that if he let go, she'd disappear from his life, like the morning fog around the harbour on a summer day.
"I'm here, alive," she said as she leaned in to kiss his forehead. She tried to offer him the comfort that she knew he craved.
"There would be nights, after those dreams, that Claire and I would end up making love and during those time, I'd dream it was you."
As this confession slipped from his lips he looked away, suddenly feeling that he’d betrayed his dead wife again. He had loved Claire very much but he had never been fair to her because his heart had mostly belonged to another woman.
"Riley, do you know how many times I've tried to have relationships with other men, and after the first time we made love, I'd end it? Do you know why?"
Riley shook his head and so she continued,
"Because each time I closed my eyes, it was you who made love to me, not them. I was using them and there was no way I could allow myself to do that to someone."
"You're saying that I've ruined you for other men?" He smirked sadly.
"Most definitely, Mr. Finn."
She leaned in and claimed his beautiful mouth as her own and as the kiss that had started out as a simple display of her love for him deepened, they both poured everything they had into it. Buffy could feel everything that Riley had felt for her the last 10 years, and as his hands caressed her back, she could feel the need he had to make her understand how he'd never forgotten her.
As Riley pulled back form the kiss he looked into Buffy's tear filled eyes. He could see everything that her kiss held reflected in her eyes and he suddenly knew the truth.
"You really do love me, don’t you?" he gasped.
"I've never stopped. You have always owned my heart, Riley, I’m just sorry I never told you." she said, stroking his face.
"Promise me one thing," he said, caressing her back.
"I'll promise you anything."
"Never leave me again. Promise me that you'll always be in my arms when I fall asleep every night."
The look on his face was so serious as he said this that Buffy realised he wasn't joking.
"This isn't a marriage proposal or anything. That will come someday. This is just me telling you that you have always owned my heart as well," he said as he reached out to wipe away a happy tear as it rolled down her cheek.
"What about Hope?" Buffy stammered.
"We'll deal with Hope together. When I'm done with her, she won't remember why she didn’t like you in the beginning," Riley said, lifting her chin to kiss her mouth again.
"We can't force her, Riley," she said, pulling her chin from his grasp. It was easier to talk about this with him when she wasn’t drowning in his eyes.
"Buffy, I wouldn't force any of my children to love you, just like I wouldn't force them to eat their Brussels sprouts. I know my daughter and all she wants is for me to be happy. She thinks that Claire was when I was the happiest but when she sees the love and happiness you bring me, she'll let go of her anger at you. I can see it happening already."
Looking deeply into his eyes Buffy saw that he only spoke the truth.
"One day I hope to marry you, but I want you to know I won't do it if it makes my children unhappy. I need them to understand that my love for you does not out weigh the love I have for their mother."
"I understand that, Riley, and I wouldn't want it any other way."
"So like this thing tomorrow, we're in this thing together. I will never turn my back on you out of anger, despair or fear. I promise to love you and give myself freely to you. I will hold your heart in my hands and I will give it all the love and care it rightfully deserves."
Leaning in he kissed her gently to seal his pact with her.
"I promise that I will always keep myself open to you. I will never close my heart or self to you again. You will own my heart freely, and I know that you will always protect it. I will love you with my whole being and each night I will thank God for giving you back to me. I will protect you and your children as though they were my own," Buffy promised him and she lifted his hand and kissed his ring finger before kissing him on the lips.
"So I guess we've just pledged ourselves to each other?" Riley smiled, smugly.
"Yeah, and we didn't even have to do it on tv," she grinned at him.
"What?" He scrunched his face up in the cute way he had when he didn't understand her.
"You know, like on PBS, the pledge marathons…"
Suddenly realising how stupid she sounded, Buffy trailed off and felt her face turn red.
"So you’ve taken to watching PBS in your old age?" He said catching her bottom lip between his teeth.
"All the time," she mumbled as his mouth claimed hers.