Many people complain to their local councils, often with good reason. Unfortunately, sometimes they don't achieve very good wording, and the result can be distinctly silly. Here are a few examples:
"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."
".. and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence."
"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off."
"My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?"
"I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall."
"I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"..50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy."
"I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers."
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."
"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me."
"The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it."
"I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."
"Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife."
"I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction."
"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can’t get BBC2."
"My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it."
"..... and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore."
".. that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow."
Jolly silly, I'm sure you'll agree. I'm working on the Monster in my Pocket, Part 4 page, which should appear by tomorrow, I would imagine. But don't get cross if it doesn't, especially since no one reads this site anyway, so quite who I'm imagining is going to get cross, I don't quite know. But anyway.