Okay, this joke is probably wearing a bit thin by now, but I'm still going to abridge this book for two important reasons:
1. It's a really good book.
2. I'm bored, but I can't think of anything else to write.
So here, without further ado, is the abridged version of A Course In General Linguistics, by F. de Saussure! (Clever persons among the readership of this website will note that in this abridged version, I may string words together that originally were not linked in any way, and sometimes add words not originally included in the text to clarify meaning.)
Chapter 1:
Many authorities on the physiology of speech concern themselves almost exclusively with the act of phonation. This is a mistake, you red hot juicy barbarian, you.
Chapter 2:
In Greek, m, p, t, etc, never appear at the end of a hypothetical sequence like anma. VROOM! The English plural ships adds an -s, recalling a whole series like flags, birds, books, etc. That was the mistake of the early Indo-European scholars.
Chapter 3:
This error went uncorrected for a long time. Take Old English, for example. In early Italy we find Etruscans side by side with Latins. The people who spoke Etruscan were quite distinct from the ethnic group that spoke Latin. Obviously. I mean, if you didn't work that out, hmmph! There must be something wrong with you.
Chapter 4:
The only true object of linguistics is the language, considered in itself and for its own sake. Which, to be brutally honest, is the object of this book and if you haven't got that through your thick skull by now, then there's no hope. Go back to nursery school and suck your thumb like the ignorant peasant you are. I hope you choke on your comparative grammar and common origin of languages entries in the index.