- by Owen Morton
As of this evening, I have not seen an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for four weeks. This is a period of time without Buffy longer than any I have experienced since I first watched the programme in December 2000. I am quite convinced that it has had a deleterious effect on my sanity, to the extent that I'm using words like 'deleterious' without actually knowing what they mean, and thus could quite possibly mean the exact opposite to what I want to say. But 'undesirable effect on my sanity' is a fair way of putting it, unless you are of the opinion that a general decrease in my sanity is in fact desirable. If you are, though, it's likely that you're one of those people who doesn't actually like me.
The last time I saw Buffy was in Goodricke common room, the episode being Season 5's 'Intervention' which was distinctly amusing. Since then, through a combination of BBC's steadfast refusal to put the programme on and a collection of heartless bastards who are watching Hollyoaks (I mean, Hollyoaks! What kind of fools are they?) in the common room when Buffy is on, I have been sadly defeated in my attempts to watch the televisual feast that is Buffy. And now I think I've been driven completely mental because of it.
Consider the evidence. I have done lots of things recently which I wouldn't normally do, and I'm putting these down to the lack of Buffy in my life. It could equally well be a result of a lack of anything much in my life, but I choose to put it down to Buffy because then when I watch Buffy, I'll think I'm doing something useful for my sanity. But those strange things I've done recently include:
- actually starting to look forward to doing the jigsaw at the start of the month on my Buffy the Vampire Slayer Puzzle-A-Month Jigsaw Calendar.
- sketching pictures of Buffy from the box of said Buffy the Vampire Slayer Puzzle-A-Month Jigsaw Calendar (pictures which are, I might add, not very good)
- writing letters to York Vision newspaper complaining that the Spring Term actually contains no days in spring in it, and should consequently be renamed the Winter Term. Ditto for the Summer Term, which should become the Spring Term. Admittedly, this is not connected to Buffy, but it is strange
- buying a Buffy the Vampire Slayer novel, something which I swore I would never do. However, I have retained enough sense to a) decide, after reading said novel, never to read it again, and b) hide the novel in a cupboard where no one will ever find it, not even those who are reading this on the website, because I've also locked the cupboard
- getting incredibly drunk on Tuesday night, still being quite considerably out of my skull on Wednesday morning, yet still attending the lecture, and wishing I hadn't
So I think I've done some fairly strange things, all of which can be chalked up to not having watched Buffy for four weeks. Beware. It might happen to you too. Next thing you know you'll be doing all these things too.
Sorry. This article has been short and not particularly memorable. But I'm bored, insane and haven't watched Buffy for four weeks. This is just what happens.